Ashhh Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 I just want to apologize to Diego publicly and to tell you guys that I'm not the nice person you think I am. I'm fucking disgusting and I've said horrible things about Diego behind his back. I don't know how I justified them in my head but when I said them (mostly to Brent and Colin) somehow it wasn't a big deal to me. And Diego did little things that were easy to make fun of but he didn't deserve any of that. I'm trying to figure out how I can say that I'm a good caring person and act completely different... and on top of that, Diego still respected me. Even through everything, he never once called me out or hated me or anything. I promise you that with my real friends I'm not like this, I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and be as honest as possible. I'm so confused and shocked by my words and I just don't know what to say. I can't figure out why I said those things and I'm really just disgusted by myself. And all of that is just because I got caught... because until just now I didn't feel horrible about all of this. I really honestly didn't. I became something I hate. I just can't figure out how that happened... it's not who I am. This has been such a crazy week on these boards and idk... I just don't want you guys to think that I'm innocent in all of this because I'm a terrible person and I've fucked up really badly. We're all human and if you want to not forgive anyone on here I'd just like to ask you if you've ever said anything behind someone's back or done anything you regret? If you want to hate me and jump on me for mistakes I've made you can but please realize that none of us are perfect. And I'm not going to be on the boards for a while (I think I already said that yesterday) cause I'm really sick and I'm gonna go home to my parents house tomorrow morning and see a doctor and stuff. But I'll probably be reading this stuff and checking in... anyway I'll definitely be back by Saturday... so I can respond then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradsonemanband Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 jesus... this is intense stuff. guess what. i'm not leaving the boards. perhaps i will even become a known name around the PF community. i will bring happiness and wisdom and french fries throughout the board. i am your savior. probably. but for real, i am going to try to post more here. xoxo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerrie Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 I like it how jarrod says a chapter long post then everyone has the guts to pour out all the wrong. I dunno what kind of stuff you said but I wouldnt picture you saying bad stuff either. If its the hayley we all know and love then Im not sure what she would do if she saw this post? but whatever I wont go there, I never noticed her on the boards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashhh Posted May 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 jesus... this is intense stuff. guess what. i'm not leaving the boards. perhaps i will even become a known name around the PF community. i will bring happiness and wisdom and french fries throughout the board. i am your savior. probably. but for real, i am going to try to post more here. xoxo You're probably not my savior haha... but yeah thanks for the x's and o's. See ya around this crazy message board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchurch004 Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 interesting... read some shizz. i prefer not to get involved here i guess. i've pretty much said all i can say in the other three threads so with that, second chances are being handed out in surplus this week!!! lol. get em while theyre hot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradsonemanband Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 You're probably not my savior haha... but yeah thanks for the x's and o's. See ya around this crazy message board. by "your savior" i mean everyone on this board. haha. but really though, i will bring joy to all. like mr. kringle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princeendo Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 All right...I'll say it here. First off, what I've done, I've done in poor taste. I went behind your back telling Diego the things I did. I didn't have the courage to face you directly and tell you the things I wanted to. My reasoning: 1. There was already a ton of truth being upheaved 2. I was noticing that you didn't seem to be coming clean to everyone about what you'd done, too 3. I felt like Diego deserved to know when someone he really trusted was not being loyal to him. Have I been perfect? That answer is pretty obvious right now. I didn't post in the other thread because that's not my deal. You've called me out here, so I will respond to anyone who has questions. ha. My sig quote would be ashamed of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashhh Posted May 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 All right...I'll say it here.First off, what I've done, I've done in poor taste. I went behind your back telling Diego the things I did. I didn't have the courage to face you directly and tell you the things I wanted to. My reasoning: 1. There was already a ton of truth being upheaved 2. I was noticing that you didn't seem to be coming clean to everyone about what you'd done, too 3. I felt like Diego deserved to know when someone he really trusted was not being loyal to him. Have I been perfect? That answer is pretty obvious right now. I didn't post in the other thread because that's not my deal. You've called me out here, so I will respond to anyone who has questions. ha. My sig quote would be ashamed of me. I think you did some really shady things like egging Brent and I on to shit talk him and it wasn't the