Andrew Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 King of the Hill Quotes: Hank: "I can't finish ten minutes early on a Friday afternoon" _________________________________________________ Bill, Boomhauer, Dale and Hank are in a convertible. Dale is driving Bill: "I think I'm gonna take my shirt off!" Hank: "No" Dale: "I have a better idea, let's all SWAP shirts!" Everyone except Hank start to take their shirts off. Hank has to grab the steering wheel to avoid a crash Dale: "Hank, if you're driving, then who's taking your shirt off?!" _________________________________________________ Hank: "My son plays with dolls. There I said it" Dale: "Your boy's a sissy Hank, there I said it" _________________________________________________ Dale is at a gun range, he puts a picture of Chip onto the target and begins firing his handgun. He fires two rounds of bullets, drops to one knee, pulls his trouser leg up to reveal a smaller gun in a holster. He then fires another round of bullets from the smaller gun. He stands up and pushes a button to get the target back. Dale: "Octavio. I want you to do what I just did to this picture, to the actual guy..." Dale holds up target, with no bullet holes in it at all. Dale: "...only do it to his face" _________________________________________________ Octavio is watching Hank, Bobby and Chip from his car. Octavio (into his tape recorder): "11:15 a.m. The man and the boy and the puppet leave the house" Dale is watching Octavio from his van. Dale (into his tape recorder): "11:16. Octavio speaks into tape recorder. Thus leaving crucial evidence! Stupid idiot! Octavio must be gotten rid of!" Dale reaches into the glove compartment, to reveal a gun. He pushes aside the gun, picks up a pad and pen, and starts to write a letter... Dale: "Dear Octavio: This is the hardest letter I've ever had to write..." _________________________________________________ Zack: "No hard feelings, but it's over, Linda" Luanne: "Linda? That's not how my name is pronounced" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JadeIsRad Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 Life On Mars: Ray Carling: I'm arresting you for the theft of a motor vehicle, resisting arrest... and driving like a div. Sam Tyler: We need an inner cordon as well as this one. Think of it as two circles, one inside the other. The area in the centre is out of limits to everybody but us. Gene Hunt: Fair enough. Sam Tyler: Call it the doughnut. Gene Hunt: Jam or custard? Sam Tyler: Now you're just being silly. Gene Hunt: I'm not the one calling it a doughnut [to Ray Carling whom he had demoted a few months ago] Gene Hunt: Good work, Raymondo. I'm bumping you back up to DS... only this time make it stand for Detective Sergeant and not Dog Shit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJake Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 From the movie Get Smart. i know i didnt get the quote exaclty how it was said, cus i saw the movie a while ago: Max: killing me would be a very bad idea bad guy whos name i forgot: why is that? Max: because there are 180 US snipers outside of this building, and if you kill me, theyll have no reason not to kill you. Bad guy: i dont belive you Max: would you believe... 20 US Navy SEAL commandos? Bad guy: uh... no Max: what about Chuck Norris with a BB gun? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XslightaddictionX Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 What else do you do besides drink beer? Be badass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 [to Ray Carling whom he had demoted a few months ago] Gene Hunt: Good work, Raymondo. I'm bumping you back up to DS... only this time make it stand for Detective Sergeant and not Dog Shit! xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 My fav life on mars quote is: "You're surrounded by armed bastards" Ed Byrne (Comedian): "Hello and welcome to the show. As you can see, I've got some cameras in tonight filming for a DVD and TV. So there'll be no dirty talk, bad language, rudeness or swearing. Oh no no no. Because as my mother always used to say, If you have to swear to get laughs, then your obviously a cunt" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JadeIsRad Posted July 8, 2008 Report Share Posted July 8, 2008 My fav life on mars quote is: "You're surrounded by armed bastards" I love that quote! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iOta Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 It's a classic!!! Another from LOM: Sam Tyler: "Why are we running?" Gene Hunt: "Because they're chasing us" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JadeIsRad Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 It's a classic!!! Another from LOM: Sam Tyler: "Why are we running?" Gene Hunt: "Because they're chasing us" Gene Hunt is one of the best characters ever! Sam Tyler: Who the hell are you? Gene Hunt: Gene Hunt. Your DCI. And it's 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm 'aving hoops. Gene Hunt: [To Sam] Where are you today, then? Here, or Planet of the Clangers? Sam Tyler You're not above the law, you know! Gene Hunt What're you on about? I AM THE LAW! [A police car with sirens on shoots past outside] Gene Hunt: [alarmed] The