Jammer Posted November 27, 2007 Report Share Posted November 27, 2007 "You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!" Classic. xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Quotes thread dead? Noooooo! ____________________________________________ From Naked Gun 2 1/2: Frank: "Did you get a good look at the guy leaving the crime scene?" Jane: "Yeah, he was caucasian" Frank: "Caucasian?" Jane: "Yeah, a white guy - with a moustache. About six feet four" Frank: "That's an awfully big moustache" ____________________________________________ Ed Byrne (Comedian): "Alanis Morisette. She had that one song, that really annoyed me called 'Ironic'. Which was about all these things that were meant to be ironic and none of them were - they were just unfortunate. The song should have been called 'Unfortunate'. The only ironic thing about it, is that it's written by a woman who doesn't know what irony is. That's pretty ironic when you think about it. Should have called the song PUHHH ... taken from the album WAAAA. Cause you listen to the lyrics... 'A traffic jam, when you're already late'. That's not ironic. Nothing ironic about being stuck in a traffic jam when you're already late.... UNLESS... your a town planner and you were late for a seminar of town planners, and were doing a talk on how you solved the Congestion problem in your area... couldn't get to it, cause you were stuck in a traffic jam. That'd be fucking well ironic, wouldn't it? Maybe that's what she was thinking. 'It's like raaain, on your wedding daaay'. Only if your marrying a weatherman, and he set the date. It's not a difficult concept it is? 'A no smoking sign on your cigarette break'. That's not ironic, that's just inconsiderate office management. A no smoking sign at a Cigarette factory = ironic. Are you writing this down Alanis? But the best line in that song, that just fucking slayed me was... 'It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife'. That's not ironic, that's just fucking stupid. How big is your sink Alanis? What do you need the knife for? To stab the bastard that keeps leaving spoons in your house?" Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rbino2V8w8I Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travel_hymn Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 HOMER SIMPSON (AS HE IS ABOUT TO TAKE A SPEECH): "If I could just say a few words....I'd be a better public speaker!" rofllllllllll Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 I love Simpsons quotes. Homer: Well Artie, you save my life. Now there's just the matter of the $10 million dollars... Marge: Homer no, we can't take his money! Homer: Oh, I can't take his money! I can't bring my own money! I have to work for money! Why don't I just lie down and die? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iOta Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 Life On Mars & Ashes To Ashes quotes! Gene Hunt: I may be a sheriff, but I'm a deputy to the law. - [To a handful of kids, staring at his car] Gene Hunt: Anything happens to this motor, I'll come 'round your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it? Good kids. - Sam Tyler: This place is like Guantanamo Bay. Gene Hunt: Give over, it's nothing like Spain - Gene Hunt: There will never be a woman prime minister as long as I have a hole in my arse. - Gene Hunt: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to. Sam Tyler: An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding? Gene Hunt: You make that sound like a bad thing. - Chris Skelton: Woman in her twenties, dead. Gene Hunt: Well I didn't think she was sunbathing, did I?! - Alex Drake: You're taller than I imagined. Gene Hunt: I'm bigger in every department. - Alex Drake: You still owe me dinner. Gene Hunt: What? Alex Drake: Tonight's my last night.So, that's it then. It's a date. Our last supper. Gene Hunt: Will I be Jesus? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted July 4, 2008 Report Share Posted July 4, 2008 [To a handful of kids, staring at his car] Gene Hunt: Anything happens to this motor, I'll come 'round your houses and stamp on all your toys. Got it? Good kids. :rotfl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 More Simpsons: Rex Banner: You're out there somewhere Beer Baron...and I'll find you. Homer: *in the distance* No you won't! Rex Banner: Yes I will! Homer: ...won't! xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy_Misery Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 I was lying in bed one night, gazing up at the stars when I suddenly wondered... WHERE THE %@£& is my ceiling?!?!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iOta Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 More Life On Mars & Ashes To Ashes quotes Gene Hunt: (to Alex Drake) Take that seatbelt off! You're a police officer, not a bloody vicar. - Ryan Burns: I am the vine! You are the branches! John, Chapter 15, Verse 5! Gene Hunt: You're nicked for the murder of Delphine Parks, the rape and attempted murder of Nina Akiboa. Anything you say will be taken down, ripped up and shoved down your scrawny little throat until you're choked to death. Gene Hunt, Chapter 1, Verse 2. - Gene Hunt: Right! How many birds does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two! One to run around screaming "What do I do?" and one to shag the electrician! - [Trying to call a mobile phone number] Sam Tyler: I need you to connect me to a Virgin mobile number - Operator: Don't you start that sexy business with me, young man. I can trace this call. - Sam Tyler: I need a drink. Gene Hunt: That's the first sensible thing you've said since you got here. - [Gene is looking at a poster for The Good, The Bad And The Ugly] Sam Tyler: Which one are you? Gene Hunt: All three. - [sam & Gene are questioning a suspect] Gene Hunt: You know, if you were Pinocchio you'd have just poked my eye out! - Gene Hunt: Will someone please put some bog roll in the toilets! I've just had to wipe my arse on Francis Lee! - [Tyler and Hunt have forced one of Warren's men to strip to his underwear in his cold store, to encourage him to answer their questions] Gene Hunt: My friend is going to ask you some questions. Personally I hope you don't answer them because I want you to die in here and end up inside a pork pie. - Sam Tyler: It's called surveillance. Gene Hunt: Doesn't sound very manly. - Gene Hunt: She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot. Godda love Gene Hunt. