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The Song/Poem/Writing Thread


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I had to write an article about Internet, for the schoolpaper. I finished it last night. Thought id post it up here. Its pretty long..so just scroll ahead if you dont wanna read it ;-)

 

Internet

Funny how I get so caught up in internet..online friends..message boards.

Funny how I let people get to me, make them a part of my life when they’re really not at all. I wake up thinking “I need to check my email”..go to school thinking “I wish I could check my email”..Getting home “YAY I’m going to check my email”..And then spend hours and hours staring at a screen..laughing at the screen..crying at the screen, making the screen my life. Funny how I make friends, get attached..let people into my heart, and all I really open up to is a screen telling me exactly what I want to hear: “Its going to be ok.” Because somehow, something that can’t directly confront me is safe, something I like. Somehow there’s a certain connection, that makes me want to get back and stay every time I try to get away from this.

I can sit here for hours and hours..being extremely bored, still there’s not one single thought in my mind going “Maybe I should log off and sit with my parents for a while”, “Maybe I should go and read a book to my little sister” or “Maybe I should go and do my homework”. I sit here being bored, but I sit..and I stay. Maybe because it’s the only thing I can control, the one thing that can’t control me. Life usually takes over, or actually, I let it take over,, I freak out and hide. I don’t want to talk to anyone, scared they can fix it. Cause asking for help, isn’t that just wrong? Makes you a failure doesn’t it? It does, doesn’t it? No it doesn’t. Truth is, by the time things control me, I already fell, if I hide, I’m already on my way to failing. Asking for help is my only option to get out of the circle. But I and with me a lot of other people, choose to stay in there, and we choose to get lost, and we choose to get out of control. And we hide because its all we can, stuck in our own little world, too scared to fight it. But it’s not all we can, and we’re not in control at all. We’ve lost it, and we’ve lost it good. I catch myself staring at a screen a lot, wishing, just wishing that, that one person is going to talk to me, tell me all the things I love to hear. I haven’t even met the person, most of the time I don’t even know what they look like, but they are my reason for being here, and sticking to this messed up kind of life. I forgot all about the real world. What is the real world? I don’t know, you tell me. To me it’s nothing but a big hollow, fake, shallow piece of soil people live on. But that’s just the part I’ve seen. I’ve stopped searching for the better part, I got tired along the way, and just decided to give up, take the easy way out. I lost myself, and became this lifeless piece of nothing. Internet gave me the idea that I had some sort of life after all, made me see that I wasn’t the only one, who was tired. But I was only 12..how was I supposed to know, thinking like I did wasn’t healthy? Well I couldn’t have known, and I lost myself all wrapped up in it. I built my own world to escape, from what I couldn’t handle: Life. Over the years I’ve gotten some sort of sense back, somehow got the idea that I was doing fine, I could handle things. Still I’d sit here doing the exact same things I’d do a few years ago, and I wouldn’t notice. Not only have I let it take away my sense of life, I let it take my sight, this made me blind. It made me blind, but it made me strong. It made me fall, all the way down, and it made me get up, and it made me fall down again. And Id get up and fall down, get up and fall down, and I’d see people I loved fall as well, still I blamed everyone around me for this mess, everyone but myself. Internet got me places; I would’ve never been if it wasn’t for me being so stupid.

It made me see the things I wish I’d never seen, but I saw them, and I lived, and I’m still here today. It made me strong, and it made me ME. And for as far as blaming this on “Oh but its normal, 21st century”..Its not normal, cause “normal” does not get people so far, for them to let a screen and a few hollow words take away their freedom, it shouldn’t. And it shouldn’t take away our sense of life; it’s supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be fun, and its not. Not because internet is evil, because we made it evil. It’s become a habit, a messed up habit.

 

- Melanie Caitlin

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Hey you guys. I wrote stuff, and I know some of you like my little snippets, so I thought you might want to read a story. If you're interested, either requested to be added to my writing journal ( http://chuck-status.livejournal.com ), email me, or leave me your email address here. Let me know if you can't open/receive attatchments.

 

And here is le teaser:

 

It wasn’t that his job was hard; it was an easy job with a lot of downtime during which he could read or do his homework. It wasn’t that the hours were long; he only worked two or three depending on the day and he was always out around five. It wasn’t that he didn’t get enough pay; he required very little spending money during the school year and he was much more concerned with the works-studies payment, which he received. The problem with Francisco “Paco” Fonseca’s job was whom he was working with: children. He hated children.

 

It wasn’t his choice to work at the University Elementary School Library. He had applied for every work-studies job he had been qualified for, and this was the one he had gotten. He daily cursed his drop in grades the previous year, which had shifted the majority of his financial aid from merit-based to need-based. If you were smart they gave you money, if you were poor they made you work for it. His third year at UCLA, Paco was working for it.

