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The Secrets Thread.


holleh
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  • 4 weeks later...

Since the new secret account is fucked up.

 

 

I'll just go ahead and shed some light on my "secret".

 

I fucking hate love, It's bullshit. I know maybe that it's needed to live a healthy life, But I find that it also helps keep tension strong and it makes me very uncomfortable, I know this ain't the way love is supposed to be if it feels this way to me. But it keeps me tied to my family and they're ALL a bunch of fuckheads.

 

I want to leave, But I know I'll find myself missing them some time after. As they were the only people I have ever known. And I also have like this BIG ego, So I would never find myself coming back here after I do something big like that, Like leaving. So then I'd be there suffering for maybe a few months before I can let them go.

 

I found out that people can thing anything go, As long as they give themselves some time. I know this because my family helped in the "taking away" of my little brother, Who was like a son to me. I've helped raised him in the three years he shared with us. At a few points in time he would come to me when he cried, Not his legal guardians. Drinking, Alcohol and all that bull. I think I'm over him now, Which is why I say maybe anyone can get through anything. Although that has been nothing short of a miracle. As the months he was gone have all been a nightmare and my brother had to endure physical and emotional pain that was caused by me, In response to their help of him getting taken away.

 

Love is bullshit.

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I'm tired of being me.

My few friends in school are starting to ignore me.

I never go out with my old friends anymore, they've all gone in one direction, I'm just going backwards. I don't particularly want to be friends with them anymore, but any other people in the area I become friends with just happens to know them.

I can never be Shannon, I'm always Alice's friend, or Fran's friend.

I'm tired of it.

I always say to myself, it's okay, when you start college, you'll have a fresh start, who says that? I'll be stuck with the same people, never really fitting in.

It's pissing me off big time.

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College is much different, because most people scatter off in different directions or just don't go. I've run into maybe 5-6 people that I knew in high school while going to class at college. I'm still the same quiet guy with a few friends, but that's just because I'm a social mess.

 

secret

I seriously contemplated suicide when I was in high school, because I was an idiot and assumed that everything that happened there was going to affect the rest of my life. But, my best friend Brandon noticed and talked me through it. It wasn't even over anything important, lol.

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Okay, so, last summer (I can't believe it's that long ago), I started talking to this guy who was a friend of a friend, Sophie.

He was really sweet, had a lot in common with me and seemed like he gave a shit. I always saw him around town with his friends, but never had the guts to go talk to him. So, I finally realise I have a crush on him and think, "Right, tonight, when he comes on msn, I'm gonna ask if he wants to go out at the weekend or something." Then, what do I see? He's back with his wonderful girlfriend, WOO. The one who is an utter rotter (I know I can't talk but whatever), so I think, fuck it.

But I keep seeing them together, so stop talking to him. Kinda forget about him.

 

Then, now, he's back in my life, weirdly.

My friend Fran has recently made good friends with him and so, last week, I had the chance to go to MSI with him, not realising it was him, thinking it was another Tom.

I'm finally all clued up now when Fran keeps talking about him to me, saying this and that, saying how he used to know me and shit.

 

So I have the chance to meet him face to face whenever I want, but of course, being new best friends with Fran sucks, she's GORGEOUS and has boobs. :rotfl:

 

So now I'm just spazzing out, not that I still like the guy, just the fact that he's being thrust back in my life via a different friend, Fran is friends with everyone I used to be friends with and now I have no one I'm all alone, with only people on a fucking Paramore forum to tell my pathetic problems to. YAY!

 

Oh annnnnd, just looking at this guys myspaz again, it seems he's just like another guy I've recently had a big thing for, seems I'm as shallow as I'd hoped I wouldn't be, I have a "type". :neutral:

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  • 2 weeks later...

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