The Paramore's. The Official Reality Show: SEASON 2 (TWO) PREMIERE!

[Renith182]

The Paramore’s - Season 2:

 

Episode 1: Somewhere in the world- The Aftermath, the Molson and the Multivitamins.

 

Introducing: Aaron and Misty the Swinging S&M couple and a very special guest from Ren’s real reality world.

Re-introducing: Kathleen; Zac’s crazy love interest.

 

So it’s been exactly 2 months, one week, 4 days, 3 hours and 47 seconds since the finale. Ren is STILL hung-over from that night, finding himself in that warm piece of sidewalk in NJ that Brent used to occupy. One of Brent’s old bum friends keeps offering him a =-joint, but Ren likes to say he’s halfway to being Straight Edge. The song Hayley wrote about having 3 brothers is called “4 brothers: The Sibling, The Madigan and The Creatine freak”. Jarrod and Suzie had a great honeymoon. Drew and Kristina joined up with them halfway on their cruise by jumping from their ship to the other; over some sharks might one add. Each couple had to share a single sized bed. A tighter squeeze than 20 illegal immigrants in the back of a pickup truck loaded with the set from Tool Time. Glorya and Nate have opened their own clothes company called “Emoglass”. Nate’s signature product is a pair of geek glasses, which are powerless prescription glasses. He reckons if people wear them it will allow them to see into the hearts of other people. Jarrod just wonders whether it can go through clothing and metal wire. Glorya prefers her signature purse, which looks small but can actually fit a bag of Doritos inside, the big ones. Ren’s favorite product is the shot glass that has “Take a shot off me and become a drama queen” engraved to the side of it. Ping has returned from Brunei with many gifts. One of them being something that looks like a Tiki doll of Drew except with a wolverine growing in his crotch area. Josh and Zac have been staying at Brent’s mansion. They love their guest rooms and the secret passages leading to other parts of the house (The kitchen and dungeon particularly). The only thing is Kerrie keeps sneaking up on them and scaring them. Scary kids scaring men. Josh’s guitar picks and Zac’s drumsticks keep mysteriously disappearing. Jeremy has been in Arkansas. He called Ren up and told him that he had met Arkansas Dave Rudaborough the 4th. Hunter hangs around with Steve Irwin and has great experiences in Montana chasing after goats and sheep. Alyssa is there to document the whole thing, but almost gets rammed by a ram when she decides to poke one with her pencil to wake it up. She wanted it to do the “hey you’re a goat, I'm a hunter with a big fat shotgun” pose. Irwin teaches Hunter to fight off bears with his bare hands. He then masters the art of the BBQ. Irwin explains that endangered species are not that precious. As long as you leave two, preferably one male and female you will be fine. You can grill the rest. They meet Jackie in the mountainous plains who is attempting to rock board down the hills. She wears a suit of armor custom tailored to fit her while doing it as well. She might need a CAT scan when she is done though.

 

Everyone eventually finds their way back to New Jersey (New Joysey). Everyone gets back together to have a reunion dinner at Fat Salvatore’s place. Ren has never paid one cent to Salvatore. But Sal makes the best Cannelloni. The dinner is on Salvatore, because if its not, he will be in the hospital. Everyone meets a new couple in the joint. Their names are Aaron and Misty. They are fascinated by the emo-ness glimmering from Glorya and Nate’s relationship. They are swingers who mix it up with S&M. They nicely ask Glorya and Nate whether they can have a Four-way with them. Jarrod and Suzie can’t stop laughing they almost choke and die on their ravioli. Ren insists to Paramore that these guys are a class act, and must come on tour with them. Another couple to the Paramore family. Drew and Ren appreciate some good wine together, but the appreciation stops after the 5th bottle. Looks like Ren has another protégé under his belt, not in a sick way either. Kristina learns the art of tasting fine wine with them, but the tasting stops when she forgets to spit out the tasted wine. Ren is a bad sommelier. Kathleen came by to visit everyone at Sal’s joint. Zac is surprised and intrigued to see her again. Kathleen likes his massive Godzilla strength legs. Zac likes her NJ accent and flare. Jarrod is too Maine for them.

 

Ren gets a call from his real best friend Anton Massoni. The conversation goes something like this:

 

Ren: Hello?

Anton: Hey A$$hole, how ya doin prick? It’s me Anton.

Ren: WHOA dude, Tony, how the f**k you doin man?

Anton: I’m doin F***ing great man. Guess what Ren?

Ren: Your pimping sheep again down in New Zealand?

Anton: No You Dumba$$. I’m coming to the US

Ren: Oh sweet A$$ dude. When you coming?

Anton: Ill be there in 3 days.

Ren: Sweet man, I’ve got a family here now.

Anton: Oh Really? That’s awesome man. How’s Hayley?

Ren: She’s my sister man.

Anton: Oh really?

Ren: Yeah

Anton: Okay I gotta go. I’m cheap that way.

Ren: You always were a maricon.

Anton: Well peace out and take care. I’m thinking about you Ren.

Ren: Please don’t, at least not in a gay way.

Anton: Oh don’t worry man I’m as straight as Tom DeLonge’s wiener.

Ren: Oh man. I pray to god u don’t rape the guy beside you on the plane man

Anton: Naw son, I wont but I sure as hell will scare the living S**t outta him.

Ren: hahahaha man you a$$hole

Anton: I am one ain’t I?

Ren: You are for sure. But at least you’re my favorite A$$hole.

Anton: Aw shucks man that’s awesome.

Ren: Of course. I’m an awesome guy. I ain’t a schmuck

Anton: yeah yeah whatever man. Anyways son gotta jet

Ren: Aight man ill cya soon in the state where no one can pronounce.

Anton: haha for sure man. Ill bring you a Brioni.

Ren: Really?

Anton: No A$$hole I don’t have that type of cabbage

Ren: A$$hole

Anton: A$$hole.

 

End of conversation. Ren’s calling card ran out. He spent 10 bucks in 2 minutes.

End of episode. Everyone will be in a special place soon enough.

 

On the next Paramore’s: Eurotrip Part 1 – The UK, France and Germany

 

 

Episode 2: Eurotrip Part 1: Strolling by the UK, ‘Qui Qui’ and the Panzer Tank.

 

Introducing: Pierre the French baker and Helmut the chain smoking, heavy drinking German dude.

 

Re-Introducing: The return of Hayley Double (Scottish Hayley) and Emily the Goth bus driver.

 

So Paramore and the guys are all at Dulles International Airport, awaiting the beginning of a beautiful journey. Anton and Ren are finally reunited to everyone’s delight. Everyone loves the way they make fun of each others mothers. It’s more brutal than a Dillinger Escape Plan concert. Suzie keeps complaining about how food in the airport is overpriced, but stops as soon as Brent offers to pay for everything. Apparently he had been through the airport so many times; he has a tab at Burger King. Brent also buys a few bottles of Skyy Vodka for Ren and the drunks just for the plane ride. Speaking of the plane ride….

 

Drew gets a seat next to Ren and Anton. He wants to learn more about alcoholism from Ren. Kristina gets the aisle next to Jarrod and Suzie. They still can’t seem to get their hands off each other, but then again Aaron and Misty ride behind them watching carefully and appreciating the view. Paramore are at the plane together, talking about the various things they want to do in Europe. Josh and Zac share the same excitement for Sicily as Ren and Kathleen. Hayley and Jeremy hope to get crazy with the French rappers. Hunter wants to see what BBQ’s in Germany are like. Apparently the most romantic language in the world mixed with meaningless droning. But that’s Ren’s opinion. Kerrie finds herself lurking around the plane looking through other people’s baggage. Alyssa doesn’t see why she needs to do that since Brent provides her with everything she needs. Kerrie just loves to do it. What a bad girl. Alyssa seems to be the black book to everything Kerrie steals though, and this is her 40th Rolex. The rain before getting on the plane made Nate and Glorya depressed. The weather is getting to them even more and they don’t look forward to the UK rain, but one guesses that that’s just part of being emo. Ping and Steve Irwin talk about Snakes. Ping wants to have a pet snake but no one allows Snakes on a plane. Irwin warns him that streaking and owning a pet snake isn’t cool or even safe. Ladies would confuse the snake for his ding dong as well. Jackie being the crazy girl she is tries to ride one of the food and beverage trolleys. She states that having one foot on the bread and another on the bottle of champagne give the best balance. She falls on Brent and knocks him out faster than taking 20 sleeping pills with Absolut. At least he gets to sleep the natural way.

 

Britain - Everyone is glad to get off the plane. They meet up with Scottish Hayley and their own bus driver Emily. Apparently Hayley double has been busy in Britain, with the grand opening of her new Donut joint “Hayley O’s”. Hayley realizes the obvious Deja-vou, but remembers that the donut joint ain’t new, and that there must be a few million Hayley’s in this world. Emily retired from driving buses around. She quit after getting a job driving a school bus, and hated the little ankle biting tossers who always made fun of her running mascara. She told them that Ozzy Osbourne was going to turn into a bat and eat them in their dreams. She was fired shortly after. Emily will freeload off the guys, but Brent doesn’t mind. This is Anton’s first time in The UK and he finds the rain to be very calming. But at the same time he comes up with more sadistically mean jokes about Ren’s mom. His drinking has increased ever since he got here as well. Ren has started to smoke again because Anton keeps offering him. They both share old school smoking stories, about Indonesian clove cigarettes up to the most hardcore of Indian cigarettes. If there’s a pole with leaf in it, they’ll smoke it.

 

Anton- You want a Roke Ren?

Ren- Ah I shouldn’t but I will.

Anton- Good man.

Jarrod- What’s a roke?

Anton- You get this Ren?

Ren- Yeah. You see J-rod we used to live in Indonesia. Smoking there was called rokok. So basically a roke is a cigarette to us now. Dun it sound awesome?

Jarrod- No, not really.

Ren- Your mother Jarrod, Your mother.

Jarrod- She might be here actually.

Ren- Oh really?

Jarrod- Yeah.

Ren- Better keep her away from Glorya then.

Jarrod- Yeah for sure.

 

Cigarettes are expensive in the UK. Even Brent reckons it. Kristina and Drew share a plate of fish and chips. They get turned off again when Ping tells a dirty joke regarding the tartar sauce. Irwin gets called a convict by a random Welch punk. Ren and Jarrod jump him but Ren gets shanked by his Mohawk. Not a serious cut, but one that can be treated with Irish whiskey. The rainy weather is the first time Ping has taken a shower in two months. Suzie and Jarrod see a small chapel that reminds them of the wedding. But the real thing it reminded them of was Ren being a complete jerkoff during the whole ceremony. Jarrod passes cradle of Filth on the street. He declares his undying love for them. He makes Dani Filth and Hayley do a bit of a duet. For some reason it just didn’t sound right. Dani is a bit too death for Hayley, Jarrod admits. Suzie is scared of their outfits. Hunter is scared to have a BBQ with them.

 

France - So everyone heads across the English Channel to Paris. Nate says he watched one night in Paris a week ago. Glorya gets pissed at him. But Ping thought he watched a documentary about Paris nightlife. Jeremy shakes his head in disbelief and smacks Ping semi-hard on the face. Walking around the streets there is the smell of cigarettes and wine. But they all run into Canadian Alyssa. She’s an exchange student here and is learning French in college. Apparently French in Quebec is not the true dialect. Her friend Pierre, who is a French baker, invites the fellas to his bakery. Croissants are good but everyone seems to have their attention on the French loaves. They all have their own interpretation of the French loaf (Dirty and clean alike), but the moment is broken when Pierre takes a loaf and puts it on his groin area. He says “hawhawhawhawhaw this is my French loaf! Do not touch!” Ren is the only one to crack up, but there is a grin forming on Emily’s face. This is the first funny thing a Frenchman has done in her life. Scottish Hayley takes a donut and puts it over his loaf. Having some protection is better than none. Misty and Aaron believe in protection. Well they need a weapon with them at the time.

 

They travel further down south to the Alps, which is where Paramore is playing. The mountains are beautiful with ridiculous amounts of snow. The Asians are freezing their balls off because they aren’t used to the cold. Especially Ping, who doesn’t really like the way his ass looks in winter clothing. But that’s his life. Jackie is in her prime here, since the slopes and cliffs are amazing. Before the show they have a few hours to kill, so Jackie decides to give Paramore and the guys snowboarding lessons. The couples of the crew got some crazy looking tandem snowboards that allowed them to slide and bail together. Brent had a gold plated Snowboard, which even Kerrie couldn’t resist trying to steal. Anton’s prior skateboarding experience helped him get through a few obstacles, until Ren got in the way and tripped him up. Tragedy strikes. Steve Irwin lost control and went off a cliff. He made good friends with a 1000 pound bear that was waiting for him below. The poor guy never had a chance. The bear didn’t have a chance either. When a crazy Australian guy in shorts hits anything on a deck, let’s say it ain’t pretty. Everyone surrounds Irwin in disbelief that the Crocodile Hunter actually died. He landed near a graveyard as well, so after Ren and Jarrod Help Dig the hole and Alyssa finished carving the tombstone they called a priest to help him into the afterlife. Pierre and Canadian Alyssa sing a French folk song while he’s being lowered down. After the funeral, Ren who is most shocked by it gets a machete and carves out the majority of the bear excluding spare parts. There is a massive feast before the show. Everyone is so full there isn’t even space for drinks.