 

The kids who went to the library knew he didn’t like them; they weren’t stupid. Some of them left him alone, but others took pleasure in pushing his buttons. They enjoyed walking up to the circulation desk, clearing their throats to make him look up from his text or reading book, and watching him force on a twitchy, possibly painful smile as he asked what they needed. They delighted in flashing large grins and saying never mind, and then watching his expression form into an angry glare as he returned to his book.

 

On this particular day, Francisco was forging through a difficult text, constantly adjusting the angle of the UCLA cap on his head as a nervous habit. Of course when he was having difficulty he was receiving interruption after interruption, many of them false alarms. He was edgy, he was angry, so when a soft voice said, “excuse me,” he slammed down his book and said “What do you want, demon spawn!”

 

The look on the boy’s face was shocked at first, and then he threw his gaze to the ground.

 

“I’m sorry,” the boy said softly. “Should I come back later?”

 

“No,” Francisco sighed heavily, taking off his hat to push his fingers through his hair before replacing it. “Tell me what you need.”

 

“Could I use a computer?” Paco picked up a water bottle that was resting next to his book and used it to pat the sign-up sheet on the counter. The boy blushed. “Thank you,” he said. He signed his name for a free computer and went to use it. Paco watched him sit down, and then took a glance at the sign-up sheet. Rodney Creek. He looked at the boy once more then returned to his book.

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I write mostly silly songs, so don't expect anything deep.

 

I wrote this one during a physics lecture;

 

Sitting in another lecture,

Wake me up when it's all over

As I slip into another

One of those fifty minute comas

 

Chorus

And I'm so bored, it's so mundane

Another second here I swear I'll go insane

Take me out of here I beg of you!!

Take me out of here I beg of you.

 

I've lost all my concentration

Like my mind is under sedation

I'm not even paying attention

As my brain ceases all function

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I wrote this last June

 

I wanted to go to Pepperdine

Where the sea was blue and the sun would shine

On a pretty spot behind the church

Where writing up songs I would perch

But they didn't want me

They wouldn't have me

While other schools were

Trying to grab me

But Seaver College, it's okay

'Cause I'm going to UCLA

 

 

 

 

Ah I was so bitter. Still kind of am. :lol:

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I like it!!

 

I Cried Today

 

I cried today. Cried at the thought of you, of losing you, of never holding you in my arms and tasting those soft sweet lips.

 

And then I cried. Cried at the thought of you, of how you hurt me, of how you push me away and make me feel so isolated alone all by myself.

 

And then I cried. Cried at the thought of us, of how we play games, of how we're together when we're apart and apart when we're together.

 

And then I cried. Cried at the thought of me, of how I let you treat me, of how I treat you and that somehow, somewhere I lost myself along the way.

 

I died today.

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Found this one as well

 

 

Nonexistent

 

He rips my heart out every time. Eventhough he needs me. Sometimes I think he doesnt even see what he's doing to me. It's like he's blind to the pain he causes just like he's blind to my needs or anyone elses. He just knocks me back even when I defend him or support him. I don't exist to him... I never will!

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Some new stuff:

 

Tied to a story

Lights tied to a tree shining over my imagination

Dressed in something called "complete"

Tied to memories of the wrong direction

And times of a person called "me"

 

Green eyes watching over a blue sea

Next to a pink facade screaming silently

Clouds are all I need cause they take me away

To a place where color teaches me about yesterday

 

Today was then and yesterday is now

Hope got lost and despair I found

Between life and a million lies

Heading for 10.000 ways to give up this fight

 

Lights tied to a tree shining over my perfection

Dressed in something called a "mask"

Tied to memories of crazy navigation

To the tales I'd love to tell

 

Lights tied to whatever shining over what I choose

Dressed in unique identity

Tied to things I choose to do

To all that makes me whole, to that one missing piece

 

Tied to a story, one of my own

Dressed in words, spoken by a girl

Tied to a person driven by hope

To a message raped by this world

 

History of us

A little princess girl, with a wand and a crown

Sits quietly in her stress free-zone swinging up and down

She’s dancing with the sparkles in her eyes

But times changed cause her story died

 

All that’s safe, all the bushes and the trees

That once kept her away from me

All the stars and all things pretty turned into one big wall

The things that once protected her are now causing her to fall

 

*She cant let go cause she's strong

Won't admit something's wrong

Cant be weak cause she'll fail

Paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes

Princess observes and princess does

Confusing it is, this history of us

 

Tiny soldiers fighting, my mind's in war

Tales spinning around, Im too far gone

Down the slide, Im on my way

Miles off track and Im on the right page

 

This book is still unwritten, far gone and yet so close

Today I made mistakes, tomorrow I dont know

The world on my shoulders, I smile to myself

Looking back to chaos, Ive done damn well

 

*I cant let go cause Im strong

Wont admit somethings wrong

Cant be weak cause Ill fail

Paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes

Princess observes and princess does

Confusing it is, this history of us

 

This history of me and you wont change the person that I am

It wont hurt me or make me say that I cant

It wont make me fall cause I dont live in the past

I live today and I live for as long as this life will last

Up and down, found and lost

True it is, this history of us

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