watchthesky Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I think Kayla needs a big cyberhug from Shanny. i think she would like that I love you too cmon Kayla, proper English come on matthew, you know what it means I didn't realise I've never posted in here before. Ah well, better make a start on my (probably long) list of things.... 1. I'm a very shy person. In fact, I only really have proper conversations with people online and with my best friends. Basically, the longer I know a person, the more comfortable I am around them (I guess thats the same with most people). 2. I've never had a boyfriend. I don't really see this as a majorly horrible thing. I mean, I'm only 15 and I have my whole life ahead of me! I'm not going to have a boyfriend just because everyone else has one and I'm proud to say that. The thing that annoys me is that my friends make it out like I'm crazy and that I need to 'fancy' someone otherwise I'm not normal. That's not the case at all. I'm just more patient than some people and I want to wait until I find someone I actually really care about. 3. I think drinking, drugs etc.. are extremely lame and I really don't respect people who brag about it. It isn't going to make your life any better. If anything, it will make it shorter. I just don't see the point personally. 4. I'm probably the most jealous person you will ever meet. I'm constantly wishing that I was like someone else, whether that be because of the appearance, personality etc.. 5. I have a very low opinion of myself. People may compliment me on whatever they want but I honestly don't believe a word that they say. I'm always worrying about what I look like and that people will judge me if I look a mess. uhmmm....thats all I can think of for now. I'm sure I'll think of more points later. these are all dead on too especially number four you don't even want to know how much time i spend wishing i were someone else Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guro Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I didn't realise I've never posted in here before. Ah well, better make a start on my (probably long) list of things.... 1. I'm a very shy person. In fact, I only really have proper conversations with people online and with my best friends. Basically, the longer I know a person, the more comfortable I am around them (I guess thats the same with most people). 2. I've never had a boyfriend. I don't really see this as a majorly horrible thing. I mean, I'm only 15 and I have my whole life ahead of me! I'm not going to have a boyfriend just because everyone else has one and I'm proud to say that. The thing that annoys me is that my friends make it out like I'm crazy and that I need to 'fancy' someone otherwise I'm not normal. That's not the case at all. I'm just more patient than some people and I want to wait until I find someone I actually really care about. 3. I think drinking, drugs etc.. are extremely lame and I really don't respect people who brag about it. It isn't going to make your life any better. If anything, it will make it shorter. I just don't see the point personally. 4. I'm probably the most jealous person you will ever meet. I'm constantly wishing that I was like someone else, whether that be because of the appearance, personality etc.. 5. I have a very low opinion of myself. People may compliment me on whatever they want but I honestly don't believe a word that they say. I'm always worrying about what I look like and that people will judge me if I look a mess. uhmmm....thats all I can think of for now. I'm sure I'll think of more points later. This. I can relate 100% to them. I'm gonna add a few more. - I don't talk much about my feelings. I think it's because I feel if I do so, they become real. - I don't really get along well with my mom. I have no idea why. I've just never been close to her. Whenever she's around I become a whole different person. I become really really shy, and messed up bascially. And it's just really messing things up for me. - I hate when people bring up my past. Especially when my friends does it, and make fun of things I've done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 3. I think drinking, drugs etc.. are extremely lame and I really don't respect people who brag about it. It isn't going to make your life any better. If anything, it will make it shorter. I just don't see the point personally. I do drink, I do take drugs (no I am not some addict, maybe less than 20 times per year I'll use drugs), but I completely agree that I hate people bragging about the times they got wasted or got high. Yeah I get drunk and high, but I will do so away from the general public and I don't feel the need to really tell every person I know about it, because it's my experience for me and my own choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watchthesky Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 This. I can relate 100% to them. I'm gonna add a few more. - I don't talk much about my feelings. I think it's because I feel if I do so, they become real. - I don't really get along well with my mom. I have no idea why. I've just never been close to her. Whenever she's around I become a whole different person. I become really really shy, and messed up bascially. And it's just really messing things up for me. - I hate when people bring up my past. Especially when my friends does it, and make fun of things I've done. ditto and ditto i don't get along much with my mom either, or my brother, but since my dad left that's been getting better Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harry Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 Part 2 of my "It's Therapy Time" ranting since I am quite a screwed up person and didn't conclude what I wanted to say in a single post. 14. I am a super duper underachieving person. I'm a fairly intelligent person (although hardly a genius as such) and I know this partly because I was one of those kids that never bothered to study, but walked into class and decimated every one else in tests that everyone else had spent hours studying for. I was blessed with a well above average mathematical ability as well as above normal abilities to understand the sciences and honestly, just concepts in general I was quicker to understand than most kids my age at school. I can play 2 musical instruments fairly proficiently and when I started playing bass guitar within