Andrew Posted December 3, 2009 Report Share Posted December 3, 2009 Saw this on another site, and thought it was funny/worth posting Men's RulesWomen should learn these! Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We don't remember dates. . . .Period!! Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!! If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waketheearth Posted December 3, 2009 Report Share Posted December 3, 2009 Hahah! I also found this awhile ago, but it's about women, and figured it's worth sharing. Words Women Use and What They Really Mean: Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so it’s an even trade. Nothing - This means “something”, and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine”. Go Ahead - At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. Go Ahead (With Raised Eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”. Go Ahead (Neutral Expression) - This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care” You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off. Loud Sigh - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”. Soft Sigh - Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. That’s Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow”. Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome. Thanks A Lot - This is much different from “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as she will only tell you “Nothing”. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x-Decoy Posted December 3, 2009 Report Share Posted December 3, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia Posted December 3, 2009 Report Share Posted December 3, 2009 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. No it just means the guy sucks in bed. lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornforthis___x Posted December 3, 2009 Report Share Posted December 3, 2009 Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. yes...you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RenegadeRoss Posted December 3, 2009 Report Share Posted December 3, 2009 Saw this on another site, and thought it was funny/worth posting Just to add: SATURDAY - Football Day. Not Shopping, Not DIY, Not doing chores round the house. Football Day. DEAL With it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jorgi Posted December 4, 2009 Report Share Posted December 4, 2009 No it just means the guy sucks in bed. lmao haaaahahahah high five Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watchthesky Posted December 4, 2009 Report Share Posted December 4, 2009 "Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we." wasn't he looking for india or something? i think he needed directions Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catie Posted December 4, 2009 Report Share Posted December 4, 2009 ^ lmfao yeah. hahaha this is pretty great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Posted December 4, 2009 Report Share Posted December 4, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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