JJ Riot Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. ) These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true) Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???) Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work) Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head :rotfl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 Those have to be intentional joke answers Swindon sounds like the place for comedians To be honest I think we all did at least one joke answer on exams right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Venin Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 I find that pretty hard to believe, hehe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ Riot Posted November 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 some of them are fake lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BABsxo. Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 hahahha. c'mon, some of those have just gotta be intentional. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophie_*! Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 Legendary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 I drew "Gary the Bio-Gas Gobbler" on one of my Chemistry papers, think it was my higher. He was a beast. I should try and find another one haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ Riot Posted November 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 Legendary. that is so fucking funny :rotfl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BABsxo. Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 the fact that that one looks like a SQA exam/test paper somehow makes it funnier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JadeIsRad Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 I'm not surprised really, children these days think Hitler was a football coach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 I'm not surprised really, children these days think Hitler was a football coach. WHAT? WHAT? You mean he really wasn't a football coach? FUCKKKKKKKKK:crybad: To think I spent all these years believing what I'd been taught about Hitler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JadeIsRad Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 WHAT? WHAT? You mean he really wasn't a football coach? FUCKKKKKKKKK:crybad: To think I spent all these years believing what I'd been taught about Hitler. "Given a choice of answers, 77 percent of the children aged 9-15 recognised Hitler as leader of the Nazi party, but 13.5 percent thought he invented gravity in 1650 and seven percent thought he coached Germany's football team." INVENTED GRAVITY? omg. "While 85 percent knew what the Holocaust was, six percent thought it was the celebration at the end of the war. Auschwitz was correctly identified by 70 percent -- but 15 percent thought it was a WWII based theme park." A CELEBRATION? A WWII BASED THEME PARK?! Seriously, children these days need their 'eads banging together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ Riot Posted November 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 I'm not surprised really, children these days think Hitler was a football coach. Hitler was the coach of the german national team up to 1944/45 season, where he was sacked true fax Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JadeIsRad Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 Hitler was the coaching of the german national team up to 1944/45 season, where he was sacked true fax Orly? You learn something new everyday haha but these kids think that's what he did for most of his life which is kind of tragic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 Fuck me, you truly do learn something new every day, I seriously didn't know that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catie Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 hahahahaha omg what that poor child Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elbereth Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 This made me laugh my ass off:rotfl::rotfl: Even though I didn't know the answers to a couple questions:shifty: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilley_1 Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 if these are true and not intentional jokes than i feel so much better about myself . i could've answered most of them without making any effort or bsing (bullsh**ing). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travel_hymn Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Q. What is a terminal illnessA. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) LMAO. Sick at the airport. LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.