XMusicDudetteX

I confess why, WHY do these things always happen?

I confess I like him. A lot. And that I WILL, come hell or high water, get over it.

I'm very sorry to hear such a thing =[ I hope you feel better soon. If you need to vent or anything then, if you want, feel free to send me a message anytime.

What's wrong? =[

I confess I'm siiiiick.

This week was not my week for the whole "love life" place of my life. 1). I saw my creepy ex-boyfriend on Tuesday where I go to take guitar lessons. And it's possible he will be there every week now, right along with me. He always asks for us to get back together and says how beautiful I am, how smart and funny I am, and blah blah blah. 2). On Wednesday, the guy I'd been dating realized he still loves his ex-girlfriend and they got back together the next day (but I was wanting to be friends anyhow). 3). This girl keeps on flirting with me in a very creepy fashion and started getting more creepy on Thursday. I'm not homophobic by any stretch of the imagination, mind you. I don't like it when ANYBODY refuses to listen to me when I say, "No," or "Stop," and so on. She doesn't care and she continues to make me uncomfortable. 4). This creepy stalker dude I had last school year came to the school yesterday (Friday), wanting to see me. I've never sprinted around campus so much in my life. What was my last resort when he spotted me? My friend told me to sit on his lap. I was completely taken aback by this demand and I opposed it but he insisted and swore it'd work, that the stalker guy wouldn't come near me if he saw me sitting on his lap (considering stalker boy is only about, 5'3", 5'4" and my friend is roughly 6'2"). So I did it and STILL, he attempted to come over to me later on. My friend covered me as I walked to the front of the school and booked it. 4). I still might like this one, wonderful boy with whom I've absolutely no chance, I'm sure.

I confess I hate feelings =]

I confess that this hurts more than I thought it would.

So last Thursday, my friend asked me out. He had been wanting to two weeks prior to asking me. Everything was dandy, but we both felt like we were better off being friends. . . When he started talking to his ex-girlfriend again and realized he still likes her. We went out on a "date" Monday night and I felt that we were better off being friends anyway, so that's okay. But my pride and self-esteem hurt, haha. I feel like crap and I feel like whenever something starts to go well for me, it comes back and smacks me in the face. This is why I don't want to like ANYBODY or date ANYBODY. This crap.

Dear boy, Thank you for making me feel like crap tonight. You won't get the chance to do it again.

I confess I may be going out later with the guy I'm dating. It'll be our first time actually hanging out alone. I confess I'm nervous and feel as if I'm going to throw up.

LOVE it.

I confess I almost got evacuated from my house due to the fires.

I confess I've slept too much.

I confess I'm such a loser

This.

I confess that Baking Soda is my best friend.

I confess I want food.

I confess I'm being trapped in my bedroom by a spider. God help me.

I confess I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I confess that was a rude comment.

So, in doing the right thing, I've actually just f----- myself over. My ex-boyfriend from a year ago STILL hasn't gotten over me. I've long since moved on and no long harbor any feelings towards him in that way, but every couple months he's telling me how much he still wants me, how beautiful [he thinks] I am, that I'm stunning, smart, funny, etc. It makes it uncomfortable for me because I don't like him in that way. He asked me yesterday if I'd ever give him a second chance, if there would ever be a chance in the future for us. I told him as nicely but firmly as possible that no, there wasn't going to be an "us" in the future or any second chances, that it's done and that he will find somebody else. I promised him he would find somebody else even though he doesn't think so, but he still just wants me. I feel really bad. I don't want to be the one making him feel that way because I know firsthand how much it sucks when you really like somebody who won't give you that chance. Except in my situation, I didn't even get a first chance. And also, I'm not cruel to him like the guy was to me in my situation. But I still feel just as horrid of a person. I'm f---- myself over because what if my ex-boyfriend is the only guy who will ever care about me as much as he seems to? Guys have liked me and have asked me out before but he seems to be the only one who cares THAT much. But if I don't have feelings for him, I'm not going to date him because that's cruel and unfair to him; I could never do that to another human being. But why, then, if I know I'm doing the right thing do I feel as though I'm only shooting myself in the ass? I can't control who I like or how I feel about someone, so I can't force myself to like him.

I confess he needs to stop being such a bitch.

I confess I wish I could disappear for a while. Damn it.

I confess that I feel horrid =/