first time you went there but that's no excuse at all. I can't say if what you did was right but I'm glad you did it because I think I justified things in my mind that were really wrong and I still can't figure out why. So had you not pointed them out to Diego and had I never had a conversation with him, I wouldn't have said anything... and I think that's really the most depressing thing to me. Idk what's wrong with me or why I said those things or why I trusted you so much after meeting you just once to tell you that crap or why it took hurting Diego so much for me to realize how terrible it was... I'm just really confused. My myspace headline would be so ashamed of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princeendo Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 The shady things I did, I admit completely. Let's admit it--it's fun to talk bad about people. The whole conversation we had was mostly for understanding. I didn't really mean for everything to turn into a bash session. However, it's not like I stopped it once it did. You and I both know that I admitted to him my wrongdoings, too. I gave him a long, long speech about that, which I believe you've seen. As for trust--I don't know why you would think I wasn't trustworthy. I made mistakes, felt the need to come clean about them, and felt the need to inform someone of the wrongs against him. What we did was wrong, and in my poisoned mind I convinced myself otherwise. I knew that in doing this, I was going to lose your trust. I have no intention of keeping it. While I may or may not be able to earn it at a later date, I still stand behind what I have done. It is the circumstance of now. I don't know what much else I can really say right now, but given my ability to talk ad nauseum, I'm sure I'll have more to add later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebrowncoat Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 I don't think this makes you a terrible or disgusting person...I think good, caring people do bad things - all the time. And they justify them to themselves...or block them out of their mind....or don't even really realize the extent of what they've done...and then something happens to make them realize what they've done....and the question then is - what do they do? A truly bad person doesn't care. They don't apologize. They don't feel remorse or regret. They just say screw it and move on. The good person apologizes and realizes that what they did was wrong...and other good people forgive them. And they make every effort to change - to become a better person; to not do the same thing again; to be the person they want to be. I know I pray...a lot...that God will help me find a way to be stronger, to be less petty, to be less cruel and mean in my worst moments. None of us are perfect - I think that's what the past few days have taught us. You and Glo and I have all treated Diego and others incredibly poorly. There's absolutely no excuse for what we said or did...but at the same time, the more I think about it, the more I kind of realize that it takes something like Jarrod's post to trigger this - sometimes it takes someone smacking you right in the face and saying "look at what you've done" before you have that "oh shit" moment where you can't rationalize your behavior anymore...and you start to see the harm you've caused. I'm going on and on...but you're not a terrible person, any more than me or Glo or anyone else. I guess maybe there are some people here who might think we are and I can't say I blame them...but I think we're good people who did some really awful things. I think back to those 1200+ comments to Paramore's LJ post, where so many people posted what they were ashamed of...some of the things posted were I guess what you would call pretty bad things - and they included the kind of stuff we did on here and worse...but I didn't look at those people as bad people. In fact, I felt like they were really good people - having the strength to post what they did and asking in so many cases for forgiveness - in that case, it was Paramore's LJ entry that gave everyone that moment where they realized some of what they'd done wrong or felt bad about - it's almost like it breaks through that barrier you put up in your brain to hide your own bad or darker side from yourself. So, I guess...I don't think your actions in this situation define who you are. Yeah, they're a part of it - they're your bad side - but what defines who you are in my mind is the fact that you came forward and apologized to Diego...and it's the person you are the other 99.9% of the time - the person I feel like I know pretty damn well - who's a wonderful, caring, loving person who's helped me so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest haunted_dreams55 Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 I know nothing was directed towards me but I just wanted to let you guys know that I still respect everyone of you. People make mistakes and do stuff they are ashamed of. I've to talked about people behind their backs before (not about people on here) when I was at school. I just wanted to let you guys knkow how I felt about everything. I hope we can get past this in time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bradsonemanband Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 i wish i was patient enough to write out a huge reply like you guys. sheesh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glorya Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 None of us are perfect - I think that's what the past few days have taught us. You and Glo and I have all treated Diego and others incredibly poorly. There's absolutely no excuse for what we said or did...but at the same time, the more I think about it, the more I kind of realize that it takes something like Jarrod's post to trigger this - sometimes it takes