kwik-silva Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML Saw all of those, thats possibly my favourite one ever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limelight Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 lol love this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia Posted March 16, 2009 Report Share Posted March 16, 2009 This site made my life xD Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Venin Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 Anybody ever read the opposite of this site, givesmehope.com? I love it, it does give me hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watchthesky Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 hahaha, i've had this site bookmarked for a while now Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML definite fave's second one still makes me laugh like you have no idea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xmurderxlovex Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML Nooooo! That was the worst visual ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travel_hymn Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 ^ Amen. -____- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 DISGUSTING MAN xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UrLittleDecoy Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 awww i almost forgot about this site Today, I found out the plant I've been watering for two years is fake. FML ahahahah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walktheline Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 ^omg i just lmao! Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML Haha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UrLittleDecoy Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML :'DDD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walktheline Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML omg, LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UrLittleDecoy Posted August 8, 2009 Report Share Posted August 8, 2009 Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML oh god lol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walktheline Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Today, the car I was in got pulled over by the police for making an illegal turn. I was in a cab. And he kept the meter running. FML that cracked me up xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guro Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML Haha, that's just mean. xP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyNoMore Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 haha this is fucked xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catie Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML ahahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Komomaan Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 MLIA > FML Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anavi Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML total win for a guy:rotfl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ignorance Posted August 9, 2009 Report Share Posted August 9, 2009 Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML thats one stupid kid. I'd just give him oj and milk... induces vomiting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleDecoy Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML this is horrible!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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