about 3 months I became significantly better than people that I knew that had been playing bass for several years. With the exception of sports (well actually no, aerobic related things like running long distance I was extremely good at and I found I needed less training than my friends to get better results...but then I started smoking, so hey that ruined that lol but to be fair I've quit smoking, except the occasional bong or joint) because of my co-ordination problems I had from being born prematurely, I basically had a knack for improving at things, understanding things and progressing at things faster than my peers. I was told by teachers at school that my future was going to be bright, that if I wanted many doors would be opened to me and some teachers would often complain about other students (behind their backs) to me about having to explain things again and again to them that they only had to explain once to me and I understood first time around. Right now I probably could have been in university studying in some field of chemistry or something, but my underachieving personality has completely ruined that, leaving me with not even a secondary school qualification and absolutely nothing of the tertiary kind. This was also partly due to my anxiety problems too to be fair. I want to go to university to study when mature age (21, when you can apply for university without needing a highschool/secondary college certificate) but I feel that I wont be able to cope, not because I wont understand the material because I know I can because I sit here half my day and read about stuff constantly, but because of my personality problems relating to academic things and my paranoia/anxiety/suspected bipolar issues. And this has also had a massive effect on my self esteem/self worth. When I look back I feel like I took my abilities and intelligence for granted. I just know I could have been so much more, but right now I'm a jobless bum who lives at his parents even though he is 20 years old and probably could have moved out of home by now if he had a car and money to live by himself, that just sits at home, plays guitar and bass 5 hours a day, sits on the computer for 8 hours a day and reads/listens to music (I fucking love music as you can tell lol and also those are the days when I'm alone and don't see friends, I don't do this everyday since I have a social life) and a few times a week might get out of the house and go to a party and a pub. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andalix Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 ^My brother is the same. He can learn everything so quickly. It's enough for him to listen to the teacher and he just don't have to read the school books after because he's already learned it. I always say I want some piece of his brain. But it just won't happen. ---------------------------------------- I'm not a good friend. If people get to know me better I just push them away though I need them to be there for me. It's crazy I know but that's the way I work. But I think if somebody really wants to be my friend, they forgive my mistakes. You know a lot of bad things happened to me in the past and that's why I'm afraid of friendships. Sometimes I want to be alone and have noone around me. In the next moment I feel so lonely and I just need somebody to talk to. If I know them a little bit better I feel they're mine and noone else's and I'm afraid of losing them. And after that I start to behave like a bitch. I want to know everything about them and talk to them all the time. And if they don't care about me (in my opinion), I just ignore them. And yes, I want them back after. You see? That's the way I do everything. Though I may be nice in the beginning... I regret losing one of my best friends last year. I know she won't forgive me at all. I've realized that she really was one of my true friends. I've never felt like this in my entire life. I must visit a psychiatrist to cure my craziness. Okay I have another reasons to go to one. I won't tell you now and it really doesn't matter to you but to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XMusicDudetteX Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 ^My brother is the same. He can learn everything so quickly. It's enough for him to listen to the teacher and he just don't have to read the school books after because he's already learned it. I always say I want some piece of his brain. But it just won't happen. ---------------------------------------- I'm not a good friend. If people get to know me better I just push them away though I need them to be there for me. It's crazy I know but that's the way I work. But I think if somebody really wants to be my friend, they forgive my mistakes. You know a lot of bad things happened to me in the past and that's why I'm afraid of friendships. Sometimes I want to be alone and have noone around me. In the next moment I feel so lonely and I just need somebody to talk to. If I know them a little bit better I feel they're mine and noone else's and I'm afraid of losing them. And after that I start to behave like a bitch. I want to know everything about them and talk to them all the time. And if they don't care about me (in my opinion), I just ignore them. And yes, I want them back after. You see? That's the way I do everything. Though I may be nice in the beginning... I regret losing one of my best friends last year. I know she won't forgive me at all. I've realized that she really was one of my true friends. I've never felt like this in my entire life. I must visit a psychiatrist to cure my craziness. Okay I have another reasons to go to one. I won't tell you now and it really doesn't matter to you but to me. You're not crazy, especially if you're questioning your sanity in the first place. Like everyone else in this world, whether they want to admit it or not, you deal with issues. Your problems are very important and they do matter, so don't let ANYONE tell you any differently. If you ever need anything, I'm here =) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andalix Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 You're not crazy, especially if you're questioning your sanity in the first place. Like everyone else in this world, whether they want to admit it or not, you deal with issues. Your problems are very important and they do matter, so don't let ANYONE tell you any differently.If you