 

So eventually everyone makes it to the show. The long walk helped their poor little digestive systems. This is the first time for Paramore to play in winter gear. The French crowd are quite amusing, since they look all timid in their clothes. But under the thick fur, they are drunk off their asses on white and red wine alike. Drew and Ren feel so out of place while they are watching on the side of the stage drinking beer. It’s hard to find a good beer in France. Kristina likes the way Wine is cheaper than Gasoline. There are a lot of Qui Qui’s in the crowd when Hayley asks them if they are having a good time. Most of them pass out by the time My Heart comes on. But soon the show is over, they say goodbye to Canadian Alyssa, and everyone heads to Germany.

 

Germany - So they all arrive in Berlin. It is a very advanced society, somewhat similar to Japan. Our guide in the area is a guy called Helmut. Ren and Anton love him because of his strong German accent. He also drinks and smokes like a mofo as well. Apparently he is Hitler’s grandson. We all believe this to be a lie. But he is not NAZI at all, to the Asians relief. He tells everyone about his vacation home in the ‘Eagles Nest’, his grandfather’s hideout back in the day. Hayley feels the other side of her heritage coming out, and seems to be giving everyone she sees big hugs. She learns from Ren that Schizer is a very bad word. Helmut agrees. There is a certain tranquility in the air, which is always broken when people go ‘OHHHHHHH’ when they see Ping. Nate and Glorya find that thrift shopping in Berlin is expensive. The stores are also littered with tons of Rammstein merch. Aaron and Misty find the latex merch to be quite appealing. There is also a whip that was once used by the vocalist and they snatch that in a heartbeat. There are still remnants of WW2 lying around the town. Jarrod likes the history channel. Suzie likes Lazy Town. Jarrod and Glorya like Lazytown more though. Yeah go figure. Ren and Zac like the cars down here in Germany. And so the speeding begins.

 

Brent was nice enough to pay for a rental of an E46 BMW M3 for Ren. He is seriously stoked, and can’t stop talking about the Autobahn and the way there is no speed limit. The speeds people travel in Germany would land a person in Jail back in the US. Traveling to Cologne for the show, Ren takes Jarrod, Hunter and Hayley for the ride while everyone else hangs tight in the bus. Ren is an insane driver who is an expert at weaving between traffic. Getting on at rush hour, he weaves his way through traffic like water moving through pebbles in a stream. Jarrod who is riding shotgun, nearly soils his pants. Oh wait, he did soil himself. Hunter and Hayley on the other hand enjoy the ride. Like a roller coaster. It is precision driving Ren says. After clearing the traffic they max the car out at 180MPH. The guys have never been so fast in their life, but for Ren that’s his ideal cruising speed. So they get there 3 hours before everyone else does. Ren points out there is paint at certain points of the front and rear bumped. He explains that his weaving is so precise, that he gets so close to other cars that he trades paint with them but neither driver notices. Hayley loves his skills. Hunter wants to have a BBQ because speed makes him Hungry. That’s what Ren does with rental cars. German rentals cars are tougher than others as well. Alyssa thinks that trading paint is a form of art, and everyone but Jarrod agrees.

 

The German crowd is quite an aggressive one. Throwing their fists up in the air like crazy to all of Paramore’s songs. They even managed to pick up some rings onstage cause of the ferocity. Nate throws his left arm up in the air and almost gets beaten up for it. Helmut explains that it is illegal to do the Hitler salute in Germany. He understands and kicks back some Schnapps with Ren. After the show is over though, we realize there is a massive beer drinking festival that had just started outside. We see massive waitresses carrying liter mugs, with 6 in each arm to crazy drunken guys. Drew and Ren join in the fun. Anton helps himself by just taking a keg and feeding himself good German brewsky by the tap. Everyone else is a little more conservative, if not drinking at all. Either way it was a good last night for them to spend in Germany. They part ways with Helmut, who is barely coherent at all and make their way down to the Deep South.

 

This episode was written in the memory of Steve Irwin. (22-02-1962 to 04-09-2006)

 

On the next Paramore’s: Stiletto heels, Palermo and Greece.

 

 

Episode 3: Euro-Trip part 2- Italy, Sicily and Greece.

 

Introducing: Luciano Andolini the mafia biker mobster, Salieri who is Luciano’s father and Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear.

 

Italy - So Paramore and the guys make it into the country that vaguely resembles a 200 dollar stiletto heel. Josh and Zac are really feeling it. It is their first time in Italy and they have a lot to see in Rome. Luckily enough Anton is from Rome and is glad to be back home. He is basically their tour guide around the city. Upon arrival Anton brings everyone to his favorite restaurant in a small suburb in Rome. It’s a small basement restaurant with lots of smoke and the smell of alcohol lingering in the air. But the environment is nice and there is a tenor singing with his band in the corner. Joining all the tables together, they all sit together like Sunday dinner at Tony Sopranos house. Brent pays the tenor to sing a romantic song for the couples of the group. A weary eyed Nate really gets into the emotion of it and holds Glorya closer than Jarrod getting hit by a freight train. Zac and Ren munch down on their food faster than Luciano Pavarotti going down on a plate of Linguini. Anton keeps telling Suzie that the canoli's are a lot different from those back in NY. It’s better actually. Jackie loves her cannelloni. It’s tastier than back her regular join in NJ. Anton finally shows Josh and Zac what the real stuff is like. They agree completely. But as soon as everyone finishes their meal, Ren and Drew start drinking the wine like crazy. They prefer Italian wine to French wine. It’s tastier. Kristina is bored, since wine doesn’t mix well with anything and she can only pour it for the drunkards. Kerrie can’t pickpocket well because the smoke emitted from Ren, Anton and the 10 other people in the joint blurs her vision. The smoke irritates Ping the most, because when it hits his skin he gets rashes. For some reason Scottish Hayley was carrying some Calamine lotion with her so it helps him out a lot. It’s funny because he looks like he just got antiqued by the guys from Jackass. Emily then catches the attention of a man at the corner of the room. He is at the head of his table with a bunch of wise guys hanging around him. He comes over to introduce himself to the guys and his name is Luciano Andolini. Apparently he has his own crime family, but they don’t ride in expensive cars. Even in expensive suits they ride Vespas around looking mean. They all sit down and talk. All of a sudden Luciano offers all of the guy’s scooters to ride. And that they can join the family. They ditch the bus and go on two wheels. Suzie, being a clumsy computer expert has never rode a motorcycle before and falls over many times but is fine. Ren and Luciano teach everyone how to operate the clutch mechanism for old school vespas and in no time (Scottish Hayley had the hardest time) they’re all cruising together. Zac and Josh keep racing each other, but don’t realize Ren is a motorhead and knows all there is about a machine with an engine.

 

Paramore have a show in Milan, the fashion district of the country. All the ladies and Nate are excited to go there to shop. All the designer products you want for a fraction of the price back home. Ren brings all the men with Brent’s permission to Brioni HQ, where he gets them outfitted for crazy expensive suits. Even Ping couldn’t resist. Josh, Jeremy, Hunter and Zac all get matching silk suits costing 3 grand each. Jarrod comments on how this will help them promote their Emergency video and get all pimped out onstage. They even throw in some silk carnations to go with it. Ren helps Brent to get fitted into a new Brown coat. The coat cost over 20 grand and normally it required a down payment. But since Brent keeps money in his already slick looking suit in rolls of 10 grand each (with at least 10 rolls on him) it isn’t a problem. Ren gets a Scarface suit and goes the whole nine yards with it. Brioni himself fitted him. He was even nice enough to bring in a hairdresser to teach him how to make his hair look mobster like in the old Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci mob movies. Drew and Jarrod get matching outfits, since they’re brothers, old school brothers. Nate gets a nice slick sport coat but decides not to get a dress shirt, since he reckons his Aiden T-shirt underneath looks the part.

 

So the ladies head out window shopping. Luckily Brent sponsored them by slipping them a little cabbage before parting ways for a few hours. Since there are no thrift stores, the ladies go designer shopping. The two Hayley’s got themselves some nice dresses which would make even Chad Michael Murray jealous, and Paris Hilton look like she weighs 250 pounds. Suzie and Kristina get a casual wedding style gown that can be worn at any time of the day. Their husbands appreciate that a lot. Glorya decides to get decked out. She ends up looking like Jane Fonda in Monster in Law. Kerrie goes to a designer Spy shop and gets herself a stylish but inconspicuous spy suit. Now she will be able to sneak around with ease. Jackie finds herself getting winter clothing, which is made to fit a queen but won’t break under the stresses of extreme sports. Emily gets one of everything at the Armani boutique, but only in black. Since she’s a destructive girl it will last longer swell. Last but not least, Alyssa gets herself outfitted with crazy Gucci sunglasses. That’s all she could afford, since the other ladies spent her share. She’s cool with it though.

 

Riding down to get on a boat to Sicily, they see Jeremy Clarkson at a stop filming for Top Gear. Apparently he really likes the New Pagani Zonda. Everyone thinks it looks like the bat mobile. Ping almost got burnt by the high rear centre exiting exhaust pipes. Ren has a casual conversation with Clarkson, who is probably the most sarcastic guy in Europe. Everyone loves his humor though. He makes fun of the vespas though and Anton had to hold Luciano back. Luckily enough Luciano got to say “vaffanculo” to Clarkson, who has no idea what it means. Emily seemed to understand Clarkson the most though, since their English accents were similar. Ren and Anton had fun making fun of them. Clarkson then has to finish the filming of it, and peels out from the lot with the camera car and man to carve the slopes of southern Italy.

 

Sicily - So after a somewhat tedious boat ride (Jarrod hates sharks), they arrive in Palermo, the capital. Ren, Anton, Josh, Zac and Kathleen equally share the same feeling arriving on the shore. It is like being back in the old country for all of them. Jarrod and Suzie look onto them and shake their heads. But in this old country, shaking your head might mean losing it here. Luciano has been here many times, and dealt with the crazy Salvatore ‘ToTo’ Riina back in the day. For a guy who whacked over 300 guys its no wonder they call him crazy. The crime level is very high in this part of Sicily, But Luciano said he would protect us with his life. Good chap he is. There is only a momentary stop in Palermo, because the real show is in the town of Corleone. Everyone is really pumped to head to Corleone. Ren and Anton especially. They just recently re-watched the Godfather trilogy. They’re ready to go back to the old country. They ride on the vespas next to each other, continuously repeating lines from the movies. They almost crash into a wall as a result. The ride over was pretty relaxing for everyone though. Driving past meadows, sheep, and farmers looking for truffles with their dogs. They used to use pigs for that but they were smart and ate them. The greatest moments were when passing by farmhouses cooking traditional hardcore Sicilian cuisine. It’s a smell to die for. Luciano told everyone they can stay in his fathers place. Upon arrival we meet his father Salieri. He can’t speak any English and only converses with Anton and Luciano. Ren’s understanding of Sicilian profanity allows him to understand 75 percent of what Salieri is saying. He has a good heart though. He is a wealthy man and has a nice mansion. Everyone gets a beautiful room with a view of a lake nearby. Its one of those moments for Ren and Anton and they pull out some Cuban cigars to smoke and listen to opera. It is an inspirational moment for Paramore and they decide to write a few songs and lay down demos using Alyssa as their recording device. She’s now Paramore’s official Sony DVD cam and 8 track recorder. Aaron and Misty find themselves sneaking out into the rose gardens to fool around, not realizing that there is video surveillance at all corners of the compound. Glorya and Nate absorb the rays of beautiful sunlight and for once are actually happy. They jumped into the lake with Suzie and Jarrod who are wrestling with each other. Suzie is too small for Jarrod’s arms and just slips out of his grip all the time. Kristina finally gets to experiment with mixing different wines since Salieri has a massive cellar. Drew is her taster. Brent and Salieri talk about rich and luxurious things. Brent even buys an antique clock off him for 10 grand because it just looked so good. He will put it over his head when he gets back. Kerrie tests out her spy suit by sneaking around the house and scaring the maids and the Butler. But since she respects Salieri’s good heart she doesn’t steal anything from him. On the way to the show, Salieri shows everyone where they actually filmed parts of the Godfather. Josh, Zac, Ren and Anton have an outer body experience. It actually seemed like they exchanged bodies for a moment. Kathleen gets so emotional she starts crying. It’s a magical moment. There are many of them in this part of the world. They even got to talk to some of the village folk that had met Al Pacino himself in his old days.

