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Jorgi

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Posts posted by Jorgi

  12. The Song/Poem/Writing Thread

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    I'm more of the "eh, it's not the best, but it's good enough" school, though I'd like to move up eventually.

     

    I'm exactly the same ;D

     

    I'm trying for different approaches on things but i'm still not too hot at this whole writing business, so again critique is always welcome !

     

    --

    i'll have to admit

    that this plan all went a bit haywaire

    and no amount of wit will stop you being a liar

    so set me another light

    but no amount of nicotine will get me through tonight

    so another shotof vodka will do me just fine

    you'll do me just fine

     

    so mr. cliché makes another appearance

    just as it's too late to make a difference

    so where's the surprise this time ?

    it's about time you stop chasing the limelight you crave

    and save your arrogance for another day

    before this goes too far.

     

    and i thought it would be quite alright

    to just sit outside and talk all night

    with two cups of tea with sugar and some memories of us

    but that was never quite enough

    so another shot of vodka will do me just fine

    (this time) you'll do me just fine

  14. The Sad Thread

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    I'm really quite confused as to whether i'm happy or sad, perhaps there should be an inbetween thread ? haha.

    Alot of new opportunities have been opened up to me in the next few months, and i'm so excited about them beyond beleif, but these months have a heavy importance to me where i feel i shouldn't really be happy about it at all (i won't go into details) and i just feel guilty that all this is happening at a time where i shouldn't really be thinking about myself, if that makes sense ?

    It kinda sucks.

  17. The Song/Poem/Writing Thread

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    It's cute! I think it would work better as a paragraph, though. I don't see the line breaks adding anything to it, and writing free verse poetry sets you up to be ripped apart by a lot of critics. Unless there's some kind of structure there that I'm missing?

     

    Ah, no i see what you mean but block paragraphs really put me off reading things, i wasn't sure if it'd be the same way for anyone else and attempted to break it off. I'll try get a recording of it done at some point, i think it sounds better in song then on paper (although still not excellent, but hey i'm experimenting!) . Cheers :)

     

     

     

     

    Freedom

     

    I wake up with the morning light creeping around the curtain

    It happens almost every day but even that’s not certain

     

    ---

     

    I think about the plans I’ve made and promises I’ve broken

    I think of all my lofty goals and the lies that I’ve spoken

    I think about my instincts but I know I’d never heed them

    ‘Cause giving up on life is just me giving up my freedom

     

    I really do enjoy the beginning of your songs ! I like how you managed to keep the rhythm all the way through the verses (although perhaps some seemed a little strained ?), it had a very nice flow.

    Quoted those 8 lines because to me, they're excellent :)

  22. The Song/Poem/Writing Thread

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    I'm not very good at writing lighthearted things, but i thought i'd go for the acoustic approach for once:

     

    -

    He's the kind that sings her songs that are never quite in tune

    and he gets the words wrong,

    but she don't care 'cause they're holding hands on the beach

    with the sand beneath their feet

    and she's thinking what a beautiful day.

    He picks her right up and swings her round in the air

    to make her scream and feel scared but she doesn't care

    'cause she's enjoying ever minute spent with him by her side,

    she looks to the sky when he's turned away and thanks whoever's up there

    'cause no she's okay and this life would suit her just fine for now and forever,

    sitting in the sun eathing ice cream and jelly together

    like nothing else matters in the whole wide world.

    and she knows that she's lucky to be with him

    and he thinks she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen,

    and they both think they can safely say they know what love means

    so she says, if love feels like butterflies and sunshine and ice cream,

    then i sure am in love with you.

     

     

    any comments or critisism would be ace 'cause i'm not really sure what i'm doing (;

  24. The Song/Poem/Writing Thread

    in Everything Else

    Posted

    yeah but....all poems dont gotta be song-like do they? haha i only write poems not songs. i SUCK at songs. and i know thoes suck. i didnt really mean to make them poem like. i just had to let my feelings out and i showed it to my friend thats a bit poem person and shes liek "hey thoes could be poems" so...yeah ha

     

    did ANYONE read the other one i posted? or did that suck too lol

     

    OH my bad ! Sorry, i just automatically assumed it was a song, i reckon mainly because it's structure. But okay, here's the plan: ignore me, okay ;)

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