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an unopened letter to the world.


laura.RIOT!
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Dear __________,

Please forgive my inability to express my feelings as freely as you can. You always tell me that you understand and that it's okay, but I just can't seem to feel any better about it. You always tell me what you feel and think of me, knowing that even though I feel the same ways, I can't relay them back to you. You have yet to let that hold you back from telling me the things I've been wanting to hear for years--that I'm cared about, that I'm actually valued in someone's life. You'll never quite know how much that means to me.

I told you from the start that I've difficulty in relaying some of my feelings to people. You know that I'm afraid to. I told you everything that happened that made me afraid and you understood. You're being patient with me, but I fear that your patience will wear thin. You're only human and I understand that you need to hear the same things I need to hear--the very things you've been telling me. A few times I was able to tell you that I do care about you, that you're a kind soul and that I appreciate you so. I mean those things, I really do.

You told me that you meant every word you said about me and I really want to believe that. You don't know how much I want to believe that you care about me and that I'm of some value you in your life. But I can't. Not yet. Maybe some day, although I'm sure by the time I believe you and let myself be as happy as I know I am you'll have moved on. You'll have lost patience. I won't blame you when that day comes. I've no one to blame but myself and the fears I've somehow allowed to grow inside of me, drowning my ability to tell people exactly how much I care for them.

You've been telling me that you care for me, that you'd do anything for me, and I need that. Especially at a time right now when it seems no one else gives a damn. I hope you know that I care about you too. I can tell you until I'm blue in the face, but the truth will always remain that there will always be something I'm too afraid to say, for I'm afraid you'll turn on me like the others. Thank you for sticking with me thus far.

 

--Me.

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Dear Rob,

You totally caught me off gaurd. I still don't understand what you were 'looking' for, but you did made me feel uncomfortable. Just drop it the next time, please?

- Demi

 

Dear Stepmom,

I just can't believe you said that. You hadn't hung out with your best friend, because she was pretty badly depressed? She needed you, she still does.

I hope you'll realise.

- That kid who was part of the package deal.

 

Dear Mom,

I really honestly am trying to make this better, but I can't.

Just give me all the space I need, and I won't cause any pain.

-Demi

 

Dear Granny,

I loved staying with you for 2 days. Thank you :)

- Demi

 

Dear other grandmom,

I can't believe you just kept going after I told you I didn't like it.

:roll:

I hope you won't call, because I will go crazy.

- Demi

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Dear person,

Please just disappear. Not neccessarily in an awful way, I just can't deal with you anymore. I know that if I say anything, I'll just hurt you again. So PLEASE I beg of you to just grow sick of me of your own accord.

 

Shannon.

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