 

Apparently there are a lot of Paramore fans in Corleone. The venue for the show was pretty run down, but it had a really nice vibe to it. The Corleone punks and emo kids were awesome. Nate and Glorya got to hang out and talk emo with them. Ren and Anton got to talk real punk with them. Well in sign language anyways. The mosh pit was mediocre, but then again Jarrod ‘The freight Train’ Church wasn’t around to entice anything. A lot of the locals liked Hallelujah there, but then again a lot of locals like that song. We even see some wise guys in the back smoking cigars and having a good time. Paramore is now officially connected to the REAL Sicilian Mob. There is nothing to stop Paramore now. Well only in Sicily. When they go north it’s out of their jurisdiction. But that’s okay. Paramore and the guys are a bunch of nice chaps. They don’t get in much trouble. Only when Ren goes on a drinking binge with Anton and Drew does the Party start. And well the party is going to start. Further up north and east

 

 

On the next Paramore’s: Scandinavia and Russia.

 

 

Episode 4: Euro-Trip Part 3 - Scandinavian metal and Russian Vodka.

 

Introducing: Millencolin, Yngwie Malmsteen, Thor the Viking and a Russian mobster called Jerkoffsky.

 

Special Guest star: Queen Ashley the new age Tsarette.

 

Finland - So Paramore and the guys head up north to the Scandinavian states. Helsinki, Finland is a nice place. Ren used to know someone in high school from Finland and that’s saying something, considering the city he lived in most of his life had over 3 times the population of the whole country (Jakarta). Anton knows perfectly well what that’s like. Ping is having a hard time adjusting to the weather. It’s too cold for his cohunes and it’s too dry. Paramore love the way it’s so quiet there. Everyone seems to have their own thing going on. The silence is abruptly broken when Anton bumps into Thor, a Viking. The guys like his headgear but the horns seem to scare Kerrie. It might rip her new spy suit. It was only a matter of time until Nate and Glorya would find thrift shops. It’s expensive but everything is in pristine condition. A bunch of local emo kids come in. Glorya and Nate are blown away by them, because their emo-ness is extreme, like the gold in Fort Knox. Instead of Dickies and AA, they have crazy local brands catering to that stuff. They pick up some crazy stuff which even Jarrod and Suzie find amusing. Suzie buys herself a new IMac, with Ren making fun of her and threatening to throw it out of the tour bus window if she tries to stick the apple logo on his forehead. Kristina finds the alcohol in Finland to be unique and tests our her skills on Drew, who surprisingly enough is getting hammered before Ren. Now that’s an achievement. Jackie loves the snow, but there are no mountains to snowboard. Instead she steals a snow plow, crashes it into Thor’s mother’s trailer and it ruins her soufflé. She almost goes to jail but Brent convinces the cops with a few G’s to lay off it. Scottish Hayley can’t find a donut shop in sight and comes up with a new business idea of introducing her newly opened chain to the country. She will be richer than Brent in a few years. Emily finds herself to be somewhat conservative in her Goth dressing style, because the death and black metal bands go to the extreme at this part of the world. Even 13 year old kids are getting full body tattoos of cryptic things, to Jarrod’s liking. Emily walks into a Goth clothing store but finds Aaron and Misty in there looking for S&M toys. Ping almost soils his pants when Misty cracks a whip at him. Aaron really liked the new limited edition S&M Nokia phone, which vibrates about 10 times as hard as a regular phone. You’d think Misty would like that, but he’s a little off his head.

 

So Jarrod and Ren are walking around, and they were shocked when they saw Yngwie Malmsteen playing at the side of the street. They introduce themselves and say they love guitar music. But apparently nobody else does which is why he’s there. He still has a mansion with a studio and over 100 guitars. The scalloped necks are super fast he says, but it takes stupid amounts of skill to play it. He then plays a 10 minute song which involves ridiculous sweep picking of arpeggios from every chord possible. The song includes 20 modes as well (12 of them him inventing himself). Jarrod and Ren are blown away by his finger speed and his pick almost catches on fire. Josh and Hunter watch from a distance and feel the need to somewhat up the ante. But Ren re-assures them that Paramore’s guitar playing doesn’t need sweeps. It’s good enough where it is. After that, everyone heads to a restaurant to have dinner. It’s a punk rawk restaurant and Millencolin is playing in there. They are the only ones to understand what they are saying. Nate and Ren get into a verbal fistfight about the song Fox. Nate thinks it’s about a woman but Ren knows it’s about a motorbike. 200 pounds of silver chrome. Until the day that latex can look like silver, Ren wins this one. When they finish their set, Millencolin shows everyone what is good on the menu. Hayley is curious to try some local delicacies. After trying that there is a famous dessert with tons of sugar in it. It’s called Sugar Mämmi. Hayley enjoys it a lot, but realizes Ren is grinning at the corner of the table. She asks him what’s so funny. He points at Glorya and says “She’s a sugar mommy hunter”. Jarrod laughs so hard it seems like his digestive system went in reverse. Kathleen and Zac seem to be the most romantic couple of the night, and seem to be feeding each other pickled Herring. Thor eats more rye bread than Nate and Ren together eat rice. He says that back in the Viking days Rye was the best way to survive. Scottish Hayley is amused by the way the bread is shaped in circles and has a hole in it. The Rye bread donut is the new way to go. Aaron gets dirty ideas with the Rye, but before he can sneak off with one Brent tells him to sit his @$$ down. The Rye bread is so hard though, and Jackie even admitted it could be used for snowboards. Thor explains ancient Viking cooking methods, while Alyssa is planning to write a new cookbook. Millencolin is more punk than Ren. But Ren is more gangster than Millencolin. Either way Ren is a lucky man to have met them.

 

The next day everyone wakes up very late and there is a rush to the Paramore show. They have barely enough time to do a sound check, and that’s when Anton, Ren an Drew start their drinking sessions. The Finnish crowd are insane. There is real diversity here because it seems like everyone from all different underground societies get together to watch them. Everyone besides the emo kids look out of place, but seem to share the same amount of enthusiasm for Paramore’s music. Ren and Jarrod who are semi-pissed drunk off their asses, join the mosh pit and almost get ripped in half. Hayley comes to the Rescue and tells all the boys to be nice or she’s gonna throw the lantern into the crowd. Only the creepy guys didn’t stop because they didn’t mind burning in hell. After a crazy night with tons of broken spiked bangles on the ground its time to call it quits because everyone needs to go to Russia. A little east and a little south will land everyone in Moscow

 

Russia - Paramore and the guys arrive in Moscow. It’s a very different atmosphere here, since there are a lot more homeless people. It is an interesting situation Paramore are in, because the new Tsarette (Queen) of Russia seems to really like them. Her name is Ashley. Not very Russian but I guess her surname Abramoff seems to help her out. She sends a bus to the airport to pick everyone up. It’s got a gold paintjob. Upon arrival to her residence which is the Winter Palace, everyone is amazed by how beautiful the place looks. Suzie gets scared because there are a lot of guys with AK-47’s, Russia’s largest import after Vodka. Speaking of which Ren and Drew cant wait till they get their hands on some premium alcohol at the palace. Nothing like getting wasted with royalty. As we approach the main hall Queen Ashley is waiting there with a right hand man. There is a Deja-vou for everyone since it reminded them of the time Brent and Kerrie kidnapped them. Even Brent and Kerrie have one since the palace reminds them somewhat of their mansion, but obviously a few times larger. Everyone kisses her ring and her right hand man introduces himself. His name is Jerkoffsky. Apparently he is a Russian mob boss who deals directly with the Queen. They collaborate together to make a load of money. Ren and Anton are curious as to how he runs his business, since he heard its run a lot different than the Mafia back home. After formalities they approach the dining room and there is a meal fit to feed a king. Kill the King Jarrod says. Ashley agrees. That’s why she’s the Queen now. No one can believe how much food there is. Jackie says the dining table is longer than 10 snowboards. Anton says the table is longer than 3000 cigarette butts put together. Chain smoking is bad. Anton likes to tell Ren that he can quit, but he can’t stop. As they sit down on their thrones (yes because the chairs are that big). Everything is gold plated in the palace, the thrones all the cutlery. Ping is overwhelmed by the number of forks and spoons on his table. Being a man he just grabs the biggest fork and knife there is and munches down on a steak. People come around offering the rarest most expensive cigarettes, Cigars and alcohol on the planet. The smokers and drinkers find themselves learning Kerrie’s art of stealing. The only difference is you say thanks after you’ve stolen something. Kristina is being pampered so much she seems to show the bartenders how to make unique drinks. The guys like her style.

 

 

So over dinner Ren and Anton ask how Jerkoffsky runs his business. He explains it’s a lot more complicated and advanced than the Mafia, since it works internationally. He is a degree holder and a very intelligent man judging from his near perfect English and gentlemanly demeanor. He then slips off his silk suit and exposes his whole torso area. It is covered in tattoos and he explains that the tattoos are a big part of Russian mob culture. You could tell from a man’s tattoo’s how many years he’s spent in prison, how many people he’s killed, how he killed them and many more things. Alyssa takes it down and will probably be able to open her own Russian mob tattoo parlor that caters to the Redfellas back home. Everyone is intimidated by him but he reassures them that if they’re a friend of Queen Ashley, they won’t ever get touched. He even offers to give everyone 3 free hit vouchers on the person of their choice. It doesn’t matter whether they’re in Antarctica he says, he will find them and take care of business. After that they continue to hang out and talk business and recreation alike but after a few drinks and a long day its time to hit the sack. Everyone has their own rooms and the couples get a double King size bed. Living in luxury couldn’t be better for Aaron and Misty because their room is filled with 100 different types of whips. It is Kerrie’s playground because there are secret passages heading to parts of the house that can’t be accessed by normal doors. There is a secret wine cellar. She shows Drew, Ren, Anton and Jarrod the way and they end up spending the night on the silk woven couches down there. Jeremy who had problems sleeping that night, decided to go for a walk. He falls through a trap door into the wine cellar and wakes everyone up. They start drinking even more after that.

 

The next morning it is time to prepare for the show. It is actually in front of the palace and the stage is the biggest anyone has ever seen. You could fit the Mighty Mighty Bosstones and the new Atari's line up on there and still have space for crazy whirligigs. The breakfast is just as lavish as the dinner and everyone can barely walk. Over the meal Jerkoffsky tells a classic Russian joke. “In America, You can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you”. Only a few understood the joke. He hates Communism. Before the show though, Jerkoffsky joined by Queen Ashley show everyone what a Russian sauna is like. There are people in the stream rooms and it is really nice change especially for Ping. Ren and Drew drink like crazy in the saunas. Its Russian tradition to do so. Everyone lies on their backs on what look like massage tables. A bunch of masseuses come into the room and start beating everyone with massive leafs. The leafs have special oils on them that open your pores up and clean them. This is too much for Ren and prefers just sitting butt naked with bottle in one hand and nothing in the other. Jackie finds the steam in the room to be too much for her, but doesn’t want to be rude and stays in. Instead she joins Ren for a drinking binge.

 

Paramore decide to dress up like royalty for this show. All the TV networks in Russia are filming the show, so no random pounces on the stage by anyone else other than the band. The Russian crowds are aggressive, with the help of vodka and crank. They looked similar to the Finnish crowd except they were more ghetto. It was a real layman’s show and surprisingly enough everyone knew the lyrics to their songs. Queen Ashley had her elevated throne to get a good view of the whole crowd without mosh pits in the way. Friends of Paramore get to stand at the side of the massive stage and watch an awesome show, which consists of crazy lights, fireworks and Pyro works making it a pyromaniac’s wet dream. This is the first time Josh, Jeremy and Hunter get to run a wireless system and do crazy guitar tricks. It’s insane. It resembled more a super joint ritual show than a Paramore one.

 

All in all this was probably the most luxurious trip for Paramore and the guys. It is a shame to say goodbye to Queen Ashley and Jerkoffsky (Though most have a feeling that this isn’t the last they will see of them). They give a present to Hayley. It is more Spongebob Squarepants than even Spongebob could handle. The tour continues further east. And south. To the land of rice and ricers.

 

On the next Paramore’s: Chinese people are fun. Especially Ren.

[Renith182]

Episode 5: The Chinaman and the high possibility of swearing. So yeah they’re going to China.

 

Introducing: Lai the Chinese girl who’s actually Filipino and Uncle Lan Jiau who is Ren’s long lost Uncle.

 

Special guest appearance: Blink 182 (Thomas Matthew DeLonge, Mark Allen Hoppus and Travis Landon Barker.

 

So Paramore and the guys head over to China and arrive in Beijing. This is a truly emotional moment for Ren and Nate, because they have never been back to the old country before and are bloody well stoked. It’s a new experience for most of the non-Chinese guys, since being a REAL minority (remember China has more people than 10 Japans). The Asians blend in well. This trip is special, because Blink 182 have decided to do one last show and it happened to be in China (A lot of Asian fans never got to see them and now they do). There are estimates of a few hundred thousand people coming to watch, the largest gathering here since the Mongolians tried to break through the great wall. The best part: Paramore will open for them. Everyone is stoked for the show in a few days, but as always pre-show anxiety is always taken out by exploring the surrounding area.