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 ^Awesome quotes... makes me wanna download it from itunes for my ipod Ross Noble (Comedian): "You know what I hate is when your talking to a woman with a baby, and she suddenly starts breast feeding it with no warning. Now it's not the actual breast that annoys me, it's the little face sucking and licking away... and the thing stares at you as it does it! And you try your best not to look at it. I mean, that'd be like me pulling a Dwarf out of a bag, and making it lick chocolate off a grapefruit.... HEY! STOP LOOKING AT THE DWARF! I don't mind if a lady says "do you mind me breast feeding my child?". Cause then I can get a stool, stand on it, and say "Not at all. You don't mind me squeezing oranges with my ass cheeks do you?"" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ Riot Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 Bill Bailey "The Pheasant has no agenda" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy_Misery Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 ^^ LMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiking Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 I don't know how funny this, but at least is show how stupid journalists can be sometimes. A journalist interview one of the riders on Team CSC J: Kurt you've had your share of crashes the recent years, is it something you are trying to avoid this year ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy_Misery Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 Vicar of Dibley!! Alice: Well the pregnancy test said I'm not pregnant. The hamster didn't turn blue. Geraldine: I'm sorry, I don't think I'm familiar with that particular test. Alice: Oh yes, it's very common in Dibley. You go out and you buy a hamster, and you wee on it. And if it turns blue, you're pregnant. And Absolutely Fabulous... Eddie: Ooo, she's so cold, sweetie! I'll just bet she has her period in cubes. Patsy: Oh you little BITCH TROLL FROM HELL. Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer? Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can't get out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Posted July 6, 2008 Report Share Posted July 6, 2008 The office XD Oscar: You should put butter on it. Michael: That's what she said. _______________________________________ Michael: Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily. Everyone: That's what she said. --------------------------------------------------- Michael: I say things like that to lighten the tension when things sort of get hard. Jim: That's what she said. -------------------------------------- Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently, it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS. Jim Halpert: The aid to Afghanistan? Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS. Phyllis: Afghani. Michael Scott: What? Phyllis: Afghani. Michael Scott: That's a dog. Pam Beesley: No, that's "afghan." Michael Scott: That's a shawl. Dwight Schrute: Canine AIDS? Michael Scott: No Creed: Who has AIDS? Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistanannis. Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iOta Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 ^LOL Godda love the office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 Gotta love The Simpsons. xD Lisa: Come on dad! How would you like it if someone turned your teeth into piano keys? Homer: I'd like it very much! Who wouldn't want to be part of the music industry? *starts sinking in the tar* Marge: Homer, you're sinking! Homer: Not to panic, I'll just use my arms to pull my legs out- *puts arms in the tar* Then I'll use my face to pull my arms out! *sticks face in the tar and sinks completely* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy_Misery Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 ^^ LMAO that's hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 I know. *everyone's standing outside Moe's* Homer: Oh come on! It's been St. Patrick's Day for hours and I'm still not drunk! When's Moe getting here, it's almost 9:30! *Moe appears and unlocks the door* Homer: Oh Moe, thank God you're here! Lenny: Yeah, we kicked in the back door but there was a thick steel door there! Moe: OK, listen up! This is the biggest drinking day of the year. Where are the designated drivers? *two men raise their hands* Moe: Beat it! I don't want no dead beats! Homer: It's amazing how much you can learn if you just listen! Lenny: Let's try it now. *silence* Moe: *in the back room* Oh yeah, hello? I'd like to arrange an escort please. Where to? How about to orgasmville? ....hello? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JadeIsRad Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 More Life On Mars & Ashes To Ashes quotes Gene Hunt: (to Alex Drake) Take that seatbelt off! You're a police officer, not a bloody vicar. - Ryan Burns: I am the vine! You are the branches! John, Chapter 15, Verse 5! Gene Hunt: You're nicked for the murder of Delphine Parks, the rape and attempted murder of Nina Akiboa. Anything you say will be taken down, ripped up and shoved down your scrawny little throat until you're choked to death. Gene Hunt, Chapter 1, Verse 2. - Gene Hunt: Right! How many birds does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two! One to run around screaming "What do I do?" and one to shag the electrician! - [Trying to call a mobile phone number] Sam Tyler: I need you to connect me to a Virgin mobile number - Operator: Don't you start that sexy business with me, young man. I can trace this call. - Sam Tyler: I need a drink. Gene Hunt: That's the first sensible thing you've said since you got here. - [Gene is looking at a poster for The Good, The Bad And The Ugly] Sam Tyler: Which one are you? Gene Hunt: All three. - [sam & Gene are questioning a suspect] Gene Hunt: You know, if you were Pinocchio you'd have just poked my eye out! - Gene Hunt: Will someone please put some bog roll in the toilets! I've just had to wipe my arse on Francis Lee! - [Tyler and Hunt have forced one of Warren's men to strip to his underwear in his cold store, to encourage him to answer their questions] Gene Hunt: My friend is going to ask you some questions. Personally I hope you don't answer them because I want you to die in here and end up inside a pork pie. - Sam Tyler: It's called surveillance. Gene Hunt: Doesn't sound very manly. - Gene Hunt: She's as nervous as a very small nun at a penguin shoot. Godda love Gene Hunt. lol I love Life On Mars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy_Misery Posted July 7, 2008 Report Share Posted July 7, 2008 Knocked Up: Jonah: If I go in there and see pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a stuffed animal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waketheearth Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 you knew it was coming eventually.... ANCHORMANNNN! Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh. Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady. Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me. Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair. News Station Employee: Smells like Bigfoot's dick ------- Ron Burgundy: I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman. Veronica Corningstone: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke. Ron Burgundy: I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science. Veronica Corningstone: I will have you know that I have more talent and more intelligence in my little finger than you do in your entire body, sir. Ron Burgundy: You are a smelly pirate hooker. Veronica Corningstone: You look like a blueberry. Ron Burgundy: Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island? Veronica Corningstone: Well, you have bad hair. Ron Burgundy: [insulted] What did you say? Veronica Corningstone: I said... your hair... looks stupid. [an A-bomb mushroom cloud is reflected in Ron's eyes; the knock-down drag-out fight begins] ------- [to his dog Baxter] Ron Burgundy: What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing! ------- Frank Vitchard: Aw, c'mon! It's getting to be ri-goddamn-diculous. ------- Ron Burgundy: I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION! ------- Ron Burgundy: Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina. Veronica Corningstone: No, there's no way that's correct. Ron Burgundy: I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago. Veronica Corningstone: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego? Ron Burgundy: No. No. Veronica Corningstone: No, that's - that's what it means. Really. Ron Burgundy: Agree to disagree. ------- Ron Burgundy: I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker. ------- Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast. Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch. Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it? Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart. Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident? Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident. Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder. ------- Ron Burgundy: [after jumping into the grizzly bear pit at the San Diego Zoo] I immediately regret this decision. ------- Ron Burgundy: IT'S SO DAMN HOT.....MILK WAS A BAD CHOICE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YellowBrickRoad Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 Twilight Mike: Did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or something? New Moon Alice: How opposed are you to grand theft auto? Eclipse Edward: Bella will you please stop taking your clothes off? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XslightaddictionX Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 From First To Last- At Home video (on Youtube) PLZ READ ME!!! *Chris Lent humming the Harry Potter theme song* Manning: Who are those ppl? Chris Lent: Harry Potter, duh Manning: Yeah, ur right, sry I was born before 1993 Chris: Yeah cuz only ppl that were born before 1993 don't watch Harry Potter Manning: Oh well I'm just saying ur pretty much a grown-ass man, why you wanna watch that kids bullshit, I don't know. Chris: Manning's calling Harry Potter some kids' bullshit. Manning: Well isn't about some kid who grows up to become a witch? Sounds like a Disney Fairy Tale to me. Chris: HE WAS BORN A WIZARD MANNING! Manning: I'm saying Chris, you're a 20 year old man who watches some kid bullshit fly a broom around Narnia or whatever. Ricky: I like Harry Potter Chris: I don't know who you think you winnin' against, everyone in this house loves Harry Potter. Ricky: AND NARNIA! Manning: Oh sry I'm the only adult amongst us. Funneh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ds9snowboarding Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 Never play leap frog with a unicorn LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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