jtrosper Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 has anyone ever had a real good friend of the opposite sex for a really long time and then one day it hits you and realize...'o snap! i think i may be in love with this person.'? well that is my dilemma and im not sure what to do. ive been family friends with her whole family for years and me and her always had a flirtatious chemistry but it never seemed to be anything more than that, but then one day it just hit me that i actually felt more than just friendship. but of course she is dating someone else and they have been together for well over 2 years and they are in love which puts me a tough spot. i dont want to put myself out there and then everyone think that im trying to break them up or anything cuz i wouldnt want that at all. im friends with her boyfriend so i wouldnt want to do anything to ruin what they have. but i mean its my feelings here too and im not sure what the right thing to do is.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bee-theriot! Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 wow, that really is a difficult sitation. I have been in a similar situation before. So I understand completely. And my best friend was just in a situaion like this. Here's my advice. Don't rush things. It will be hard to hold the feelings you have inside, but if you rush anything it will mess things up. And just make sure you keep her friendship. It really is hard, but you may need to say something to her, but you may not. I don't know all the details of the situation. If you don't tell her then she may never know you are in love with her, and maybe if she knew she would come around, but if you didn't tell her and you just kept her friendship and later she realizes that you are the better guy, considering she's actually been able to friends with you for years and years, then maybe she'll want to be with you. It really is a hard decision. How old are you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtrosper Posted September 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 im 20. and we've talked about how there is a certain chemistry between us but she is in love with her bf. she does have to know that i have some kind of feelings for her but its like i cant let her know for sure cuz i dont want to ruin anything that they have. its really a bummer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synbios Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 I think you should consider what her feelings are and if she's happy as she is now, so be it. They might not last forever, so you'll always have a chance. I'm not the kind of guy to purposely try to break my two friends up just to be with one of them, but I really don't know how bad you feel for her. Well, the bottom line for me is, if I really like someone, I want them to like me back as much as I do to them so if she does have feelings for you like you have for her, then I say give her a few nudges here and there and see what she thinks about it. Sorry if I didn't really help you, but either way, best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtrosper Posted September 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 I think you should consider what her feelings are and if she's happy as she is now, so be it. They might not last forever, so you'll always have a chance. I'm not the kind of guy to purposely try to break my two friends up just to be with one of them, but I really don't know how bad you feel for her. Well, the bottom line for me is, if I really like someone, I want them to like me back as much as I do to them so if she does have feelings for you like you have for her, then I say give her a few nudges here and there and see what she thinks about it. Sorry if I didn't really help you, but either way, best of luck! thats exactly how i feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bee-theriot! Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 ^^^ it was good advice huh? yep, cuz I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcus Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 ive felt like that too. seeing as how you guys are good friends you shouldnt have anymore of a relationship than just that, friends, cause if she does break up with him and you guys go out and it doesnt work out things could get awkward and there goes your friendship Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperJess Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 If she's happy in her relationship, I definitely wouldn't push it, because it will not end well. Just keep a good relationship with her and then if things do go south with the bf, be there for her, but don't push into a relationship then. If things are meant to happen they will. I feel like sometimes life is a mess and we feel like we're losing control, but eventually everything falls into place and the goods things come to us. It really sucks because your feelings might get hurt, but just don't get your heart set on her. Keep an open mind that there is probably somebody else out there just as good who is single. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WayneFarro Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 yeah i fell in love with a close friend of the opposite sex before, it's ended in heartache for me, but we're still friends. i don't know what to suggest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the1 Posted September 4, 2007 Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 For now, I'd say put it to one side and continue as normal, simply because you dont wann make her feel uncomfortable and push her away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtrosper Posted September 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 4, 2007 yeah thanks for all the advice. i really appreciate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GibbyPhills Posted September 5, 2007 Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 Yep knew a girl for 6 years, were best buds for like 2 years, then had a 3 year relationship, now havn't had any contact with her for over 8 months and I fucking love it. Guess I'm not the best person to ask but. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ascitiesburn07 Posted September 5, 2007 Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 this really is a bummer man....my 2 cents....I dunno how much she loves her "boyfriend" but from reading what you written...Im wondering why yall have never even dated...are should be a perfect match considering you have been friends for so long you could prolly read each other from the back of your hand...I dunno man I think you have a chance...but I would just hold back...if your like me lol you can always predict when somebody will break up or if they are going to at some point in time down the road...if they break up....give it time and let her get back up on her feet,....be there for her if they break up...and then introduce the sitution you had been having to her...you never know man yall could end up dating...hope i helped in somewhat of a way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest chriz Posted September 5, 2007 Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 Sometimes friends should stay friends but sometimes its ok to go for more but i guess its always difficult to take it to the next level ... so i dont know what to do you probably should listen to other people on this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtrosper Posted September 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 this really is a bummer man....my 2 cents....I dunno how much she loves her "boyfriend" but from reading what you written...Im wondering why yall have never even dated...are should be a perfect match considering you have been friends for so long you could prolly read each other from the back of your hand...I dunno man I think you have a chance...but I would just hold back...if your like me lol you can always predict when somebody will break up or if they are going to at some point in time down the road...if they break up....give it time and let her get back up on her feet,....be there for her if they break up...and then introduce the sitution you had been having to her...you never know man yall could end up dating...hope i helped in somewhat of a way yeah thats whats crazy is that i really never even thought of that until recently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Itsgettingcloser Posted September 5, 2007 Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 has anyone ever had a real good friend of the opposite sex for a really long time and then one day it hits you and realize...'o snap! i think i may be in love with this person.'? well that is my dilemma and im not sure what to do. ive been family friends with her whole family for years and me and her always had a flirtatious chemistry but it never seemed to be anything more than that, but then one day it just hit me that i actually felt more than just friendship. but of course she is dating someone else and they have been together for well over 2 years and they are in love which puts me a tough spot. i dont want to put myself out there and then everyone think that im trying to break them up or anything cuz i wouldnt want that at all. im friends with her boyfriend so i wouldnt want to do anything to ruin what they have. but i mean its my feelings here too and im not sure what the right thing to do is.... This is ridiculous I am in the exact situation detail for detail basically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtrosper Posted September 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 This is ridiculous I am in the exact situation detail for detail basically. its a bummer right? what are your thoughts on it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krs Posted September 5, 2007 Report Share Posted September 5, 2007 has anyone ever had a real good friend of the opposite sex for a really long time and then one day it hits you and realize...'o snap! i think i may be in love with this person.'? well that is my dilemma and im not sure what to do. ive been family friends with her whole family for years and me and her always had a flirtatious chemistry but it never seemed to be anything more than that, but then one day it just hit me that i actually felt more than just friendship. but of course she is dating someone else and they have been together for well over 2 years and they are in love which puts me a tough spot. i dont want to put myself out there and then everyone think that im trying to break them up or anything cuz i wouldnt want that at all. im friends with her boyfriend so i wouldnt want to do anything to ruin what they have. but i mean its my feelings here too and im not sure what the right thing to do is.... oh wow that is really complicated. but yeah. i def get what you're feeling. a similar thing is happening to me right now and i dont really know what to do as well. like for me, the guy and i both found out that we liked each other for the same amount of time but neither of us really said anything. i finally told him that maybe we should take our relationship as more than a friendship but he told me that he moved on and started dating this other girl. [now they're together] and the one thing i def regret was not saying something in the first place. if i said something a week, a month, or even a year before maybe things woulda turned out differently. thats usually what i say to people when they're in that position. to take a chance. cuz you truly dont know what the outcome will be. but since your friends with her bf and friends with her...it makes things verry complicated. =/ but if it was me...i'd just say wait it out. see what happens later on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtrosper Posted September 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2007 yeah thats the thing. if she was single this wouldnt be a problem but i dont want to feel like 'homewrecker'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Itsgettingcloser Posted September 6, 2007 Report Share Posted September 6, 2007 yeah thats the thing. if she was single this wouldnt be a problem but i dont want to feel like 'homewrecker'. My problem is that I wouldn't want it to ruin our friendship or anything if I told her how i felt, it seems it would make things weird anytime we hung out then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jtrosper Posted September 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2007 ^yeah i would fear that as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xmurderxlovex Posted September 6, 2007 Report Share Posted September 6, 2007 im no expert at all with love...i havent even gotten a boyfriend yet xD but this is a typical case with LOVE 101 xD Ill be serious now... Just tell ur friend how you think u feel, he'll probably get angry, be mean, or maybe even laugh, but it's the thought of him knowing u told him first. After you tell him, tell ur other friend.. she'll understand, and you never know she might like you back but one thing you never EVER do is ask someone to find out if she does That's the worst idea in the world. She'll get the hint that u like her...and that's pretty...weak since you seem scared to ask her urself xP haha i hope ur lovematch works out dude =] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperJess Posted September 6, 2007 Report Share Posted September 6, 2007 ^If he does that he's potentially losing two friendships, which would get him nowhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Itsgettingcloser Posted September 6, 2007 Report Share Posted September 6, 2007 well my situation just got a whole lot worse....she just got engaged today. Alright im gonna go be depressed now later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krs Posted September 7, 2007 Report Share Posted September 7, 2007 My problem is that I wouldn't want it to ruin our friendship or anything if I told her how i felt, it seems it would make things weird anytime we hung out then. yeahh thats what i was so scared of. thats why i held out for three years before telling the person i like[d]. but like i said. he turned out to like me back as well..but the timing was just too late. but if you're in a position where the girl/boy doesnt have anyone. then def go for it. cuz you truly will regret it in the future. i know i did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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