 

The tour guide for this leg of the journey is a girl named Lai. Apparently she is really Filipino but her parents moved to China and gave her a Chinese name. From Ren’s knowledge her name means “Come here” in Cantonese. Nate has some fun practicing his Chinese and annoying the hell out of her.

 

Nate: Lai

Lai: What is it Nate?

Nate: Oh I'm not calling you I told you come here!

Lai: @$$hole

Nate: haha

Lai: If you keep this up I’m going to kill you

Nate: With what?

Lai: This bowl of rice

 

Yeah they didn’t get off on the right foot. Fortunately though Hayley loves Lai and is anxious to learn more from her. There is no tour bus in China for the guys. Firstly it is too dangerous to drive one around there. Secondly Paramore’s gear is getting sent directly to the venue, so no bass drums to lug around. Everyone has to ride bicycles. It’s not much of a problem for Jeremy, Hunter and Jarrod who are jacked beyond belief. On the other hand Anton and Ren especially have problems riding. Years of smoking and drinking have destroyed their stamina and they couldn’t ride if an elephant was chasing them. They also stop every mile to have cigarette breaks and talk about the old days. It’s just a walk in the park for Jackie. Emily, Glorya and Nate all stand out here. There aren’t many that look like them here and it is an advantage because most traffic will avoid them. The only problem for them is, there aren’t any bloody thrift stores here! When depressed they drink. Join the Ren and Drew club/show. Ping likes the draft he gets from riding naked. It means that he doesn’t need a towel after a shower. The couples have tandem bicycles. They aren’t the most well built ones, especially with Zac and Jarrod who weigh more than Ren after 4 double cheeseburgers from BK but they do the job. There is nothing special about Aaron and Misty bike. Everyone has a decent time fitting in. It is near dinner time and one must eat. And boy they do when Lai takes them all to the best Chinese joint in Beijing, serving probably every type of Chinese cuisine possible. Since they’re a big crowd, the guys whip out a massive round table which would impress even King Arthur. Everyone take a seat (on something barely called a seat) and wait for the food. Jarrod is not used to Chinese food. But Ren assures him he will like it. It’s better than Taco’s (even Ted’s). Alyssa almost has a heart attack seeing the amount of food coming onto the table. She is doing a documentary on Chinese cuisine and it is too overwhelming for her. Scottish Hayley makes her a Rye bread donut from Finland and she gets a lot better. Nate and Ren are in food heaven, now that they can try the real thing. Peking duck is one of the best things around. It reminds Jeremy of Japanese food, but Ren tells him its not “Chop Suey” or “Kung Pao Chicken.” Lai tells him and the rest of the American’s the proper pronunciation for it. They get to try the original Chinese food, which is way better than take out back home. Brent and Kerrie are reminded of the feasts they had back home in their mansion. There are no fortune cookies but Lai calls for a palm reader to check on everyone. Paramore gets checked, and their life and money lines are very long, which means they will be rich and live long enough to spend it. Ren and Nate have good fortune lines, and something great or terrible will happen to them. The guy says it’s probably a 50/50 chance. The couples get their palms checked and compared. Jarrod and Suzie will be married for a long time, even if they hate each other guts 30 years down the line they will still be there for each other. Same with Drew and Kristina who are too busy eating their food to realize. Zac and Kathleen have a long ways to go until they reach something great, but there is something great at the end of the tunnel. Aaron and Misty are confirmed to be together for life and after life. The only thing they will have is pain in their relationship for that time of eternity. Doesn’t bother them though. Ren finally gets the chance to show Anton real Chinese food, since Tony showed Ren real Italian food. Chinese food is harder to make though. Lai points out the person making long life noodles. It takes incredible technique to make noodles that long in a short span of time. Ren says that on a birthday, one must eat long life noodles to have a long life. Nate replies by saying “Confucius he say, Man who walk through metal detector in Thailand will Bangkok”. Everyone starts laughing so hard that Brent starts shooting noodles out of his nose. Like in Japan it is polite to slurp your noodles. Lai says that most of today’s modern inventions were invented by the Chinese way before the Europeans ever got a chance at it. For instance, Gunpowder was used to make fireworks for Chinese New Year celebrations. The Europeans came by and took it and made guns out of it and came back to China to kill people. They also got the majority of the Chinese population hooked on Opium since they’re always under ridiculous amounts of stress. The drinkers go down on a bottle of Rice wine faster than Balsa wood chair breaking in Pavarotti’s dressing room. It is their legal way of getting over stress. And if that wasn’t enough at this point the Dim Sum trolleys just started coming. It is the beginning of a very long night. Kerrie tries to steal Dim Sum from the trays, but the Chinese waiters are more than prepared for thieves and zap her with a cattle prod. She makes her way back to Brent who asks her whether she just got bit by a vampire. Lai gets a waiter to bring Ren and Anton some local Chinese cigarettes. They’re the most hardcore cigarettes they have ever smoked, and stink up the room just lying in the pack. They smoke it anyway and almost kill everyone in the room, but someone opens up the window and they are saved. Ren and Anton drink local herbal cough syrup to stop a sore throat from coming on. Hayley does as well after inhaling more cancer than Denis Leary in a house on fire. All of a sudden everyone hears metallic sounds and thinks it’s a Chinese kung fu movie. They realize that someone has a massive wok and are frying noodles. It’s a really exciting experience for all the foreigners to see the action of the fryer banging the loops against the Wok and tossing extremely hot liquid around a pan without burning himself. The food finally comes and everyone munches in. Jarrod doesn’t know how to use chopsticks and Ren helps him. There is one big plate of noodles in the centre and everyone just grabs from the same place. That’s how it goes down in China. Of course that’s how a cold epidemic goes down in China as well but go figure. Josh and Hunter go to the restroom to do their business after the noodles. They come out in disbelief as to how dirty the toilet is and the fact there isn’t even a flusher. Pissing on the sidewalk is probably cleaner than that. Lai explains Hygiene isn’t good like western standards but she’s been eating this food for years and never gotten sick once. It’s just the appearance, though there is a higher risk of getting food poisoning. Everyone takes activated carbon pills after that just to make sure. The last course of the meal includes spare parts. The white people are extremely grossed out by this, but this is part of Asian cuisine: Nothing goes to waste. After getting over the fact that they are spare parts, they decide to give it a try and it’s better than expected. Jackie has a liking to chicken liver and Pig’s intestines remind Jeremy of sashimi in Japan. Hunter has a liking for Ox Tail and Tongue soup while Kristina and Drew share some chicken’s feet. Lai says don’t think about what the chicken has stepped on you will be good. It is the best food everyone has tasted in a while and they are appreciative of everyone in the restaurant for being such nice chaps. Hayley gives everyone a bottle of Mylanta as an American token of gratitude, even though the guys are the ones that will probably need that after a meal like this. In China people spit like crazy and there is a ‘bomb’ in almost every square foot on the street. Lucky they ride bicycles most of the way, but when coming to a stop they must watch their feet. Even getting from the front door to their one star hotel is like jumping through the minefields between North and South Korea. There is a reason for spitting in China. Firstly it’s built in the Chinaman blood to spit. Ren teaches everyone the true Asian spit, which includes breathing back really hard to get all the phlem, gargling it and then spitting it out. The second reason is because a lot of Chinese people smoke the cigarettes Anton and Ren tried out everyday so there is almost a need to do it. Every second square foot of the street has a cigarette butt on it.

 

The next day everyone heads to the countryside to visit the Great Wall of China. The westerners are amazed by the length and mass of it all. Millions of people died making it and many were buried inside the walls. Ren and Nate look at the wall with all the glory of their history. Jackie just wonders how many steps there are so she can do massive sets on her skateboard. She might just breaks her knees doing that. One of the guards there asks Ren if he has a cigarette. His Mandarin is poor but they start a conversation. Ren then mentions the name of his great grand father and the town he was from. The guard says ‘holy s**t’ in Chinese and says that he’s part of Ren’s family. Apparently he is Ren’s long lost Uncle called ‘Lan Jiau’, which actually means a really dirty word in Hokkien but is actually something really good in Cantonese. They talk start talking while everyone else is amazed by the chances of meeting a family member and of course, the wall itself. Ren’s only knowledge of Chinese language over all dialects is the profanity.

 

Uncle Lan Jiau: Aiya ma chow hai lo! (Means something very bad)

Ren: Tiu Ma hai ah! (means something even worse)

Uncle Lan Jiau: Tiu leh lo meh ah! (Means something even worse than the last thing said)

Ren: Tiu Nia Ma Chow Hai Lah! (Completely Absurd)

Uncle Lan Jiau: Ma Chow Cheeby lah! (means the same thing in another dialect)

Ren: Lan Jiau Lah! (Means his uncles name)

Uncle Lan Jiau: Ka Knee na bu chow cheeby lah! (Completely absurd in another dialect)

Ren: Aiya Lao Cheeby lah! (Enough to make your mother disown you)

 

The conversation is really deep and Lai only understands what they are saying. Lai looks at them in disbelief but at the same time isn’t surprised. That’s how a Chinaman talks to one another; every second word is a dirty word. The only thing their Chinawoman wives can do is tell them not to swear at the dinner table but that really work. Lan Jiau is a true Chinaman. He is even more Chinese than Nate. After Alyssa has finished analyzing the great wall like Michael Scofield from Prison break analyzes a prison’s electric chair, everyone has to head out because the next day is the show.

 

So everyone arrives in Hong Kong safe and sound and are hella excited for the show. Ren and Anton love Blink 182 beyond belief and will get to meet them very soon. Nate and Glorya are happy that Hong Kong have thrift stores. The only problem that arises is the fact that the salespeople are a bunch of wankers. You can’t touch a piece of clothing unless you wanna buy it, so in the end they had to just estimate whether their matching dashboard confessional shirts will fit them. There is no S&M in Hong Kong either, so Aaron and Misty have to wait till they get back home to do more shopping. Ren tells Jarrod that Herman Li from Dragonforce is from Hong Kong. He gets a great big smile on his face and listens to Through the fire and the flames while cruising in the downtown area. The time passed before the show just includes a lot of shopping on Paramore’s part, and a lot of drinking on the delinquent’s part. Paramore stock up on a lot of Chinese snacks and souvenirs while the drunken guys test out some ridiculously strong Chinese alcohol which is twice as strong as Russian Vodka. Kristina won’t even touch that with a 50 foot pole because it might just explode. It’s like seeing Kenny from south park drinking Gasoline cause he’s just that hardcore. But Ren, Drew and Anton are hardcore as well and will go to the ends of the earth like the thirsty traveler to try out all the alcohol they can.

 

Everyone heads to the venue early, since they want to meet Mark, Tom and Travis. They’re just hanging out in their massive backstage chillin room which is decked out with everything. Paramore and the guys introduce themselves to them, and Blink 182 replies by saying they love Paramore’s music and that it is an honor for them to have them open. Travis even lets Zac use his kit to start up, and that is an insane honor for him because OCDP drums are insanely good. Zac can’t stop telling Travis how much he loves him and even joins him for his warm up. Travis likes to warm up hours before the show to prevent carpel tunnel. Since Zac is built like a tank he warms up by playing hackeysack with Josh. Ren declares his undying love to Tom DeLonge, who is drunk off his ass with wine and tries to rape Ren in the blink manner. He also likes to run around saying ‘I’m gay’ and slaps Ping’s ass who doesn’t mind because he is star struck. Kristina and Suzie can’t stop staring at Mark Hoppus who is looking extremely good tonight. They start a conversation and flirt with him but he is a married man, and they are married ladies. Mark comments on how nice Emily is looking tonight, and likes her style. Aaron and Misty want to have a Four-way with Tom and Mark, but they’re not into S&M though they’re retardedness brings them a lot of pain. Tom then gets an old acoustic guitar and smashes it up outside. He then drives the tour bus over it and it is non existent. He gets fined for littering the streets.

