Echelonforever Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 ^ ha, yea. I hear them like everyday. I just laugh it off. I love being blonde. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Arya Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 Blondies rock, haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Arya Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog! * Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. * Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? * Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie... * Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. * Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before? * There go the lights again... * Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em. * Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! * Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off. * What's this doing here? * I hate it when they're missing stuff in here. * That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?! * Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us. * Sterile, shcmerle. The floor's clean, right? * OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. * Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card? * Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough. * What do you mean, "You want a divorce"! * FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out! * Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing! * Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cav Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 A man with dyslexia walks in to a rab. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ Riot Posted February 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 why is it bad when two chavs drive a car off a cliff? Answer: a car holds five Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arrrrr x matey Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 i dont get it. haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Komomaan Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 what is crying and turning around? a baby in a mixer... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 How do you get a 100 babies in a barrel? Use a blender. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Komomaan Posted February 17, 2008 Report Share Posted February 17, 2008 what is funnier than 3 dead babies in 1 barrel? 1 dead baby in 3 barrels... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Arya Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful e-mail technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. PS. Sure is hot down here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaughtInTheRiot Posted February 18, 2008 Report Share Posted February 18, 2008 ^LMFAO That's horrendous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiaisradder Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful e-mail technologycan be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. PS. Sure is hot down here. lmao! i laughed so hard at this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Arya Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 One day in heaven, the Lord decided he would visit the earth and take astroll. Walking down the road, the Lord encountered a man who was crying. The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man and he could see and he was happy. As the Lord walked further, he met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy. Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord, I work for the Government," and the Lord sat down and cried with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
777 Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 ^ hah anyways..so there was this flood(man I hope this joke isnt on the before pages) and this preacher guy was like "God will save me" so he goes on his roof, the water is up to his foot, a guy comes with a boat "C'mon! waters getting deep" the guy goes" Nahh god will save me, As you were!" so now....its later the waters up to his knees, a guy in another boat goes "Lets get goin man, If you wanna live" the guy on the roof goes "Nah man, god will save me! get outta here you:)" so the waters up to his neck aye? a man in a helicopter comes and goes "SERIOUSLY! GET UP ON HERE AND LETS TAKE OFF SHALL WE?" the guy goes "no way man!! god will save me! just you see!" so then the guy takes off and goes "See you soon" the guy dies....he drowns....up in heaven he goes to mr god himself and asks "Hey father...why didnt you save me? " and god goes "Well I sent two boats and a helicopter?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travel_hymn Posted February 19, 2008 Report Share Posted February 19, 2008 Oh, I HAVE heard that one before! It's brilliant though! I laugh everytime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ Riot Posted February 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 A Father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of his bed. It was addressed "DAD". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: DEAR DAD, IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET & SORROW THAT I'M WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MUM & YOU. I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS & HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY HER PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT & BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY. EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRALIER IN HTE WOODS & HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE OF WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO. BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE WILL BE GROWING IT FOR ALL THE COCAINE & ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!! DON'T WORRY DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN. P.S DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOUR'S HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAT MY REPORT CARD THATS IN MY DESK CENTRE DRAWER I LOVE YOU! CALL ME WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miracle Man Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 :rotfl: thats a belter that James Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Komomaan Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 haha, i should so put that letter on my fathers desk, next to my report card Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jorgi Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 I ate 14 yoghurts the other day. I was mullered. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 ^ What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a cheesegrater. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jorgi Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 I sincerely hope that eye roll was actually your interpretation of heartfelt applause, jimmy. And i have so many baby jokes it's disgusting. ...They're actually disgusting. I think i'll keep them to myself, some may have a nervous disposition. Or a law suit. Or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Komomaan Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 nooh! i like baby jokes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jammer Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 I sincerely hope that eye roll was actually your interpretation of heartfelt applause, jimmy. Nope. Quite the opposite in fact. *flees* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xletthisgox Posted February 27, 2008 Report Share Posted February 27, 2008 haha okay i was at a bookstore and picked up a book of dirty jokes, and this is the one i opened up to. lol this is kinda bad, i hope i dont get my account deleted or anything lol okay so there is this striaght guy, and a gay guy at a gay strip club. (dont ask me why the straight guy is there) anyways the gay guy is sitting behind the straight guy. And a black male stripper comes up on the stage and starts doing his thing (lol) and the gay guy is yelling "ah! oh yeah! ooohhh!" etc then a white male stripper comes up and the gay guy is doing the same thing but even louder. Then a gay chinese stripper comes up on the stage and the gay guy goes quiet. The straight guy turns around and asks... "where's all your excitment now?" the gay guy answers.."all over your back." LMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoa! Posted March 1, 2008 Report Share Posted March 1, 2008 what do you call a sexy, beautiful woman on the arms of an ugly and dirty man? a: tatoo! haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.