someone smacking you right in the face and saying "look at what you've done" before you have that "oh shit" moment where you can't rationalize your behavior anymore...and you start to see the harm you've caused. I could not have said it better myself. I definitely needed that, regardless of how confused/angry I was in the beginning. _______ And Ash, I don't know much about this, but it's only made me respect you more. Feel better. ______ As for the anonymous poster, regardless of who it is, since we can't be 100% sure anyway, I can see why you might have wanted to post under that name. That's not what bothers me. The thing I don't get is this: Yes, there are several of you who do not accept our apologies and those of you who are still going to question our sincerity. It's completely understandable, as what we did was wrong and the way it took us this long to express our own feelings of shame was wrong, but I don't think it's okay to tell people what they should think. EVERYONE is entitled to their OWN opinions. It shouldn't matter if they line up with yours or not. You are always more than welcome to share your thoughts and feelings, but don't impose it on others. I think everyone on here is level headed enough to think for themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XMusicDudetteX Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 It is very good to see a person own up to their mistakes. We all have to do it at some point in life. And you are correct, we are all human and we have all done things like this at least once. The hardest parts are admitting it to ourselves and to other people, AND admitting we are wrong. Forgiveness is always there and deserved if the apologies are sincere. And you are able to change if you truly want to. By the by, I hope you get well soon. Being sick is definatly not fun =/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WayneFarro Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 god, there's something new happening everytime i log in at the moment. well thanks for coming clean, i hope this is the end of this now. i also want to say i never even considered leaving these boards cos there is a lot of cool people on here and i love these boards, and once again i want to say that i wanna help bring peace to these boards. finally, i do forgive all the mods, the bible does teach forgiveness after all :] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jchurch004 Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 i like brent's post. the road to recovery is oh so sweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WayneFarro Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 so is all this finally over now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sophie Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 at least you guys have got the guts to say sorry and admit what you did. i don't really have much to say, this whole thing is just confussing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mia of the [Dead] Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 You guys aren't bad people. You're good people who made a mistake, we all do it. Everyone has talked about someone behind their backs at least ONCE in their life. I think the fact that you've publically apologized shows how much you wanna make things better. I hope that we can all just move on and be done with this.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clowdiaa Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 we're on the road to recovery. we've realized what wrong, we've apologised for what went wrong, and now we're accepting what went wrong, and soon we will move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goodnote Posted May 16, 2007 Report Share Posted May 16, 2007 we're on the road to recovery. we've realized what wrong, we've apologised for what went wrong, and now we're accepting what went wrong, and soon we will move on. agreed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LikeDays Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 Soooo poeple were treated "poorly" and basically talked shit about, yet they're still leaving//getting kicked off??... Laaameeeee... I mean it's good that everyone's admitting to it and all, but it all just seems too little, too late... Not to offend anyone, that's just my opinion.... And if things are on the road to recovery (which is good, dont' get me wrong), then why are people still being left of the boards... This is all just too bad... I hate drama, and I hope this all blows over soon... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Itsgettingcloser Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 i wish i was patient enough to write out a huge reply like you guys. sheesh! Yeh im mostly lost with whats going on because I dont feel like reading these huge drama posts, I come here because of the band and the music and no other reason, I dont know what the hell everyone else is doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whatsername104 Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 Soooo poeple were treated "poorly" and basically talked shit about, yet they're still leaving//getting kicked off??... Laaameeeee... I mean it's good that everyone's admitting to it and all, but it all just seems too little, too late... Not to offend anyone, that's just my opinion.... And if things are on the road to recovery (which is good, dont' get me wrong), then why are people still being left of the boards... This is all just too bad... I hate drama, and I hope this all blows over soon... nobody was actually left off the boards. diego was just kicked form his position on the staff, and alyssa said she wanted to leave her position. the rest of us just felt like leaving. no one was kicked off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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