ever need anything, I'm here =) Thanks for not freaking out! It means a lot to me. You know I had to get it off my chest, I always bottle everything up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XMusicDudetteX Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Thanks for not freaking out! It means a lot to me.You know I had to get it off my chest, I always bottle everything up. No need to thank me =) It's always best to let out your problems for a person can only hold them in for so long before they explode. We're not meant to try and deal with problems ourselves. I can relate since I haven't always been one to discuss my feelings either, but it's important to let them out somewhere. Posting in here helps, and so does writing. Do you write songs or keep a journal, perhaps? If not, you should! Both help a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andalix Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 No need to thank me =) It's always best to let out your problems for a person can only hold them in for so long before they explode. We're not meant to try and deal with problems ourselves. I can relate since I haven't always been one to discuss my feelings either, but it's important to let them out somewhere. Posting in here helps, and so does writing. Do you write songs or keep a journal, perhaps? If not, you should! Both help a lot. I used to write them. I quit. I have no strength of will. I always give up everything soon because I lose interest but I'm happy it hasn't happen to playing guitar yet. Once I start a blog/diary but then I find it boring and stop it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XMusicDudetteX Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 I used to write them. I quit. I have no strength of will. I always give up everything soon because I lose interest but I'm happy it hasn't happen to playing guitar yet.Once I start a blog/diary but then I find it boring and stop it. Just keep playing that guitar. I believe the will to write will come back. I believe that once you become a writer, it never leaves you no matter what the time span is between writes. Once a writer, always a writer. Guitar is a great release and fun, haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andalix Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Just keep playing that guitar. I believe the will to write will come back. I believe that once you become a writer, it never leaves you no matter what the time span is between writes. Once a writer, always a writer.Guitar is a great release and fun, haha. Yes, that's what I think too. Some of my buddies once said that I was good at writing so I think I'll start it again. My guitar is the love of my life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the1 Posted August 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 My my, this thread... I guess for me it's funny. Cos when I started this, I was basically a whiny little bitch. But, now that things have started to get serious as regarding life, I guess it's just a realization that everyone goes through some kinda shit- and the only thing to do is to press on, and stop taking it all so seriously. So, since I'm bored, I guess I'll inject some confidence by countering the points people bring up: -NO RELATIONSHIP. Well, yeah this used to bother me, specially seeing as I went from zero to hero in a week then it came to nothing. But, on the plus side, it made me realize that to hope for something good in the teenage years is a waste of time- no one is mature enough. But, even better, FOCUS ON YOURSELF BEFORE OTHERS. If you aren;t happy with yourself, then you aren't ready to share it with someone else. I wasn't happy with myself at all. But, no that my self assurance is almost too high, I think I can finally handle dissapointment without hating myself after. Yay! -THE FUTURE. Oh shit. This is a big one. I have Uni results coming up. I need AAB to study English at Birmingham Uni. Am I worried? Well, I worked hard. Why should I be? Things should work out fine. But what about after?? The only thing I want to do is play music. So I will! Nothing in the world is such a mission if you out your mind to it, so why should I worry when I know I have the conviction needed?? There's one important thing here- NOTHING IS PERMANENT. And although that might suck some times, it can also be the biggest reassurance. -NOT HAPPY WITH MY LOOKS ETC. Well, I guess I'm lucky in some ways. But that doesn't mean shit- it's not like it's ever benefitted me. Plus, being short sucks- you don;t get taken so seriously, girls don't see you as a man etc. But fuck that. If you adopt a decent enough attitude, your looks don't mean shit. Ever wonder why you get couples of ugly and fit people? Well, either cos the ugly one has loads of money lol, or because they STOPPED GIVING A SHIT. Hell, I know a guy who looks like a fucking stretched alien. But he gets so much, all because he has enough confidence that makes him attractive (I guess, I still think his face looks like a saggy ass...). But my point is that I don't let being short stop be from feeling fine when I look in the mirror or go out. And neither should any of you guys,. You make it apparent that you are all decent people, and so things will happen in time if you keep your head up. -PARENTS. Wow, I've always had a kinda rocky relationship with my Dad. I also went away to school, so I've probably spent about 1/3 of time at home as most usual teenagers. And yes, I get days where I'm like "Fuck that guy". But, now that I'm older and a bit more observant, I can see that he's just human. And he has flaws and complexities that I couldn't understand (and his pride would never admit it.) But, he did say this last night "I know how you feel sometimes. But, remember, you are only with me some of the time. I can't get away from myself". So, I guess my point it that yes, parents can be shitty, but bringing up a kid isn't easy, especially when you have to dal with yourself as well. So cut them some slack I might put more later. But that'll do for now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankiePoo Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 -I know I'm being used by this guy, but I'm just blinded by the fact that he makes me feel pretty -I feel that my relationships with certain friends are dwindling at an alarming rate -I've disected my life, so now, to me, my life is