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Rant Thread II


Ashhh
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some caution before reading

I FUCKING hate the word why...

I tired of asking you that question......

But yet I still ask You...

In this moment I'm so pissed off....

Why?....

Because, I was just fucking super with my whole positiveness.....

I was happy...Im happy....just not with this..this...this fucking thing...

Making myself like u again....thats my fault...all mine....

I shut the door and through away the key and now I'm looking for it...

Oh well fuck it...fuck it....and fuck you for not fucking me...haha...

(and i so don't mean that in a nice way).....sorry...i just want to be fucked....

damn that was blunt....I'm just horny...thats all.....

Even though you faked it...that moment was beautiful....beautiful.....

*sits and reminisces*.....

Oh and when you said sorry before the kiss....that was such a movie moment...

But I want more....your like weed to me....

I get one hit, then I get addicted and then have withdrawal symptoms....

And I can't full the FREAKIN VOID....

This Why Your Hot....You cant keep the bitches off of you....Your like weed..and who doesn't like weed.....

Just like my Mary Jane I love you dearly...i got to eventually quit you....cause nothing good will come from this......

HEY...I may be mad in this moment....

But I THANK YOU...for what you have given me...You've given me more than you'll ever know....(how that saying goes)...much appreciated....

I've never felt this important.....no....never felt this concerned by someone.....*Anger is slowly fading*

Sorry if I was ever a pain in the neck, back or ass....

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Well let's see.....

 

I come into uni in my spare time to work on one of my essays, but I can't open Microsoft Word without some password that I don't know, and half of the new computers don't work, AND the Adobe reader isn't working either so now I can't read that for background info, so in other words I can do fuck all today.

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thanks for the hug james. =]

 

things got better. the next day i remembered my meds, my gpop got out of the hospital [even though he's not better yet...long story], still haven't heard from my family in CA, things with my friend are still the same, but they've been like that since june so i didn't expect it to get better overnight. and as for homecoming, my retarded class finally agreed on something so we're working on that now.

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my school sucks so much ass

but before i get super into it i'll give you the basic idea

i've got really bad social anxiety disorder, so i stopped going to school

so right now i'm going to this half school half therapy type thing for a few months

so i'll be good to go back to a normal school next semester

 

they claim its 'voluntary' but nothing there is anything close to voluntary

they do urine tests every week which is just...weird

family therapy sucks so much

i end up just crying all the time

my therapist (who i completely hate) and my parents just gang up on me all the time

and blame everything on me

there's only like 15 people in the whole school, and most of them are really awesome

but we're not allowed to be friends outside the program

and we can't touch eachother

we're not allowed to leave

and we get in trouble on our break for talking

like wtf is that

its BREAK

we're supposed to talk

and then school, there's only six people in a class

and we're not allowed to talk at all

they said if you get distracted or whatever as long as you're quiet you don't have to work

but then they get all up in your face if you're not working

plus the only cool teacher there left last week

he was really into music and stuff and he was teaching everyone to play guitar

and he said he'd teach me how to play matchbox twenty

so i was really excited because i've loved them forever

and i even got him into paramore

and when we weren't working he didn't care, he'd come and like talk to us and bring us really old rolling stone magazines and everything

and interactive group, oh my god

its like a group therapy thing

but the people who run in are just so freakin....ugh

we tend to laugh a lot and then they get mad

every freaking time they ask us 'why are you laughing" and every freaking time we give the same answer

we're not going to stop laughing

shut the hell up

and then when you say something they ask you a million questions about it

'i don't get it', 'why do you feel that way?', 'how do you know you feel that way?'

they gang up on the one person who doesn't talk and people who do have something to say never get to

i hate it

 

 

not to mention i'm on a bus for an hour and a half

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I am such a grump today. Maybe it is because I did not get to bed until 3 A.M. and then had to wake up for a dentist appointment. Maybe it is that and the side-effects from the Novocain. I could not even stay awake in the dentist chair during the procedure, which is funky because I was not even numbed all the way because my stupid teeth refuse to numb normally.

GRRR so grumpyyyyy. Part of it may be because I have realized that I have to go to school tomorrow with two quizzes and a test.

Booooo.

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so today started off great, i got to talk to emily [from now on i'll type her name instead of "the person i really like"]. we were talking about alot of stuff, and it just made me really happy. but then the moment i walked into school i found out that one of the teachers 4 month old son died yesterday, he choked to death. then later on in the day i find out that one of my friends and his family are moving back to brazil in january. he gets abused at home, and we've seen the scars. and january is already a horrible month for me casue of stuff i had to go through about 2 years ago. then about 15-20 minutes before school ended we had a bomb threat, and the teachers and principles freaked out and evacuated us as fast as they could, and made it seem really bad, and alot of horrible rumors about what could have happened were going around. then when i get home, i found of my sisters school had a lockdown earlier in the day cause there was a robbery like a street away from the school. OMGGGG

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I hate change.. in some ways though... not in every way. its just that tonight has been the first night in about 3-4 months where ive been out with ONLY my close friends, and the difference was just unbelievable... they've changed so much that it's just so WEEEEIRD. not necessarily in a BAD way; so i guess that isn't really much of a rant...

 

the real rant though, is how an ex good friend of mine met this guy, who said 'im not interested in a relationship'... so what did she do? she had sex with him that's what, and they do so on a regular basis LOL i know that's such a pathetic thing, but i can't help but laugh. What is happening to the world?

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Getting a bit stressed at everyone, lately, which is completely my fault but it still sucks and i can't seem to stop myself doing it. I have had no motivation to be sociable this week, which isn't something that usually happens as i love my friends- winter's setting in and suddenly nothing seems as exciting anymore.

 

Also, going snowboarding tonight and i still haven't recovered from last weekend's session. 6 hour session of solid falling over. i can hardly wait. ...>_<;

complaincomplaincomplain.

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