 

So the show starts and there is a crazy roar that goes through the well dressed emo and punk audience when Paramore go on. One reporter describes it to be a made match in heaven having them play before Blink. Scottish Hayley’s donut company is the main sponsor of the show, and being a businesswoman herself this is the best advertisement plan any company could have. Paramore were actually so nervous backstage that Josh almost passed out. But they get on there and do their great thing and it all works out in the end. There are fans from all over Asia and the world that have come to watch this show since it is the last show they will ever play. The crowd is so big Hayley can’t even see where it ends. None of them have ever seen themselves on a big screen before. Brent says that it was like Woodstock in 1969 when Jimi Hendrix came on to play the star spangled banner. That was a moment suspended in time. Blink was even nice enough to let Paramore do an encore. But the fireworks start when Blink go onstage. They will be doing a 2 hour set which includes some of the best songs from Buddha all the way up to their self titled record. There is almost an earthquake when they start off with Dumpweed and everyone is jumping up and down. I guess getting a few hundred thousand kids to jump up and down at the same time in China will destabilize the Earth’s orbit around the Sun. But it’s a valid reason to do so. Winters will be colder and summers will be even hotter now. They play one of Ren’s old school favorites M&M’s and Tom DeLonge actually practiced to play this song live now. What’s my age again is insane and they allow Ping to go onstage to dance naked. He is the most famous streaker in the world and people go crazy for him like people did for William Hung. She Bangs he says. Mark even invites Hayley onstage to sing along to Adam’s song and Stay together for the kids back to back. It’s the most beautiful duet and it gives a whole new meaning for To Write Love On Her Arms. They instantly got 10 thousand more friends on Myspace and the amount of money they are rolling in for T shirts could get Ren a mansion. Hayley goes offstage with a good feeling on her conscience. She might’ve just saved a few thousand kids. Anton and Ren are joined by Josh and Hunter when they crowd surf for a whole hour. Apparently they went half a mile into the crowd and then back onstage. Jackie then crowdboards for the rest of the show. Alyssa has to take 10 aspirins to relief the massive migraine she’s having just by filming the show. It’s all worth it though. The crowd is so packed Kerrie can’t even lift wallets and watches from the audience. Brent’s silk Brioni suit reflects light like gold onstage. When Blink play "Always" off their self titled, the couples feel so close together and remind each other of why they are with each other and there is a strong sentiment that there are babies being made in the crowd to Tom’s liking. Travis then does the craziest drum solo of his career and Zac has an outer body moment. He is strapped down to his drum riser that has flames around the size and eventually goes upside down. The final song they play is Anthem part 2 which has so much energy in the ending that there is a slight tremor in the ground. But just when everyone thought that they had finished their last song, the roar of encore from the crowd wakes up even Ren’s mother in Malaysia. They all come back onstage inviting Paramore and the guys to join them for their last song which is Dammit. A frenzy goes over the crowd and The guys have a hard time balancing onstage but rock out their fullest. It the craziest 3 minutes in everyone’s life. The scream from the crowd as the last note rings breaks the strings on Tom’s guitar and cracks Jarrod reading glasses along with all the stage lights. Tom and Mark say good night for the last time and thank everyone for making it a great experience for them. Everyone walks offstage with a feeling so content, it can’t be explained with words. Blink feel so happy but sad at the same time for walking offstage, but they have their reasons for parting separate ways. It was nice for them to do this last show. Tom comments on how he thinks Paramore will become as big as blink in less than a years time. Everyone agrees with him. It is time to leave a magical moment behind, but everyone is relieved the “half-the-world” tour is over and they are glad to go back home. China has been a great experience for not only Ren and Nate. Everyone will miss it. The culture and food especially. They say their last goodbyes to Blink and thank them for an awesome experience. Tom walks away with Mark chasing his ass and Travis looking funny at them. That’s blink 182 for you. They also hug and kiss Lai goodbye, who is crying because she will miss the greatest moment in her life. Anyhow back to the US for everyone. There will be a short break for everyone, and they head back to familiar territory.

 

“This episode is dedicated to Blink 182: The band that inspired Ren to do things he never thought he could. Thanks for saving his life and making his life better in all ways. Peace.”

 

On the next Paramore’s: Back to Franktown, we mean Tennessee.

 

 

Episode 6: Franklin Part 2, Hayley’s mom, Benji and the Skyline

 

Introducing: Hayley’s Mom (Mrs. Williams), Kayla the straight clothes designer/tailor and Anna the crazy racer chick.

 

Re-introducing: Hayley’s Dad (Mr. Williams)

 

So Paramore and the guys head back to Franklin, TN. The chaos caused at the Farro Household after part 1 have forced them to stay at the Williams residence, which is not a bad tradeoff in everyone’s book. Hayley is glad to be back in her room, while the other girls in the group seem to enjoy snooping around in there to see her wardrobe and taste in posters. Glorya takes it too far and gets Kerrie to crack open her personal lockbox. They are banned from her room for life, and Hayley enforces that rule by having Jarrod and Ren guard it when they aren’t drunk, which is for tops - 2 hours a day. Even then they are wrestling outside her room screaming “I got bigger cohunes than you!” It is a tight squeeze fitting everyone in the house, but there is a big couch with even bigger couch cushions. Where’s a futon when you need one. Ping has to sleep in the lawn because it ruins the carpets in the house. It is a real difference from the royalty they felt in Russia, but it isn’t going to get any easier. Alyssa gets to go back to her home in Smyrna and spends her time there away from the crowd. The rest of the guys in Paramore get to sleep in their own beds. They do come over to the Williams residence to hang out everyday though which is cool. Jackie can’t stand the heat at all, and is burning up. But she realizes that doing yoga helps, but with Ren and Drew making fun of her every move she finds that drinking with the drinkers helps a lot more. Hayley, Nate and Glorya go out shopping downtown. There are many thrift shops but stuff is pricey. They come across a girl called Kayla who designs clothes in her shop. She’s actually straight as well to their surprise. Custom made band shirts are her specialty, and even the bands themselves say they aren’t rip-offs. Glorya and Nate get matching Straylight Run Tee’s. Hayley gets herself a T shirt/dress/tights/who knows what made. It will be the thing she wears from now onwards. Kayla is a nice girl, who actually hits on Nate for his outstanding emo-ness, but even Glorya isn’t jealous because she is proud of how far her man has gone to impress her. Kayla is invited by Hayley to a BBQ that’s gonna be happening at her residence. Hunter now has his chance to show off his BBQing skills like a guy on Iron Chef. Actually there will be a face-off at the BBQ. Hunter’s BBQing skills vs. Kristina’s drink mixing skills. The first guinea pig on their respective side to pass out will win. They get the luxury bunk bed on the next tour bus.

 

Jarrod and Suzie are celebrating this 3rd month anniversary by going to the Taco Bell. They are joined by a weary eyed Aaron and bloodshot eyed Misty. Their S&M practices are starting to take their toll. Aaron can’t even sit down on a bar stool without needing a pillow. Kerrie keeps switching his real pillow with a fart pillow all the time, so now everyone looks at him funny everywhere. It’s noisy but has no smell. Not like Ren and Anton’s silent but deadly killer farts. Scottish Hayley finds herself promoting her new chain by spending time in the kitchen making her signature donuts. She’s an entrepreneur and has to keep Alyssa away from her recipes to prevent her from stealing ideas. Her company looks like its going the same route as Famous Amos. Except instead of making cookies for friends and family she’s going downtown to have a bake sale. Her Rye bread donuts with double fudge glazing will do very well because there is the healthy part of the bread with the most fattening fudge. She named the donut the “Contradiction Killer”. Kerrie likes the name a lot. Brent on the other hand is looking around at property in Franklin. It’s expensive but he wants to have a 2nd home so he won’t have to share a home with delinquents while he’s there. He can afford it and truth be told he’s probably going to have to let the delinquents stay at his house anyway so it’s a catch 22. But at least he gets his own 24 carat gold toilet. He likes to say it’s an investment because there is no toilet whose value will appreciate. It’s the Ferrari’s of toilets. Anton finally gets the chance to taste American cigarettes and they’re not as good as Indonesian ones but he has a liking for Salem’s. He brings Ren a carton and they smoke it all in one day. Joe Pesci actually came to Ren in a dream one time and said he would never get Lung Cancer. Dennis Miller came to Anton in a dream one time and said that electric Hibachis will kill him someday. Ren and Anton are a bad influence on Emily who starts to smoke more than they do. It’s a good stress reliever and the first head rush of the day is the best.

 

Mrs. Williams comes back from a field trip she had with her students. Hayley is glad to see her mom after a long time and it’s a great moment. Well until Glorya starts to have flashbacks of her time at the Church residence and has an evil grin on her face. Nate starts drinking a lot again when he realizes the look means another American Pie movie. He steals Ren’s Southern Comfort and sobs in the corner. Meanwhile Glorya introduces herself to Mrs. Williams, who is feeling a strange vibe from her. Mr. Williams then shows up for the BBQ and the moment is broken. But the war has just begun. When Ping sees ‘Hayley’s Mom’ he freaks out in a completely different manner than Glorya, but feels the same way as her. A rivalry builds up between them. Ping starts to let Hayley’s cat Tux rip her shirts up. Glorya starts to duct tape Ping basically waxing him for free in all the wrong places.

 

So the day of the BBQ comes and many family and friends are invited. Ren is nowhere to be found, and can’t even be reached through his cell. He is missing the best BBQ ever, because Hunter is king. The competition begins. Jarrod will be on the BBQ eating side Drew will be on the drinking side. Whoever passes out first will lose their respective side. It will be stiff, since Jarrod could eat an elephant and Drew can drink better than Ren. Hunter grills Steaks that are well done but have the texture of a bloody rare steak. Kristina mixes a screwdriver which has no taste of vodka actually makes up 50 percent of it. Ren is really missing out. Hunter’s home made sausages would make an Italian butcher cry. Kristina tosses more bottles than a juggler in front of Henry the 8th and mixes the craziest flaming illusion. She lights it on fire and makes Drew drink it. It almost burns the eyebrows off him but he is too hammered to realize. Hunter’s burgers are insanely good. The buns are toasted just right and the meat is tasty as hell. The grilled cheese is amazing as well Jarrod adds but is almost going to throw up. At this point Scottish Hayley is inspired to make a donut burger, which have holes in the centre of the patties. Like a Beef Bagel. Ping’s drooling at this point is like a fire hydrant opened by punk ass kids. Kristina then fights back and mixes everything in her arsenal together to make the kamikaze of all Kamikazes. Just a whiff of it is enough to knock him out and Kristina wins. Looks like Hunter is going to have to share with Ping. At least there is a tropical climate. Hayley’s mom then takes over the grill since Hunter is exhausted. Ping who has dried himself off walks over to the BBQ stand, and faints when Hayley’s mom asks him “How would you like me to do your Hot Dog?” Josh and Zac have to take him inside. They give Ping sniffing salts and he jumps up like the energizer bunny. He doesn’t remember what happened but Glorya does perfectly. She is taking advantage of the situation and gets to have a conversation with Hayley’s mom first. Ping takes what’s left of Kristina’s kamikaze and that’s the end of his day. Nate is also out cold. Glorya keeps trying to hit on Hayley’s mom but Mr. Williams keeps interrupting. Apparently there is a problem with the garden sprinklers but Glorya doesn’t see the problem in getting wet. She is a dirty girl, but at the same time clean because sprinkler water is cleaner than Indonesian mineral water. Brent finds two trees and ties a hammock to it. It’s a decked out one and he enjoys his day out in the sun. Well he tries to because Kerrie keeps untying one end and he falls on his ass. Since she is sneaky though she gets away with it every time. After walking 10 miles to help his digestive system, Jarrod returns to find that all the meat has been eaten. Everyone is surprised with the amount he has eaten and wonders how he could fit more. Instead he benches his wife Suzie who will save his bodybuilding ass. Jackie tries to Ollie over the BBQ stand and doesn’t succeed. She bails and tips it over with all the hot coals still burning. It sets Emily’s dress on fire and she starts running around screaming. Suzie who is a quick thinker throws raspberry flavored Kool-aid over her and it is extinguished. It’s going to take a week to get the smell of it out of Emily’s hair. But Jarrod doesn’t complain. There is nothing better than smelling Kool-Aid after lifting he says. Kathleen and Zac jump happily on a trampoline someone got for them. Ping joins them but finds that ‘slack’ keeps smacking him everywhere and it hurts. Drew tries to jump but throws up in mid air. Actually the spew pattern of his puke made the numbers 37 for a moment. 37 Everywhere. Finally Kathleen and Zac hold on to each other and build up crazy amounts of momentum and actually make it into the neighbor’s pool 50 feet away. Aaron and Misty attempt the same thing but land into the neighbor’s tree house just 10 feet away. The only S&M thing about that was the impact. But they do find kids cooking utensils to be interesting though.