law, the law, get down you divs! [Everyone ducks down, before Sam reappears when the car has gone] Sam Tyler: We are the law, you bloody clowns! God help us! thank you wikiquote xD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iOta Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Wikiquote owns. Sam Tyler: Look, I was thinking, guv. I know having me here is difficult for you. What if I went back? Gene Hunt: To Hyde? Sam Tyler: Is that possible? Gene Hunt: I'll get on the blower. [Gene picks up the phone] Sam Tyler: You can do that? You can just send me back to where I came from? Gene Hunt: Hello, is that the Wizard of Oz? The Wizard'll sort it out. It's because of the wonderful things he does. Gene Hunt: Steven Warren is a bum bandit. Do you understand? A poof! A fairy! A queer! A queen! Fudge packer! Uphill Gardener! Fruit picking sodomite! Sam Tyler: He's gay? Gene Hunt: As a bloody Christmas Tree! Mind you, he is a little touchy on the subject, being a twisted Catholic with an elderly mother and all, so I wouldn't go mentioning it to him... You challenged his authority so he stitched you up like a kipper. Pretty girl appealed to your vanity as the only decent sheriff in Dodge City. Slipped you a Mickey, tied you up and bounced on your ding-a-ling. Sam Tyler: Why? Gene Hunt: I suspect the answer will lie in the post. Photos, you idiot. [bursting in on Stephen Warren, who is performing an act of oral sex on another man] Gene Hunt: I'm not a Catholic me'self Mr Warren, but isn't there something in the Bible about "Thou shalt not suck off rent boys"? Warren: How dare you come in here! Gene Hunt: You could have said that to the boy. Sam Tyler: If it was to do with football, he'd have serious injuries. Gene Hunt: He's dead. That's quite serious. Gene Hunt: They reckon you've got concussion - I couldn't give a tart's furry cup if half your brains are falling out. Don't ever waltz into my kingdom acting king of the jungle. [Ordering the hunt for a murderer] Gene Hunt: This is my city. And it will be a safe place for my wife and my mum to walk around in. Is that understood? Detectives: Yes, guv. Gene Hunt: [sternly] Right. Find out who the dead woman was, find out who killed her. Do it now. [He checks his watch] Gene Hunt: Hold up, hold up. Do it tomorrow morning, first thing. [brightly] Beer o'clock, gentlemen. Gene Hunt: Murderers do not play tennis! Sam Tyler: Well, this one does Annie Cartwright: Boss, there's a viscous yellow liquid in his ear.... Gene Hunt: No, that's the drip from my fried egg butty, love. Well done Miss Marple, that's why we need women detectives... Sam Tyler: I think she’s telling the truth. Gene: I think she’s as fake as a tranny’s fanny. Gene: Drugs eh? What’s the point. They make you forget, make you talk funny, make you see things that aren’t there. My old grandma got all of that for free when she had a stroke. Gene Hunt: Blardy, blardy, history bloody blardy. It doesn't take a degree in applied bollocks to know what's going on! Sam Tyler: Go on then, amaze me with your insubstantial GUESSWORK! Sam Tyler (to Gene Hunt):I can just about handle you, driving like a pissed up crackhead and treating women like beanbags. But I'm going to say this once, and once only, Gene. Stay out of Camberwick Green! [sam startles Gene by waking screaming from a nightmare] Sam Tyler: I was just dreaming. Gene Hunt: What I call a dream involves Diana Dors and a bottle of chip oil! That's what you call a guilty conscience, my friend. Sam Tyler: What? Gene Hunt: The root of nightmares. Sam Tyler: My conscience is clear, thankyou very much. Gene Hunt: Yeah, well, as for me, I slept like a baby! [Flops back down onto the bed] Sam Tyler: Yeah, a twenty stone baby. Burps, snores and farts. Gene Hunt: [sitting bolt upright] I do NOT snore! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParamoreRedSoxGurl Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 one who sits in the middle of the road gets hit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Komomaan Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 One of The Hives: "We are more fans of music than fans of trashing hotel rooms." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 From Mock The Week last night: Frankie Boyle: "It says in the bible, if a man lays with another man, he must be stoned. From my own experience, I find it helps" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InsaneMuffin Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 *Taken from my Facebook quotes* Disclaimer: I've got nothing against blondes. This quote is based on a true story... dum dum dum! [*Two blondes at lunch hall* (First blonde takes a whole bunch of napkins) Blonde2: OH MY GOD! Do you have any idea of how many ANIMALS you're killing with all those napkins?! Blonde1: *Stares* Uh... DUH I'm a VEGETARIAN, I don't care.] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waketheearth Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 "What is it with Halo and "raping" people?! Seriously?" i said that haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJake Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 haha. i just heard his one "I think its cool when people carve their jack-o-lanterns on Halloween, but i think its stupid when people dont take the time to carve it, they jsut draw on it. and some people dont even draw on it, they draw it on a piece of paper and tape it to the pumpkin. and some people dont even do that! they like, write words on the paper, and its like an essay, and its on ben franklin, and they turn it in to their teacher, and im like 'psh, nice jack-o-lantern, jackass!'" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 Wayne's World! [Wayne and Garth are lying on the hood of the mirth-mobile, staring at the starlit sky] Garth Algar: Sometimes I wish I could boldly go where no man has gone before... but I'll probably stay in Aurora. What are you thinking about? Wayne Campbell: Cassandra. She's a fox. In French she would be called "la renarde" and she would be hunted with only her cunning to protect her. Garth Algar: She's a babe. Wayne Campbell: She's a robo-babe. In Latin she would be called "babia majora". Garth Algar: If she were a president she would be Baberaham Lincoln. [a brief pause] Garth Algar: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny? Wayne Campbell: No. [cracks up laughing] Wayne Campbell: No. Garth Algar: Neither did I. I was just asking. ---------------------------------------------- Waynes world 2 Wayne: Excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street? Chicken-man: Well, I'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. Jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons. Wayne: Oh, so you're selling watermelons. Jim: No, no sir. We just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these here chickens. Garth: What do these guys do? Chicken-man: Well, their job is to walk back and forth with this big plate-glass window every couple of minutes. Garth: Weird. Wayne: Yeah, you've got to wonder if this is gonna pay off later on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defiance Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 when garth and wayne burst out laughing in the first quote, it wasnt actually in the script, but they couldnt do the scene without cracking up so they just kept it in there cause it fits well anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie: Shake is drawing on a black board... Master Shake: Now this square is the... man. Meatwad: Ok. Master Shake: This circle here, that's a uterus. Meatwad: That's what it looks like? Master Shake: Up close yes. This is lifelike drawing of the uterus. See the guy takes the car after his job to pick up the uterus at her house... Meatwad: Mmhmm. Master Shake: because she doesn't work unless she's sweeping up something. Meatwad: Well... and where do they go? Master Shake: All the way... to a hotel... which definitely has cable... and that's where this trapezoid becomes hmm shall we say... hahaha entangled with the exposed and aerated crotches. Meatwad: And that there is the exposed crotches? Master Shake: I told you that's the chair and the spatula. Meatwad: I knew it. Master Shake: Congratulate yourself my friend... you have just been laid. Meatwad: Ooh... that feels good. Master Shake: Yeah, I never tire of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJake Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 "hey, are you stalking me?! cus if you are... then thats totaly super!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defiance Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Em2iBxlny9w&NR=1 i love that scene its amazing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iOta Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 ^ It's a good movie. Though I don't like that Grey's anatomy lady. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defiance Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 but 5 different chairs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Emery: "Why don't we send Wing Nut here to friggen bore them to death" Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past: "I have a thousand weapons of mass distraction" ----------------------------- Frylock: "Where did you get this thing?" Shake: "From a good friend of mine. Who knows my needs, and... he also happens to wear... bitchin' ass pants" Carl is shown wearing tiger striped pants Carl: "You see they are made of a fiber optic technology that hug the flesh on my unique shape. They circulate air around my genitals and they wick the sweat off my balls. You wanna know more about my pants I have some literature inside..." Frylock: "NO" ----------------------------- Carl: "Hey where the hell are my pants?" Shake is wearing them, runs and tries to hide Carl: "I see them... I see them!" Shake: "Hey Carl, why don't you jump in and take the other leg... our balls will wick together as one" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheJake Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 i heard this on some movie i saw on tv the othre day. during this part, a doctor(one of hte main characters) is birthing the first baby hes ever done. doctor: ok sir, im going to have to stick my hand up your wifes cervix. guy: your going to do WHAT to my wife?! doctor: *sigh*... im going to shove my hand up your wifes vagina, ok?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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