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Rant Thread III


thebrowncoat
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i jsut want to know what the fxck is wrong with me.

 

i'm on the proper medication, i've taken it everyday for about a month w/o forgetting it. i've taken it at the right time as well.

 

i just randomly started freaking. and thinking. which led to more freaking, leading to more freaking. which led to thinking of my grandfather and about how much i fxcking miss him. which led to sad. which led to more freak out. but i was already piissed as it is. and have been hyper all day as well. and all this mixed, plus some random bad thoughts mixed in there...thast what i want to do right now.

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so i just got this random freak out. worse than earlier.

 

i want to do things. bad things.

i want to grab a knife, and just open up my wrist

i want to get a bottle of the strongest alcohol in my house and get drunk for the first time

i want to punch my fist through a wall, break it, and smah up my fingers

and i want to crawl into some little fxcking hole and just rot there

 

nooo!!! katie!!!! :hug: don't do any of that, you hear me?! whatever you do, DO NOT hurt yourself that way!!

 

you can PM me if you want :hug:

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Ok i am like so mad right now. My very bestest friend in the whole entire world has left our little circle of friends!!!!!!! I have no idea why. When I talked to her to see what was wrong she was just like "i dont like myself anymore and it seems half of y'all dont like me and i dont want to fell that way anymore" Dont get me wrong she can be very mean sometimes but that is who she is and we love her anyway. she used to be full of joy and now when we come up to her and say anything that is funny or cool she looks at us like we are stupid. She wont sit with us at lunch or study hall! eh its driving me crazy. I went to talk to her today at her study hall table(which she is all alone) and starting talking to her and then asked her what was really wrong. She told me what she already told me and then we talked some more but then she had the nerve to say "your disturbing me while i am doing my homework" Oh my word that ticked my off so bad so I got up and left. I have no idea what to do know. I just dont want to watch her fade away. She says she is happy with the people she is hanging out with now and it hurts like crazy to see her.

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So I asked my mom for more time because I got nothing done. She's giving me 10 minutes and I have 5 more. So of course I come to this again. I'm so failing. But I'm so pissed that I don't care. Guys suck they seriously do. If you can't come over then call and tell me don't be a fucking coward. The guy I like the most out of 3 guys I like was supposed to call my cell so we can pick him up after I was done here. Does he call? No. Does he answer his phone when I call stupidly 4 times? No. I'm about ready to explode. I'm already crying. Libraries aren't good places for that. Thank God there are wall borders around this computer.

 

I'm sick of doing this to myself.

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i'm so sick of these little prissy gr 9 girls walking around thinking they are the shit. They are so rude and think they are better then everyone..and it's like..STOP, your in grade NINE! AHHHHHHHH WHY ARE GIRLS SO STUPID SOMETIMES!!!??!!

 

 

 

i knowww, but my school is worse....7-12th grade

 

so of course we have 7th graders thinking theyre the shit. well, theyre not.

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i'm so sick of these little prissy gr 9 girls walking around thinking they are the shit. They are so rude and think they are better then everyone..and it's like..STOP, your in grade NINE! AHHHHHHHH WHY ARE GIRLS SO STUPID SOMETIMES!!!??!!
haha freshmen! haha they crack me up just the way the ones here walk around the school and think they're cool cuz they kno seniors.

i mean i have nothing against freshmen (i was one last year and some of my friends are freshmen) but idk they seem stuck up but it might just be the freshmen girls here (not all of them)

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haha freshmen! haha they crack me up just the way the ones here walk around the school and think they're cool cuz they kno seniors.

i mean i have nothing against freshmen (i was one last year and some of my friends are freshmen) but idk they seem stuck up but it might just be the freshmen girls here (not all of them)

 

 

well not even...they THINK they know seniors. i mean when i was a freshmen i was cool 8-) but really, i got invited to their graduation parties and everything, i always hung out w/ older kids tho because the kids in my grade are jerks

 

so this year the first month i was like "shit. all i have is my grade now." haha

 

but i got over it. i still hang w/ my friends who stayed local for college

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so for my next photography shoot, i have to do nighttime photography. so we figured we'd head to the shore to take some there. sounds good right? wrong. every freaking store was closed. so we went to the boardwalk for the rest of the day. 75% of stuff was also closed. so we didnt feel like waiting around for it to get dark, so we came home.

 

the entire car ride there and back, i was thinking about every thing i was freaking out about last night. so my mood has been completely shot.

 

i'm so freaking tired b/c i got zero sleep last night. maybe about 10 minutes. but thats not even enough to count. so i'm moody and tired.

 

so i go to talk to my best friend on AIM right? and i click on her s/n, and it wont open a box. i click the IM box and type in her s/n, and i type something, hit enter, and the fxcking box goes away. that happened a couple times, but only with her s/n. of course, the day i need to vent about stuff to her is the day i'm not able to talk to her. and she's not answering her phone. >.<

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