 

So just before the sun goes down and as everyone is starting clean up, they hear a roar from two miles away. It seems to be getting closer and closer and they realize its coming down their street. They hear tire squeals and see smoke appear in front of the house. They go to see what is happening. Ren comes out from the smoke and says I’m back. Everyone asks where he has gone. Apparently Ren flew all the way to California and got himself his dream car (with Brent’s Money of course). It’s a 1000 Horsepower Nissan Skyline GTR-34. He got it from Motorex and it was previously tuned by Top secret in Japan. Mr. Smoky Nagata is one crazy man. Over there he met a racer chick called Anna. She worked at the emissions centre and Ren convinced her to let the car pass in exchange for letting her join him on a road trip across America to see Paramore. She is a big fan. She appears from the smoke when it clears and is a girl of small build but sure has some insane driving skills. She even teaches Ren some things he never knew. Mr. Williams approaches the car to appreciate it. It was nothing like his Camaro, but American muscle is different. This is Japanese technology, which has much better tolerances in manufacturing than American technology. Ever seen the free play on the steering wheel on a Ford F150? The color of the car is a pearlescent purple which changes to a few different colors when viewed from certain angles. It’s a paintjob that confuses police because the car is purple one second but orange in another. This is the big surprise? If only Anton had spray-paint that did that back in the day. Not yet. There is a patch on the side over the doors which seem to be concealing something. Ren then tears them off and shows it to Paramore. It has Paramore painted on the side in a beautiful contrasting Red color. It stays still on the car while the other parts change and mold. This is the craziest thing someone has ever done for them and they are grateful to Ren for doing it. Hell everyone is just plain stoked by the dedication Ren has put into this. Ren explains that he will drive this car around with them and use it to promote the band. Now there will be an extra thing to look at when someone enters the Paramore tent or merch booth. Except this isn’t for sale. The car guzzles more gas than two tour buses together. It isn’t environmentally friendly but neither is Ping. Brent is actually happy that Ren spent some of his money this way, because he was running out of manly toys to buy. The ladies appreciate all things shiny on the car , while the men appreciate all things excessive on the car. Opening up the engine bay to reveal the car is like opening up a steam pipe in the winter. It’s bloody well hot. Ping is the one that suffers the most from it. There are turbochargers bigger than Jarrod’s head (and that’s after he’s finishing lifting and kissing his pecks). It is a clean engine bay which is somewhat show car worthy. No one knows how fast it goes yet, but they assume pretty fast if they made it from California in a day. Ren explains it’s so fast that even speed cameras can’t detect it. The highway patrol can but they have no chance at catching up to him.

 

“It Sure beats Flying” Ren says at this point. The tour bus has arrived to pick everyone up for next days departure and Anna is a newly welcomed member of the family. In return she will help Ren maintain ‘Godzilla’ on the road since she is mechanically inclined. Mechanix gloves are good. It’s safe to say that Ren will never need to ride slow in a tour bus anymore, and one lucky person from the group gets to ride with him at every leg. Who will it be? Tune in next time to find out.

 

On the next Paramore’s: The start of a tour that is Warped. Oh how proper we all are.

[Renith182]

Episode 7: The Warped Tour Part 1- Berkley College of Music, New York Gotti Style, Pissing in Philly and the White House.

 

 

Introducing some very special guests: Kim the new Merch girl/journalist, Suzie’s mom, Against Me, The Alkaline Trio, AFI, Gym Class Heroes, From First to Last, Mike Portnoy (Drummer for Dream Theater), Less than Jake.

 

Paramore and the guys are off to the start of the Warped Tour. First stop: Boston, Massachusetts. The tour bus is packed with equipment, pillows and people. Ted’s is reattached to the back so there will be no trouble hunting for food. Ren and Anna (First lucky person) ride in the skyline up north from Tennessee. They get there hours before the tour bus even reaches the state. Upon arrival there is a parking space for the tour bus and the car. People all around wonder what the noise and racket is. They then surround the Skyline in awe of the paintjob and the fact that Paramore is written on the side. They just hang out and talk to curious people and explain the concept of owning a ridiculously powerful car. It could lay down rubber all day long. Since catering is only for bands, and the food at warped is expensive and not tasty at all, they wait for the tour bus since Ted’s has the most Mexican Tacos around. The tour bus arrives to a starving Ren and Anna. Next time they better pack something before leaving because everyone on the tour bus looked at least 3 pounds heavier (even Ping who is sweating balls from the summer heat). When Drew and Ren are reunited they immediately start drinking like crazy. They try to find the guys from Against Me to bum some beers off. Paramore head to their booth and just set up their merch. They meet their new merch girl/ journalist Kim who is probably the nicest person on earth. She’s so nice you could probably steal a box of medium “More More More” shirts and she couldn’t stop you. But then again that’s what Jarrod and Ren are for. Jackie is dying in the heat, she can’t stop with the Kool-aid. Suzie is busy trying to keep the laptops in the tent from overheating by putting dry ice on them. She says it melts into the air. Glorya and Nate are busy looking around for other band shirts. Even through the shirts aren’t used it is still an emo persons dream come true. Kristina is itching to mix some drinks for other band people and looks for Drew and Ren who have disappeared into the haze of heat. She finds them in Alkaline Trio’s tour bus with Tom DeLonge. Apparently Tom has started touring with his new band Angels and Airwaves. He’s a cocky guy now but he gives the guys wine so it’s all good. Ren can’t stop talking about the song Sadie to Matt Skiba and the way that the bridge is sick. Matt just can’t stop drinking. So Jarrod is helping everyone set up like crazy and is at 10 places at one time. That lifting really helped his sorry ass out. Ping is heavily affected by the heat, and is getting burnt (which is hard for a brown guy). Aaron and Misty just spend their time in the tour bus since, they can’t stand the heat and since everyone else is out, they have some privacy for….

 

So the merch booth is mobbed by tons of people. Kim has experience and gets toughened up by Jarrod who tells her not to let anyone take anything from her. Alyssa takes footage in her head of it all, while Kim writes down sales and the experience of being with Paramore at the same time. Jackie hangs tight at the back, practicing skate tricks off the table Scottish Hayley is using to sell her unique donuts with Anton. They sell like hotcakes since she’s providing a quality product at a decent price. Kind of like Chocolate chip and macadamia nut cookies from Famous Amos. Anton teaches Jackie a few tricks she didn’t even know, but he only skates so. Emily is helping Scottish Hayley toast the donuts in the back as well and is hating being near an oven when she already is in one. Brent and Kerrie have a moment behind Paramore, watching them sign endless amounts of CD’s and posters with a guy even asking for his boxers to be sharpied. They are proud of how far Paramore have gone in the year, but at the same time grossed out by the fact that those guys’ boxers are never going to be washed again. Kathleen seems to be the one most grossed out with it, but whatever she’s going to have Kristina make her a screwdriver which is not nearly as strong as the one from the BBQ. Drew still feels the effects from it. No one can believe the heat even at 9 in the morning. Paramore will play at 11am on the main stage , and need to leave the crowd to set up. The tent becomes more intimate once everyone waits for their favorite band to perform. Jarrod is endlessly carrying things back and forth and setting up, but he wouldn’t be doing anything else in the world. Its not a day job, its his passion to lift heavy weights and see the ladies in the crowd looking at his massive muscles. Even Suzie gets jealous of the female attention he’s getting.

 

So Paramore get onstage and it’s insane. The crowd just starts jumping up and down with fists in the air. They sing every word and every syllable. Jarrod watches from the side and takes some nice photos, if Alyssa isn’t already doing so (using her head she can take 1600x1200 photos perfectly). Ren and Drew stand at the side of the stage drinking like crazy. Jarrod then goes into the crowd and tries to get a feel for the show. A crowd surfing kid kicks him in the head and since he’s jacked and pumped from the lifting of heavy objects, throws the kid back into the bleachers. Everyone in the crowd looks at him for a moment and goes back to rocking out. So after Paramore’s set they go back to the tour bus to see Aaron and Misty doing some crazy stuff they have never seen before. Hey at least they’re original. Meanwhile Jarrod is packing stuff up and getting ready to go when he brushes shoulders with Davey and Adam from AFI. He is star struck and puts his hand out to them but instead gets a hug back. He is even more stoked and doesn’t even realize the Mesa cabinet is on his foot while talking to them. He then detaches his foot from the underside of the cabinet and helps Adam set up the drums. Jarrod gets to practice some double bass but gets off because Adam needs a sound check. Davey was nice enough to let him rock at the side of the stage with them. Jarrod who knows Anton loves them as well calls him and asks him to come to the mainstage. With the same amazement he talks to AFI briefly and they rock out at the side of the stage. Anton even managed to crowd surf with his skateboard (Security guards love him) and unleashes a whole new state of balance. Jackie is impressed.

 

 

So after watching their favorite bands, Paramore and the guys just kick back again at the merch tent. Again they get mobbed but instead by the same fans that went into the crowd. A whole aroma of different smells comes by the tents, all overwhelmed by Scottish Hayley’s donuts, which lure some of them fans away from Paramore. They don’t mind though. All of a sudden Paramore and the guys decide to mob the energy drink tent, where Jarrod and Hunter are most enthusiastic. They drank everything there was in the tent and were forced to close. They then put a sign saying “Due to Paramore and those random wankers, we’re out for the day”. Hunter and Jarrod are lit up like LED lights but they need to be because everyone’s heading to a ball game in a bit.

 

So yeah, its Jarrod’s dream comes true since he is at Fenway Park, a Red Sox - Yankees game. Paramore enjoy watching baseball and even have Japanese baseball jerseys to match. They are reminded of the Lisbon high school game they had a while back. Brings back some good memories. Jarrod has more Yankees merch than the whole team put together. The game is crazy and Jarrod catches a homerun. The ball was going so fast it would’ve went right through Ren’s hard head if Jarrod had not caught it. The Yankees win and Jarrod goes crazy. He picks a fight with all the Red Sox fans, knowing that his heft will ultimately lead to him winning even against 10 football players. Ren who doesn’t really know much about Baseball, except that the bats are good for collecting money just sips a beer from his beerholder cap. After the stadium clears, the guards allows Paramore and the guys to get on the field. They have another somewhat friendly match. This is Jarrod’s lucky day and everyone knows it. Ren is happy for Jarrod, even when Jarrod keeps hitting the hardest balls to catch.

 

The band had the next day off but they decided to travel to New York City a day early to check out the city again. Jarrod wants to meet Suzie’s family so they all get together and meet up at her place. Suzie really doesn’t want anyone to visit her family, but they all go anyway. The house has a very nice garage. Ren talks to his car and when his Skyline says it is a nice garage chances are it really is. Suzie’s mom comes out and greets Jarrod before her own daughter. Apparently she loves Jarrod so much she even made his favorite meal for him. So while everyone else is touring the city for the second time, Jarrod and Suzie have an intimate dinner with the family. And enjoy the meal a lot. Sure beats Ted’s he says. It is time for Jarrod and Suzie to regroup with the rest of the Goodfellas in the NY warped gig. Suzie’s brother tries to wrestle Jarrod with no success. Suzie yells at her mother when she tries to kiss Jarrod goodbye. So again Paramore got bumped up to the main stage, and play an insanely awesome show. The funny thing is we never saw Hayley for the whole day, because she was psyching herself up for the show. The crowd was larger here one could suppose. After the show though, Hunter and Jarrod rush to the energy drink tent and wipe it out again, but this time they have a competition. The score was 129-78 to Jarrod. Hunter drank so much he threw up all over the table in the Paramore tent. Now that’s how a Rockstar does it. Meanwhile Jarrod who still has all of it in him, is so hyper he can’t keep still. He’s grinding his teeth together and continuously doing jumping jacks. He then shows his muscles off to a bunch of punk chicks, who seem to prefer skinny guys and shove him off. He then remembers he’s married to Suzie and he appreciates what he has even more. He gives Suzie a hug but since he can’t stand still he looks like a dog humping his owner’s leg. Jackie doesn’t want to leave, and wishes Warped would go to NJ but its time to go to the city of angels.

 

Upon arrival to Philadelphia, Jarrod meets up with Donovan Mcnabb, famous American quarterback. He is very excited mainly because he owns Mcnabb in all of his fantasy football leagues. Jarrod brings Donovan into warped, since he knows that Gym Class Heroes is his favorite band. Ren who is clueless about football just writes him off as another meathead, but actually is wrong when they share a beer together and talk about world issues. Ren joins Jarrod and Donovan in the Gym class heroes tour bus for a few dozen drinks. Donovan does a little rap while a little drunk, and it reminds Jarrod of 2pac’s ‘Changes’. This time Hayley was to be found everywhere since the first two shows have made her a weathered person. She’s much friendlier with everyone and wasn’t shy to rock out crazier onstage. Jarrod did stop the mic stand on her poor little feet and it hurt badly, but she forgives Jarrod since he’s just that cool. Jarrod grabs some ice from the energy drink tent and gets a bandana to wrap her feet up. Jarrod felt bad, but since they are siblings its all good. They’re only battlescars. Sonny Moore from From First To Last made a joke about blood blisters and this enraged a Drunken Ren and Jarrod and they beat the living s**t out of the poor emo boy. We drag him to Hayley to apologize for cracking the joke and she accepts with a frown on her face. Nate and Glorya continue on their shopping binge, finding an Aiden shirt they both like. Aaron and Misty find some energy drinks in the tour bus and get so hyper it they look like rats humping at 100mph (Ren would know because he has a car that does twice that). Speaking of cars, Ren and Anna are trying to convince the warped tour management to allow the Skyline into the venue, so they can showcase it at the Paramore tent which is already cramped. Ren has a new vision. He wants to bring the import scene into warped tour. Cars and music go hand in hand, as long as its not escalades and 50 cent, but fast cars and punk rock or anything that requires skill in playing an instrument. After hanging out for a bit with the fans, everyone just heads outside the tour bus and talks about the day. Hunter and Jarrod do a warped tour dance they made up. Jarrod convinced Hunter that dancing isn’t bad but Ren still hates it and refuses to shake his booty. Hayley is reminded of an N’Sync video ‘Its Gonna Be Me’. After everyone has drank their quota and packed their stuff up. It’s onto the capital of the land of the free.