just working hard to get a guy, never getting him, and one of my dwindling friends getting them. And being used as another fuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allie<3 Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 -i've never told anyone the real truth about my past. -i can be judgemental. -im a huge procrastinator -i hate drugs,alchohol i dont respect people who brag about it -i get made fun of because i'm a virgin and never had done drugs/alchohol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XMusicDudetteX Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 -It seems all I'm able to attract are perverts, pedophiles, liars, guys who just want to use girls, etc. My ex-boyfriend lied to me about some pretty big things and I tried to look past it because he said the things I wanted to hear--that I'm beautiful, the best thing that ever happened to him, etc. But I couldn't take the lies anymore had to end it, for I knew he was probably lying about those wonderful things too. -Ever since freshman year, I've liked this one guy on and off and I can't get rid of it when it's on. He's what I want. He makes me happy. Whenever I feel ill or upset, him doing something as simple as walking next to me and talking to me and doing something over and over if I laugh at it, it makes me feel okay again. What I always found weird was how, even if I couldn't see him, when he'd put a hand on my shoulder or head, I knew it was him. I know when it's him every time, even though it's all the same. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never have him. So if I've come to terms with it then why can't I get over it? My heart pounds when I see him and I can't take it. I remember the day I finally admitted to myself that I liked him: He was walking by and he looked into my eyes and rubbed my arm. I was not having a good day that day, but when he did that it felt as though my troubles disappeared. Why can't my feelings for him just disappear? -My old problems have come around again and they're making me sick. I've lost eight pounds already, but luckily I don't think it's noticeable. No one has said anything, so I'm just going to go with that. And no, it's not drugs or anything like that. I've just been having stomach problems and other things. -A bunch of my friends are planning on getting high from pot brownies next week. I'm disappointed in them and think they're quite ignorant if they actually believe they're going to get away with it. People who do that at my school always get caught, and if they, even for a moment, think that they can slip through the cracks then they are sorely mistaken. They want me to get high with them so badly, but I'm Straight Edge and don't do that stuff. And I can't hang out with them all next week due to their pot brownie plan because if they get caught and I'm with them at the time or was with them at any point that day, I'll be the victim of a "guilt by association" and not only will I get kicked out of my school, but I'll have my ass handed to me by my parents. I'm stopping there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the1 Posted September 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 - I do my best to put some cool shit in my posts and no one cares! /kills self. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XMusicDudetteX Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 - I do my best to put some cool shit in my posts and no one cares! /kills self. Actually, I read your post and agree with a lot of what you said. You have really good insight and advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EasyTarget Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 I live on fantasy planet and fool myself into thinking I stand a chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the1 Posted September 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Actually, I read your post and agree with a lot of what you said. You have really good insight and advice. haha thankyou! I live on fantasy planet and fool myself into thinking I stand a chance. Don't we all?? Delusion is like the only escape with an inevitable ending. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XMusicDudetteX Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 haha thankyou! Don't we all?? Delusion is like the only escape with an inevitable ending. You're welcomeee. And I agree with you there too. If we all don't dream or make up a fantasy world of our own, we'll go mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EasyTarget Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 Valid points from you both... Its not good though, I should just learn to let go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the1 Posted September 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 You're only 15- shit's gonna get harder. Stiff Upper Lip! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiroki Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 So im almost 30 (in a few years) and I still act like I did when I was 18 and I still hate my family and yeah I have my own family little family which I love to bits but I still don't feel like I fit in so I work loads to provide for them or to keep me being the loner that I always have been I guess. I hate all my friends but it's hard to break away from people you have known for most of your adult life even though you feel so low and unlike yourself when your around them that you just want to scream and break away....one day. Just 'cause your older it doesn't mean your problems will go away kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watchthesky Posted September 12, 2009 Report Share Posted September 12, 2009 So im almost 30 (in a few years) and I still act like I did when I was 18 and I still hate my family and yeah I have my own family little family which I love to bits but I still don't feel like I fit in so I work loads to provide for them or to keep me being the loner that I always have been I guess. I hate all my friends but it's hard to break away from people you have known for most of your adult life even though you feel so low and unlike yourself when your around them that you just want to scream and break away....one day. Just 'cause your older it doesn't mean your problems will go away kids. truth right here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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