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Rant Thread - Part 5


thebrowncoat
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See, i'd join this discussion, with SAME ! except i actually do keep buying new clothes.

 

although the last pair of jeans i bought - exactly the same pair as one of my old/knackered/favourite ever jeans in every way but new - and they don't fit. i evidently stretched the old ones to accommodate for my spare tyre. bitch bitch bitch.

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ME TOO! I hate all of my clothes, and im not buying any new ones until i like where im at.

 

 

SAME. PERSON.

EXACT. SAME.

i hate my clothes because they're all old and boring but everytime my dad offers to buy me new ones i say "we've been over this, i'm not buying new ones until i lose weight" and he rolls his eyes at me

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Usually I would roll my eyes too, but I've been packing a few extra pounds recently, and because I walk so much, it's all gone to my belly. I used to be happy with my 32" waist and now I'm creeping up to a 36" which is not good. I wouldn't mind if it was in proportion, but it ain't.

 

I need to go running. :crybad:

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i gave blood yesterday, which made me feel quite morally delightful, but i went to work straight afterwards and my arm fucking hurts now. also, in my 1-pint-of-blood-less-than-normal weakened state immediately following this deed, i think i picked up a cold. or smoking has finally come up to bite me in the ass because i am wheezy as shit.

 

N'EST BON PAS

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f-u-c-k. i might not be able to go the paramore gig in copenhagen because of my effed up school! i'm so mad right now. after lying straight out for a week and going to the bloody doctor tomorrow, this happens. of course! i need to taklk to my teacher tomorrow, and he better let me get those 4 hours off, or i'll probably stand there cuss in his face. and he won't be pleased with me asking since because i've been sick the presentation has been delayed two times now. he actually said that if i didn't show up tomorrow, we would get an F on the presentation without holding it! for fuck's sake, i can't help that i'm sick. and he's a total pervert as well. i hate that man with a passion, and if he says no, i'll hate him even more. i wish they'd let me change from this messed up school.

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What a dick. It's not your fault that you can't go!! Idiot. He shouldn't be like that to you. Your health is more important. I'm sorry Guro! :(

 

hugz 4 u. <3

 

 

 

 

 

....

 

my mini rant

 

 

that precalculus midterm was SHIT. I didn't understand anything. SHE DOESN'T TEACH PROPERLY. SHE SHOULD HAVE GONE OVER THIS STUFF. WHAT IF I FAILED????? I hope not. erghhhhhhhhh. i dont get it. at all. and im worried about physics next semester, because, it's going to involve quite a bit of mathematics here and there....um....and im always tired nowadays!! it's quite annoying.

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I dont know why im in IB at my school. seriously the hardest classes on campus and i may die cause i see no point in learning half this shit nor do I understand it.

 

and a bunch of other stupid stuff going on with guys of all things.

 

i have no idea how i feel about anything anymore. I cant listen to music cause seriously i dont know how to feel or what to feel about anything.

i really hate this.

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I am four seconds away from screaming until my lungs come shooting out of my fingernails.

 

I'm so sick of having to say goodbye to everyone. That's what the theme of this year has been. Every year has had a theme. 2007 was the year of hospital visits, 2008 was the year of talking people out of suicide and having to worry for mine and my family's life because we were in danger of pretty much being murdered, and this year it's all about having to part ways with my loved ones in some way or another. I have no more control over anything and I'm losing everyone. I want to hold on to them but the more I try the harder and gets and the more they slip away. Part of me is so afraid to hold on at all because I know that everyone's going to have to leave eventually anyway, and if I continue to love them then it's going to hurt worse when the time comes to say goodbye.

I was once told that the more you love, the more you hurt. Nothing I've ever been told in my life has been more true than that, and that's something everyone knows about life. It makes me wonder why I should even love at all. And I've been wondering for so long now. Ever since I was seven, when I saw my Dad get taken away in an ambulance, I've had this growing fear of losing my loved ones to death. Time went by and I lost and lost and almost lost. My brother is dead, the father of my godmother to whom I was close died, two great uncles died, a great aunt died, a handful of family friends of great importance died, almost lost my sister to suicide, almost lost a best friend to suicide, almost lost my little brother, almost lost my niece, almost lost my brother-in-law, and another best friend of mine has been having medical problems and has been in an out getting surgeries and such. These people have all played major roles in my life, you know? It's just. . . UGH. And even the friends of mine who've moved away, those are more goodbyes. Now we've got another worry on our hands with someone.

I hate watching people slip away. My grandmother is slowly fading away. She doesn't even remember me anymore, or anyone else. She forgets that certain people have died. It's hard to watch because of all the memories. We used to walk down to the store together when I was little, I used to go to the doughnut shop she worked at and get a doughnut and chocolate milk with the family, I used to watch those wretched soap operas with her. Now those days are long gone and she doesn't even remember them.

 

For so long, I've been asking why these things happen. Sometimes I just want to scream and other times I realize them as the way of life. It is the circle of life over which no one but God has control. I guess part of growing up is coming to accept that we don't hold everyone else's lives in our hands and that we can't save everyone. We all have to say goodbye at one point or another.

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