 

So Paramore and the guys arrive in Washington, D.C. To be greeted by a bunch of sketchy people. Sketchy people aside everyone disperses at the warped venue while Paramore unload their equipment. Just before the drums came out, some jerk hijacked the bus while Zac and Jarrod chase after them on a scooter. Hayley, Hunter, Jeremy and Josh look at the bus going away in disbelief and with jaws dropped to the ground. They are scared beyond belief that their drummer wont be back in time. Meanwhile Ren and Drew are getting hammered and don’t even realize what’s going on. Aaron and Misty seem to be missing as well, which might make the thieves wonder why the bathroom is locked. Kerrie is actually quite impressed by the skill of the thieves. They are able to do more than she can but then again she is not a vehicular thief. Paramore are desperately trying to figure out a contingency plan, and ask other bands whether they can play drums for their set. They are without success for a while, But Through the Fire and the Flames Mike Portnoy shows up and says “Hell yes.. I love you guys I’ll be more than happy to do it, but we need to do Here we go again in 19/16 time signature.” Barely a last resort choice they accept and learn the concept of odd time signatures from the king. Ren bows down to Portnoy and gives him the longest hug. He tells Portnoy that his friend Jarrod is a good friend and he must stick around after the show. He most defiantly will. Out of the mist and smoke his million dollar kit shows up onstage with 3 bass drums and more toms and cymbals than you can count. More than the Siamese monster. So they play the set and mix it up like crazy Dream Theater and Liquid Tension Experiment style and discover a whole new edge to their sound. The time signatures Portnoy uses are insane. While Paramore are exhausted from counting so many numbers in such a short period of time, Less Than Jake are setting up. Just before they start playing, Jarrod and Zac come crashing through the amphitheater walls with the tour bus and apparently they have acquired 35 new horns that the hijackers shoved into the bus. Apparently they were not hijackers at all but people working at Clifford alarm systems. They picked out our bus to test out their new horns. They must be good because they made half the people in the venue temporarily deaf. Jarrod and Zac come out of the tour bus bloodied a slight bit and ask how Paramore played their show. Mike Portnoy shows up from behind them and taps them on the shoulder. It’s the third time jaws have dropped and Jarrod shakes his hand with a vengeance. Jarrod then grabs 500 dollars and pays Less Than Jake to let Paramore play again. They oblige and use the money for beer for the rest of the tour. Jarrod and Ren ask their sister whether she would be up to sing again. She’s cool with it. Zac then stands at the side of the stage with Ren and they share a beer. Zac will start drinking if it meant playing like Portnoy. Ren will start drinking more if the beer is free. Paramore plays their set one more time, this time more comfortable with Portnoy’s style and thank Less Than Jake who was just on their way back from buying half a liquor store. Mike Portnoy then vanishes with his drum kit to everyone’s amazement. They only find his sticks left on the ground. Jarrod quickly snatches them and gives a few to Zac. It is an honor to even be near Portnoy, and keeping his sticks are insane. Brent thinks there is a genie around because of all the vanishing. Alyssa captured it on VHBRAIN and has a real magic video on the way.

 

So they all return to the tour bus. Jarrod and Zac are crazy drivers/riders. Ping heads to the bathroom and opens the door. He finds Misty and Aaron in there passed out with bruises and oil everywhere. Apparently they were halfway through trying something new when some crazy person took the wheel. They are cool though. Pain for Pleasure they like to say. They all pass out after an insane last few days. Ren has to drive the Skyline, and doesn’t get any sleep but he’s cool with it. Driving is his passion. Everyone snores harder than an elephant getting rammed by a safari jeep. So to the next part of undiscovered America.

 

On the next Paramore’s: Season Finale: Let us be serious for once, shall we?

 

 

Season Finale: Episode 8: Warped Tour: The End Of Glory in San Antonio, Texas

 

Introducing some special guests again: NOFX, Strung Out, Thursday, Sam Totman and Herman Li from Dragonforce, Moneen, Every Time I Die, Saosin and John Gotti.

 

So Paramore and the guys continue the Warped tour. Much has gone by, and unchartered American territory of the 21st century has been discovered (As in driving by endless numbers of Pine trees and through mountains and forests). The heat only gets crazier down south. And a crazy heat it is as everyone is affected by it. Everyone is beat from the tour, but still go on. It’s the energy of the love for doing what you were born to do that keeps everyone going. Paramore keeps playing good shows. Ren keeps driving fast cars even faster. Anna keeps making him drive faster and faster. Anton keeps smoking with Ren like a chimney and skating like a maniac (PJ Ladd is his hero). Ping keeps his no clothes policy on. The couples just do what couples do. Jarrod keeps lifting while Nate and Glorya keep weeping. Aaron and Misty find themselves in ever growing pain, but that is the bond of their relationship that keeps everything in check. Kristina keeps mixing drinks for an ever more drunken Drew. Jarrod keeps lifting still and Suzie keeps typing. Alyssa keeps processing all the useless and not so useless information in her head. Jackie keeps taking risks that might kill her but she believes that you are never more alive than when you’re about to die. Scottish Hayley keeps promoting her business which is growing ever more popular by the day. Brent keeps spending his not so hard earned money and Kerrie keeps stealing. Emily keeps being the goth and more recently black metal girl she is. Kathleen and Zac have never been better. Hunter keeps drinking energy drinks religiously. Jeremy’s musicman bass is keeping in tune really well and he’s been sober since the last house party in Franklin (at the Farro’s). Josh just keeps writing and Hayley is falling ever more in love with what she is doing and the people she is doing it with. And Jarrod continues to lift. So what’s left in the ongoing story? The tale will be told.

 

Trip to San Antonio

 

So Hayley is riding with Ren in the Skyline now and they actually spend their time catching up on life in general. Ren tells her an old story where back in the day he used to be the biggest punk ass in elementary school and he learned to swear at an abnormally young age. It’s a nice cruise across the countryside in Texas, and since it’s the early hours of the morning a cool breeze goes through the car windows. Ren could not be happier with his life. Touring with an awesome band and awesome people in an awesome car. Hayley’s eyes seem to linger towards the instrument panel on the dashboard. There are so many different displays and gauges it feels like she’s in the space shuttle. But like the space shuttle there is a strong sense of freedom, just cruising the endless roads to the next stop. Looking up at the stars makes it an even greater experience for her because she can imagine she was up there with the stars. The sky is so clear Ren even points out to her that there is a satellite moving up in the sky. It just looks like a star but moving at a high speed. Just a sparkle in the sky. Shooting stars are amazing as well. Ren decides to take the drive a little slower this time (He was going super fast before because he needed to use the restroom: yesterday’s beef taco from Ted’s). he wants to stay with the bus because he’s been feeling a little distanced from them recently. Ren and Anna have been promoting the import scene at Warped tour with great success. Now if you like Rise Against and happen to have a really nice car at the same time you can bring both your loves with you. The Skyline has been a main attraction. The time he spent waiting for the car to be built was well worth it, because he is praised for not half assing anything at all. The booth has been twice as crowded since the Skyline was there, as people go there to get photos and things signed by Paramore, Scottish Hayley’s donuts and to get a picture with the Godzilla Paramore skyline. Ren likes to do retarded stuff with his car though. One time during the tour, he got a few cans of fully loaded warped energy drinks and shoved it into the 4 inch HKS muffler that’s on the skyline. He then started the car and revved it to the redline and the exhaust gases were so powerful they shot the cans 100 feet from the car followed by 5 feet of flames. It almost hit Fat Mike who was on the stage performing at the time. He was shocked that it came that hard at him, but missed and ripped a whole through one of the speakers in his amp. Gas prices have been increasing but it doesn’t matter because Brent is more than happy to pay for his gas money. The car uses up more gas in an hour than a lawyer makes in that time (That’s saying a lot). Meanwhile the bus is relatively quiet. All the guys are sleeping except for Jarrod and Anton. They seem to be rolling around in their bunks. Its not Ping or Brent’s constant snoring or Kerrie’s tendency to steal things that’s bothering them. They just can’t sleep because they have been having nightmares about Ren. Glorya and Nate hold each other like there is no tomorrow. One can guess that they are just going to miss the tour. Back in the Skyline Ren realizes that there is only one more hour till they reach the venue. Hayley is amazed by the GPS system in the car. He puts on Strung Out’s live album, Live in a Dive to conclude the trip. The album has tons of energy, and watching Strung out play during warped has been amazing for him. The band got him through many hard times. He has had fun getting to know them on tour as well. Ren tells Hayley that its been a dream driving across America, since he had been wanting to do it at an early age. He has met some awesome people on the way and great times have been even better spending it with people you confide in. The sun rises half an hour from the venue, and it’s a beautiful sunrise. One a photographer would take a photo of and put into a calendar. The horizon becomes more defined and so does the landscape as we reach the outer parts of San Antonio. There just aren’t enough moments like this, but if there were we wouldn’t appreciate it nearly as much.

 

Morning in San Antonio

 

So the day starts off as usual. Paramore have to unload their stuff and get ready for the show. Jarrod helps Kim bring everything to the tent to sell their merch for one last time on the tour. Ren starts his drinking session with Drew early. Suzie and Kristina hang out and share an energy drink together. The sleeping situation on the tour bus has affected them the most and they’ve been drinking it religiously just like Jarrod and Hunter. The warped today is a little different than any other. Since it is the last day there will be a massive BBQ at the end of the night where the bands will have one last night in the summer to hang out together. So there is a special breakfast at catering, where everyone gets served breakfast by Fat Mike. Everyone wonders whether there is spit in the food or if he added beer to the mix. Ren and Fat Mike have become good friends over the course of the tour, where they just talk about politics and the government (except Ren talks more about his own country’s government more than the US one). Aiden happened to be in line behind Nate, Glorya and Emily and they profess their love for him. Especially Nate who has wanted to ask wiL Francis about his crazy style. He can’t wait to watch one of their shows, since he has been preoccupied with other bands. Rise Against are in line with Jarrod. They talk about the new album, and Ren’s drinking problem which is actually becoming more of a problem everyday. Jackie then sees them in line and cant stop saying how Tim Mcilrath is her punk rawk hero. Everyone seems to be avoiding Ping recently. He has made some good friends but even UnderOath don’t want to be near him since he hasn’t taken one shower since the start of the tour. Even Tim McTague says Ping smells. They wouldn’t touch him with a 50 foot pole. Ping’s voice has been deteriorating since he’s had to shout at every conversation he’s had. Kerrie takes advantage of the queue and steals the last few bits of things from other bands, roadies and groupies alike. Paramore wonder why they still can’t cut the queue, since they have been playing mainstage along the big bands and have gained much respect amongst comrades and fans alike. There is a loud noise outside though and everyone finds themselves wondering what it is, even losing their line in the queue. Apparently Ren was drinking on an empty stomach and took more than he could handle. Him and Drew decided to go on a joyride in Paramore’s tour bus and crashed it into Thursday’s tour bus while they were still inside getting ready. It’s a complete mess and everyone is shocked especially Geoff Rickly who was making himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the time. All of it went over his face. The employees in Ted’s decided to quit after that, because of all the crazy health hazards that exist when Ren is around. Drew is also at fault because he kept calling Ren a pussy so he decided to show off. That was the result. Paramore are angry at them, and decide to let Jarrod take care of the mess. Paramore also think that they have serious drinking problems and they should get those addressed as well.

 

Jarrod has a bright idea. He decides to be Ren and Drew’s sponsors and brings them to AA. They are still piss drunk going to AA but sober up upon arrival. Ren is amazed upon arrival because he meets Sam Totman from Dragonforce there (Ozzfest was around in the same town as well). Apparently Dragonforce have had enough of him as well and sent him there when he tried to sleep with a 13 year old girl after drinking way too many coronas. The guys tell Sam how much of a great guitarist he is, but he finally admits that Herman Li is better than him. Ren cannot play a Jackson Rhoads like Sam can and still kisses his rings. They all sit in a circle hand in hand, and say hi to the group. Sam seems to have the hardest time and starts crying on the spot. He sees Herman through the window in the door giving him an evil eye. So he decides to show some enthusiasm towards getting sober. Ren and Drew on the other hand seem to have fun by making fun of the other people there. They are all awesome people though, since they make fun of them back. Everyone understands its hard to be there for the first time, and are uberly supportive. It will defiantly take more sessions before Sam, Ren and Drew will take it seriously.

 

Upon returning to the venue, they managed to catch Paramore’s last late morning gig. Apparently the signing went well, and they managed to sell all their merch before they eve got onstage to set up. It was an amazing show, where Paramore put their all into it. They also got an extra 10 minutes to play onstage and did a few songs no one expected them to. Almost everyone in the crowd used their energy up for them, knowing that it will be a while until they see them again. The last show at warped was like any other, except 10 times better. Alyssa’s head almost exploded just like back in China with blink 182. Boy does Ren miss those days.

 

 

Afternoon in San Antonio

 

So after the gig, everyone heads to catering again to get a special meal. This time Scottish Hayley was behind cooking up her donuts. Instead of selling it like at a bake sale by the merch, she decided to let everyone have a free trial of her food. This is the ultimate way in getting her flavor across. It is also good advertisement because bands wouldn’t mind being sponsored by a good donut company. The Rye bread donuts run out the quickest. This reminds Ren of Jamie Oliver’s school dinners. He’s a rich man and Scottish Hayley will be just like her. Anton and Ren decide to keep it semi straight edge in the afternoon, and just smoke cigarettes like chimneys. Drew is shivering from not having had a drink in 2 hours like a drug addict that just had his needles and Heroin taken away from him. The best drink at Warped is the Energy Drink, since the heat drains everyone like crazy. Kim is writing the best story ever written in journalism history. It is a milestone in everyone’s life. No one could be happier with where they are in life. Faint sounds of Moneen’s song ‘The Frightening Reality Of The Fact That We Will All Have To Grow Up And Settle Down Some Day” are heard in the background to everyone’s delight. Kenny Bridges is a super nice guy, and seems to like hugging instead of handshakes, which is more hygienic but at the same time personal. It is a special but regular afternoon, as Hunter and Jarrod have another energy drink drinking competition. This time Hunter wins, because halfway Jarrod shakes and shivers so hard that the energy drink ends up on the ground. Glorya and Nate continue to shop more and even Brent is sick of giving them money. They reckon its all worth it though and Brent has to oblige since we let him back in the family. Well its not like everyone would mack on him if he didn’t s**t money out like the federal reserve. Ren brings everyone to see Strung Out one last time on Warped. Their set is amazing, because they are amazing musicians. Ren almost passes out when he moshes to Too Close to see but gets back into the game of appreciating the music when they close with Matchbook. It’s a magical moment to him, and flashbacks of the Blink concert come back though the magnitude of the moment isn’t there for him for some reason. Alyssa rearranges everything in her head because the heat keeps messing all her folders up in there. As the summer ends though the Afternoon is short, and the night begins quickly.

 

Nighttime in San Antonio

 

So the BBQ begins where all the bands are happy and relieved the tour is over. The one and only Hunter Lamb is at the head of the BBQ and fills the poor bands bellies like a bum filling his sack at an all you can eat buffet. He’s amazing at getting everyone’s steaks, burgers and hot dogs done just right. Ren and Anna are nowhere to be found though, but nobody seems to care since they are having fun just relaxing with other bands. Every Time I Die seem to like dressing up like they are at the beach, and when the steak falls from Keith Buckley’s Styrofoam plate onto his groin he feels the pressure. Saosin have their own little thing going on into the corner, where Justin is practicing his Whirley gigs for their next tour. All of a sudden there is another ruckus. Ren and Anna are in the Skyline and Ren is pushing it to the limit, while Anna is taking readings off the gauges and electronics while filming at the same time. This was the big surprise for the night. There is a small asphalt area to the side of the BBQ area and Ren decides to create some smoke himself. He is in his most comfortable environment just like Jarrod on the diamond, except Jarrod soils his pants when he is in Ren’s comfort zone. Ren does crazy tricks with the Skyline showing them off to the crowd whose steaks are getting cold. After dozens of donuts within the cars wheelbase, power slides and close encounters with the crowd (The wing almost hit Hunter and his chef hat in the head), Ren pops a tire and calls it a day. $400 tires destroyed in a matter of minutes. The crowd cheers on. They were most amazed by the drift tricks he did with no hands on the steering wheel but outside waving and the one foot on the accelerator and one foot holding the door open while lighting up a cigarette. The Skyline is a beast. There is no stopping it. You couldn’t destroy it with a grenade if you tried. Ren is sweating balls after the showcase but amazed himself by his driving skills. The best part is Anna got everything on tape inside the car, while Alyssa filmed it from the crowd. Its D1 baby.

 

So after the BBQ there is a massive scramble to pack everything up. Paramore get their gear and shove it into the tour bus and Ren is packing stuff into the Skyline and changing the oil for the drive home. Everyone says their last goodbyes until…

 

Ren goes into shock. He sees John Gotti. Ren had put him away when he was 14 for manslaughter charges and is in shock to see that he is out. He is there with his brother Peter. He wonders how he could’ve been tracked down because he was put into the Witness Protection program. Apparently Gotti had paid some dirty FBI agents off to locate him. At the same time though they got paid in full so they had no reason to keep up to their side of the agreement and use Ren as a lure to throw him back into prison or into the grave. Everyone looks at the wall that has formed between him and Gotti. It is thicker than ice. Ren tries to run but is in shock as they approach him. Everyone including Ren has a bad feeling, and the dreams Jarrod and Anton had were premonitions. Gotti reintroduces himself calling Ren a rat at the same time. Peter grabs a baseball ball from his jacket and smacks Ren at the back of both knees. They are here to torture him for the years John spent inside. Ren is on his knees in complete shock now, as the pain overwhelms him he knows for certain that he cannot run from this.

 

Gotti explains the years he spent inside were hell, and that he will take his revenge tonight. He pulls out a Glock 9mm pistol and shoots Ren behind both his knees. He could feel his Kneecaps pop out into the bloody ground in front of him. At this point Ren knew that he would never be able to walk again even if he got out of it. He knew that he would never be able to bend down and kiss his mom on the cheek or shake hands his with his distanced father at the same level ever again. He knew that when the time came for him to carry his son he would need to do so in a wheel chair and that he would never play ball with him or play hide and seek. He would never be able to stand next to his daughter on her wedding day or stick up for her if she ever got into trouble. He knew that his wife would be burdened with him and things would never be alright. In complete pain and agony, everyone could do nothing but watch. Anton and Jarrod called the police and security to come, but even they are hesitant to do anything and just surround the area. Peter made a run for it when he noticed the cops were coming but was arrested before he could get away. It’s Gotti and Ren now.

 

Gotti: You Put me away you f**king Rat, My wife died while I was inside. They didn’t even let me go to her funeral. My kids were left without a father and a mother. You’re gonna suffer for this. You really are. I trusted you.

 

He then shot Ren in the liver. The police held back from firing because they knew there was still a chance he could be saved. The blood that drained from the wound was darker than crimson, darker than the night that had spawned this situation. The blood drained down to his knees and reconnected with his body at one point, but just drained away onto the asphalt into the nearest patch of bloodied grass. Two more shots fired into the shoulders. Now Ren could’ve even lift his arm to wave goodbye. Gotti was disabling him, just like he disabled Gotti by putting him in that 6 by 4 cell for so many years. Ren knew at this point he was useless. Even if he did survive it would scar him for life.

 

No one could bear the sight of a man in such pain. But soon enough Ren has his last straw. Gotti who is in tears in killing a person he had put so much trust in, put the gun up against Ren’s head. It was defiantly an execution. It was so tight against his head he could feel the sweat collecting inside the end of the barrel, with an imprint burning on his forehead from the heat of the previous rounds. At this point the barrel and his forehead had become good friends. It was almost inevitable that they would both have to meet with the acidity of the sweat eating into the barrel slowly like a slow chemical with the heat and pressure acting as the catalyst. The police have surrounded the area, and are telling Gotti to put his weapon down, without much of a response. Both Gotti and Ren feel they have nowhere out. Gotti would die before he would go back to prison. Ren would die before seeing any of his family get hurt. Thoughts ran through Ren’s mind. He thought of his parents, who he always loved but was never the best son to. He thought about his friends looking at him and all the great times he has had that wouldn’t trade for the world. Looking across at the faces of his friends and family, He thought of Hayley, his newly discovered sister who he wished he had gotten to know better before leaving. Jarrod a man he had the most retarded times with, but also a brother that he confided in. Anton his best friend a man that he could talk to anything about, a man who he could laugh and cry with through the greatest and hardest times. He saw the tears falling from the ladies eyes. Alyssa his favorite person for recollecting great moments came around in his mind, but the look in her eyes looked like she wasn’t recording this. It was too cruel to Ren and herself. His alcohol clouded memories with Drew come clear now, as somehow his mind felt like it had been sobered up forever along with memories of Kristina and Suzie. Just memories of laughter and good times. Ren thought for a moment that Kerrie would steal Gotti’s gun from him, but does not want to take the risk with itchy trigger fingers everywhere. Ren understands. He wants his family to be safe. This is his problem that has come back to bite him in the ass. He would not call it upon anybody even his family to help if they could get hurt.

 

The white light becomes stronger as the memories and thoughts race through his mind, all the way from his first thoughts to growing up. Memories of his parents. When times weren’t so complicated with them. When he could say ‘I love you’ to his mom and dad. The greatest moments of a near death experience came to him. It was like he had already died. He couldn’t feel a thing anymore. It was a feeling that he didn’t want to let go. A feeling he wanted to feel forever, but it had to end. Nothing gold could ever stay. It’s a feeling that you get when you know it is all going to end.

 

He thought about his new family and just prayed that after he left this world they would be safe. They will be well taken care of. The last thoughts that run through a persons head before dying make them feel more alive than dead. The trigger is pulled and it all ends. It is nothing but black after that. Ren had never had more peace in his life. His eyes were wired shut in a state forever suspended in time. He was dreaming in a new life and light. A dream that will last forever.

 

Ren

 

This season like the last, is dedicated to Paramore and everyone at Paramorefans. Jarrod and i couldn't have done it without you. Take Care, Thanks alot and hope you enjoy this season.

Oh and comment on what u think about it will ya? we would love to hear feedback.

[HarlequinGerhl]

^ HOORAY!

Finally

Haha loooooooooooooong posts

=]]]]]

[xLaiamore]

Haha im gonna kill Nate with my bowl of rice.

AHAHAH. I love this guys!

Season 3!

[Fire At Will]

yay!

I was waiting for this lol

Now I have to read it...

[XParamoreFanX]

ahhh thats great

[KimberTimbers]

yay! I cant wait for the next season already. This was pretty sweeeeeet.

[Emergency32]

Cool!!! I wont be able to read it till the weekend but i know it's gonna be great!!! You guys rock for doing this!

[little_caro]

^^^haha me too.

Im so baddd in english.

[glorya]

Oh my gosh that took forever to read, but it was so well written. Nice job, guys.

[suzanne]

yeah it took me forever too but yeah good stuff. i cant wait to see what they have to say about it!

[paramoreLOVE x]

I have finished the first post.

i skimmed through the others to see where im in it

but im gunna go back and read the whole thing.

i just have to read it in parts becuase my eyes start to hurt.

[jchurch004]

so yea u guys prolly wanna know what they thought eh?? haha, well i couldnt get the video of the shit cuz well, damn ill explain that in the live shows thread, but i talked to hunter and hayley both for like 20 minutes and they were so amazed by this.. i made damn sure that they would get in touch with one of us and let us know what they thought of it when they read it all.. and by the way they loved the paramore fans cast list with everyones message thingies.. it was so cool.. they were really impressed by it.. also on a side note, lai.. she was pumped u wrote her lyrics.. i gave them to her shortly after i showed her the book.. in the end i gave it to hunter who took it on the bus.. and then i talked with them all again after the show and wished them a safe ride home and to enjoy there time back there and what not.. also i told hayley to put in a special request to play maine next US tour and she said they definitely would for sure haha.. which made me happy.. they were so impressed that i travel around the country to see them haha.. san antonio and now back up north haha.. it was a nice 4 hour drive.. needless to say i left at 12 so i just got back haha.. great stuff.. but yea.. live show thread.. pics videos, and story in ohhhh lets say 3 hours haha.. yea for sure.. peace yall

[xLaiamore]

^JARROD THAT'S AWESOME!

OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

You just made my day, week, month brighter. hehe

You're cool. Season 3, CANT WAIT!

[XParamoreFanX]

aww jarrod thats awesome :]

[Fire At Will]

lmao I finally read through it all.

I must say it was rather amusing,great jobs guys =)

[kerrie]

omg this is long...id have to be really bored to read it..but I will adventually

[jchurch004]

^ way to spell eventually kerrie.. nice job..

[kristina]

that was amazingggggggggggggggg like i got chills at the end bc im weird but like seriously that was awesome great job. *claps* =] i loved it!!!

[jchurch004]

^ yea for real, i still get em and ive known how its ended for like ever haha

[Emergency32]

I might be able to read all of it tonight, but if not then tomorrow but i can't wait to read it i know it's gonna rock like last season!! You guys rock for writing all of this!!

[Pinkpanther6102]

ahh thats amazing

 

 

i didnt get to read all of them...but I imagine they're all great

[XxSanctuaryxX]

that was so LONG but so GREAT! haha great job

[SmithRawks]

Lmfao.

 

I knew about the S&M part...but damn LOL

 

Great job, i havent read it all yet...im trying to get pieces in before work and school. <3